So here we are again. Monday morning. I can't speak for everyone, but this is a pretty gloomy Monday for me. My mood matches the weather outside. Usually when I write blogs, they turn out to be fairly positive and I receive my daily comments on how I've touched this person and that person. I love the fact that someone is out there reading and that my words have touched them in some way. It's all making my dream come true. However, this blog may not be too positive. I know a lot of people expect me to be optimistic, but guess what? Mica is human and everyday isn't a sunny day for her. Life would be wonderful if it were. My weekend was pretty laid back and I spent it inside of my own head. I loved it every second of it. I ignored all incoming calls, for the exception of a few. So to anybody who was looking for me this weekend, I apologize. I was dwelling in my Mental Mansion. I dreaded leaving it this morning and starting this week, but hey money has to be made and bills have to be paid.

I received the quote of the week this morning and I thought to myself, do I give up my selfish attitude and turn this day into a positive one? Or do I remain in my selfish state and continue to scream "fuck the world and everyone in it"? *Sigh* Mr. Henri Fredric Amiel's words were pointing at me right in between the eyes, so I'll share his thoughts with you quoted from his private journal:

"Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary-line and adding to one's liberty." - Henry Fredric Amiel, "The Private Journal of Henri Frederic Amiel"

Emotionally things have been quite difficult for me. I'm ridding the feelings, thoughts and tight bonds that I once had and gripping even tighter onto the bond that I have with self. Perhaps, that's the reason I feel so icky inside. Who knows? But facing the fact that things will never be the same as they once were is difficult for me. I grew accustomed to how close I was with certain individuals and now I realize that endeavor is now over. It is a pleasant memory trapped inside of my mind now. To have it back as a reality would be superb, but what's done is done. No sense in dwelling on what could have been or what I think should be, because it's not. I go through this a lot in my life. I escape my shell and willingly attack the world and the people in it, loving each day and looking forward to the new people I will meet at any given moment. Now I'm back in my shell. People don't exist here. I hear their muffled voices and without any emotion, I acknowledge some of them. In order for me not to break any hearts or offend anyone; I stay to myself. I go through my daily routine and crawl back into my shell. I am at peace here.

It's here that I plan my next moves in life, I evaluate my relationships with the people in my life, I strengthen my relationship with God and I make mental notes of mistakes that I've made and take a vow to never make them again. I suppose you can say I do push back certain boundary lines and add to my freedom. When I do choose to come out of my shell, those who were meant to be here will still be here; it never fails. Those who have continued on with their journey without me, were only meant to be here for a season. Au'voir to you and I wish you well; thanks for the time, patience and love given on to me from you. See you next lifetime.

Peace, it is you and I now. Here's a toast; I know that the difficulties that I once suffered will be conquered in due time. Call me selfish, but I'm at my happiest state when no one exists. No responsibilities for anyone's feelings, no babysitting anyone's insecurities, no expectations of me and of anyone around me. I'll drink to that!

T.[Nicole] signing off - Literally, I can't be touched. Deal with that…