Screw Vulnerability

If it's one thing I hate, it's being in a venerable state. I do not like feeling weak and yearning to have a shoulder to lean on. I know it all comes with the territory of being human, but it's such a horrible feeling for a person like me. I guess anybody who has labeled me as emotionless and heartless now knows that I too am human. It's been a pretty bad week for me. With being sick, light work loads at both jobs and not hearing the voice of my once close friend once this week; has placed me in an emotional maze I'm trying to escape. I didn't realize how much I depended on her hearty laughs and cynical sense of humor to carry me through weeks like this. I have prayed to God that I would not feel the hurt in this whole parting ways situation, but it is taking it's toll on me. I blame my venerable state.

My mother and other friends keep advising not to let it bother me and that this is obviously a time that her and I need not be in one another's lives. Perhaps our journey is truly over. Who knows? I just miss the way things use to be. That is the only dangers in not having a truckload of friends and truly just having one close friend. You never really narrow in on the fact that one day, that one close friendship may come to an end. Ride to the end, BFF, thick as thieves. It all seems like it's been flushed down the toilet. I know my mind is faded right now and I am probably taking this over the top, but I can't help it. I miss my damn friend and right now nothing is easing that sting. I know it will pass and I'll probably be alright again tomorrow.

Maybe if the reason we are on opposite ends of the fence hadn't popped up unexpectedly last night I wouldn't be so emotional right now. Salt was poured on the still open wound I guess. Ahhhh! I have to shake this off and get through this day. Pay me no mind people.

On a lighter note, I am happy to have a vacation day to look forward to tomorrow. Well, at least from one of my jobs. Finally getting that phone, cable and internet set up in my new apartment. Those who do know me, I'm sure are saying "It's about damn time!" Screw all of ya'll in advance, loll. I work on my time and not yours damnit!

I do apologize for those of you who were anticipating my usual positive, strong minded, confident blog, because this isn't one of them! I promise tomorrow I'll have my mind right again, for this relapse will soon pass on. I'm out people. Have a good one.

T.[Nicole] signing off - We'll both end up fabulous together or apart. That's just how we roll. Know the bridge will never be burned, dig that "homegerr"!
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2 Responses
  1. Undefined Says:

    I wouldn’t necessarily call this blog negative, you obviously cared deeply for this person and there’s nothing negative in that. As you said, we can’t help being vulnerable at some point in our lives, it’s the price we pay for caring and loving, but I hope this situation doesn’t stop you from loving and getting close to someone else, if the opportunity were to come along. With out rain we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the sunshine. And I just wanted to remind you that even though at times you may feel alone, you never really are. I love ya!


  2. Yeah true. Right now you know I'm cool just being one deep. I have family, other friends and you of course. I do thank you for being there for me through all that little drama. I love ya too.


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