Tuesday Rambles Episode 13

Um, and when was the last time I did Tuesday Rambles? Ugh, can we say slacker? I am just that. Horrible, a disgrace, total douche bag! I agree. And I'm sorry.

Truth be told, my Tuesdays have not been so bad as of lately. I'd like to think she has something to do with that. *big smile*

That's right, I'm back on team of love. One month deep into this thing, and although there is still more learning and kinks to work out; it feels good. Most of the kinks need to be worked out on my end anyway. I managed to snag the closest thing to perfection that I could get my hands on. That in itself has it's bitter sweet moments. I love it all nonetheless.

My operation "Pick up the Pen…Pick up the Pieces" is still in the works. I'm moving this thing right along. Summer 2010 will mark the pathway to a better future for me. It will make an impact on those who are in my life as well. My support system is stronger than ever. Now is a better time than any to make a move.

I have yet to hear Chris Brown's CD. I heard it was pretty good. I downloaded Rihanna's, and it's something that I'm digging. I'm not disappointed at all.

We Are Young Money comes out next week, and I will be going to buy that to see what they are talking about. This should be interesting. It better be!

Right now, I still have Trey Songz "Ready" in heavy rotation. I can't get enough of this man. "Invented Sex" , "One Love", "Does He Do It" , "Jupiter Love", "Neighbors Know My name", and "Black Roses" are all my jams!

The video could've been a little better though.

I do like Toni Braxton's video ft. Trey Songz. As a matter of fact; I love it!

Latoya Luckett ft. Ludacris - Regret! OMG!!! Love this song and video!!! She still look like an average around the way H-Town girl though. I'm not mad about it at all. Hell, I'm from H-Town and I love my around the way girls! I'm feeling you Lady L.

I don't celebrate X-Mas, but I still have a X-Mas list haha! It goes as follows:

Louie backpack

HP touch screen desktop

Nikon Digi Camera

2010 Chevy Camero

Burberry Touch cologne

Samsung 50" HD flat screen

Taraji P. Henson in handcuffs, heels and a bow on my front doorstep. (sorry babe, loll!)

I know I will absolutely get NONE OF THIS!!! Well probably the cologne and desk top. That's about it though. It's all good; I'm blessed either way. I'm on my happy high. Anxiously awaiting my future steps!
Pick Up the Pen...Pick Up the Pieces

Hello blog world! Long time no write. A little over two months to be exact. I've been completely submerged in my everyday life. I've been comfortable; yet treading the steady waters of my life. I'm bitter-sweet about this year ending already. So many things have occurred this year packed into a small punch hitting me square in the face. I've been doubled over in the anxieties of the emotional rollercoaster I've been riding all year. All things; good and bad are taken in stride no doubt. Somewhere along the bumpy ride; I lost my pen and many pieces to my life's puzzle.

A new operation is in order. I'm devoting myself to picking up that pen again, and getting back to letting my ink drip; outlining the footprints of every step that I take. I'm still totting my duffle bag full of ideas, dreams, goals and unwritten thoughts of success. My brain is oozing over with agendas for the new year. This will be a life changing year for me. I've worked my ass off all year only to hold a steady head barely above water. I'm proud of myself nonetheless, because I held my own. I was making it day in and day out by myself. However, it's time for me to take off. But I can't do that without making a change. A BIG ONE! I know what I have to do, and I'm in the process of taking the proper precautions. My daily routine will not be the same, and it scares me shitless, but it's time. I'll be twenty-six years old in two months. I have goals to meet by my 30th birthday; February 12, 2014.

Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.

- John Henry Jowett

Wisdom, maturity, patience, love and thankfulness have all been taken to the next level throughout this year. Although, not everything went the way that I planned this year; I still came out on top. I've lost some very dear loved ones along this year's journey, and I miss them more than what any words can express. That alone lights the fire underneath me to push forward, and make my loved ones proud; those fallen and standing.
Hit The Road Jack

Oh my goodness, what an awesome weekend I had. I didn't do anything major outside of my normal quality time spent with the people that I love. My last blog was about the changes of the seasons. What I anticipated the fall might bring my way. So far, so good. Work seems to be steady at both jobs, my relationship with my family is growing tighter and tighter as the weeks pass, and my love life has finally been taken off life support and is breathing on it's own. The feeling is indescribable. All of the above mentioned has brought so many smiles to my face. People are starting to notice my new vibe, and that I'm glowing like a full moon on a hot summer night. It feels good.

"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."

- Washington Irving

The bizarre situations in my life never cease to expire, but I don't let them stress me. From car problems, apartment maintenance problems, financial problems, to extremely bad hair days (like I'll be having for the next few days); all doesn't even matter. It'll pass like everything else has in my past times.

Speaking of changes; I have been battling with myself over the company I keep or (don't keep). With the new blessings that have entered my life recently; I realize how thirsty I was for genuine friendship. One without strain on any end. One that is unconditional, and one that is understanding. The weather may get a bit frigid soon, because I now know it's time to let go of a bond that I thought would last forever. However, it's stressing me out more than it should. I've tried to rationalize from every angle and give chances for redemption, but nothing has changed. I feel that no effort is even being put into possible change. My feelings on the issue are rapidly dissolving. Once I reach the end of my cup; it's a wrap. I don't want any free re-fills. When that well runs dry; I know my phone will ring. Will I answer? That is the million dollar question. Time to hit the road. There is nothing but an open highway of opportunity in my view. Goodbye to those of my past. Hello to those of my future.
What The Fall May Bring
Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. But of course, like autumn, it doesn't last.

- C.S. Lewis, "Letters of C. S. Lewis [1966] "27 October 1963""

I can't believe tomorrow is the first day of Autumn already. Time is flying by like the speed of light. It's truly bizarre. Somebody has set us in fast forward mode and there is not stopping the inevitable. This really is my favorite season for many reasons. The weather is cooling down, the leaves are beginning to fall, the colors are beginning to dim and my new outlook on current life is beginning to set.

This season is bringing on new hope, new commitments, new love, new money and new visions. I am excited to wrap up this year. I'm so ready for 2010 it's insane. This year wasn't all that great for me, but I'm still ticking nonetheless. I'm getting older, and all of my experiences throughout all of my seasons have taught me so much and have brought me so far. I sulk, I whine and I grieve like any other human, but I realize that I'm a truly blessed individual.

For those actually looking for a REAL post from me; here it is. This is where my mind is at right now. I try to keep it positive no matter what obstacles are thrown my way. I think my previous posts vouch for that last statement. Life is alright for me right now. I'm excited about the beginning of a new season; my favorite season. I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I do. For some; it's time to let those deadbeat leaves fall from your tree and clean house! Ya'll know what I mean; those seasonal people. Only here for whatever reason, but are not meant to stay. Please let em go. It's time. If you don't dig Autumn as much as I do; at least it's almost time for daylight savings and you get an extra hour of sleep!

Kanye Apologizes
So after Ye's typical outburst on the VMA's; he felt the need to apologize to poor Taylor Swift. That poor little country white girl! I felt so bad for her after his black ass got up there and acted a fool! We know Beyonce should've won, but damn give somebody else a time to shine! Don't throw shade Ye!! Anyway, here is the apology that he gave on the Jay Leno show.

**The video has been pulled, and I'm too lazy to go find another one**

Well, I must say that it ain't no Chris Brown apology. I can say that it's from the heart, but how many times do you have to apologize for your actions Ye?! We've heard it all before! He is like an award show hit man! I do hope that this is his last stunt though, because I like Kanye. He's a very talented dude, but clearly he has emotional problems. He doesn't know how to express his feelings in the correct way; whatever that may be. I thought he'd be more humble after the loss of his mother, but 99% of the time; people don't change no matter what happens in their life. Ye, something's got to give though. I know you said "you wanna check into the heartbreak hotel, but sorry we're closed", but you might wanna call them back! They may have some vacancies!
Omg!!! I am coming back...I promise!
I'm alive. Busy, but alive. I miss writing here, and I miss the little comments I did get by those who read my posts. Thanks for NOT unfollowing me, loll.
I'll be back.
Commencement Ceremony: Fact or Fiction
She and I had been going strong for about 6 months. We were beyond the point of being in love. She was a part of me. We were young, dumb and freshly gay, loll. This was my very first girlfriend, and the feeling was indescribable. I was forming into something that had no room for shame nor insecurity. This was my lifestyle; our lifestyle.

We met in college. Neither one of us finished, but back then we were on some sort of a mission. Two smart young women. Pressured by the drugs, sex and alcohol; but we got our studies in and maintained an average GPA. She was younger than I and only came to my school for an English class. She was in a program for Liberal arts and required for her to attend my university for this specific English class. I hated our schedules and the fact that we didn't attend the same schools. I dealt with it though. Our relationship was quite rocky, because I always felt something was missing or being left unsaid. We summed it all up as me being paranoid, because of the dirt that I had swept under the rug. As true as this was, I was still convinced that something was a miss!

Her and I had a couple mutual friends, but for the most part all of my friends were older and hers were younger. So we didn't all mesh too well, loll me and my friends thought we were hot shit anyway. It was the Spring semester right before our summer vacation started. I was quite saddened, because she was going back to Jersey for the summer. I was going to miss her so much, and would have to fight every temptation coming my way. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to the summer months at all.

Trying to rid my mind of the months ahead, I got ready for a few graduations I had lined up to attend. The college graduations were first and then came the high school. This booked up 3 weekends in a row for me. I had one more graduation to attend at the beginning of June for my little cousin. He was graduating from high school, and planned on attending the same university as I. We both anticipated his arrival. I didn't however anticipate sitting through yet another long drawn out graduation ceremony in hot ass Texas.

The Compaq Center was packed! All the supporting friends and families of the class of 2006. I forgot how complicated parking and seating was at this place. I mean I hadn't been there since I graduated 3 years before. I was riding solo that day, because my family were all coming at different times. I hate waiting around and I hate being late to any occasion. So I was the designated person to go ahead of everybody else and save the seats. I saw a few familiar faces and I stopped and spoke to a couple of old classmates. I was a little surprised to see my Bahamian beauty's folks entering the same section of seating that I was.

"Hey honey!" Her Aunt reached out and gave me a big hug. I returned the gesture and my eyes scanned the crowd for the love of my life. I had just got off the phone with her before parking, and she told me she was getting dressed. I didn't bother asking were she was going, because I had planned to see her later on that night.

"Hey Aunt Dorothy, what are you guys doing here?" I asked nodding to the rest of the family present. I've seen them all on a few occasions here and there. Some of them did not approve of my role in her life, but they keep it cordial and respectful when we do see one another.

"We're here to support our baby girl!" I had forgotten she had a cousin a few years younger than her graduating this year. I didn't know she went to the same school as my cousin though.

"Oh yes, well I guess I'm here to see a couple of people walk across that stage then," I said looking out to the crowd growing by the second. I knew I had to make a mad dash for the nearest open row of seats before they were all claimed for.

"Yes, honey. We are so glad our baby has finally done it! She's the last one for a long time." We all started moving down the steps looking for empty sections. I found one down towards the bottom, and decided to block those two rows off. I knew one of my family members would be here soon to help me weed off the people.

I saw Aunt Dorothy and the rest of her family filling up the section to the right side of me. I looked in a couple of the familiar faces and read the sign of disapproval upon them. I didn’t care though. We as people can't help who we fall in love with. Speaking of love, I decided to text her once more to see if she was coming or not. The ceremony was to begin in about 15 minutes or so, but I know she was never one to be on time if she was going somewhere without me.

My people started to arrive when the opening music began to play and the graduates started to march in. I heard her family cheering as I was facing the top of the stairs looking for my love. She never texted me back, but I figured she was on her way or didn't hear the phone. I knew her family was cheering for the young graduate, but by the time I turned around she had already passed. I saw what I thought was the back of her walking towards the designated seats. I got comfortable in my chair, because I knew this was going to be a very long ceremony. I pulled out my cell phone and started to play a game.

My cell phone was damn near dead by the time I realized she was not going to show up. The last names beginning with "T's" were making their way across the stage. I really wanted to leave when my cousin walked about 45 minutes ago, but I said I would stay for the entire thing. I saw her family begin to rise out of the corner of my eye. I could hear the anticipation as they awaited for the young one to cross. I could actually see her edging up towards the top of the ramp. She was shorter than I remembered her being though. I could see the profile of her face when my 3 month old cousin sitting next to me on his mother's lap placed his hand on my arm. I turned towards him and smiled when I heard her name. The family all yelled, screamed and blew whistles as she crossed the stage. I sat there frozen solid as my eyes followed her coming down the ramp with a huge smile plastered on her face. My eyes kept following her while she looked around the audience for her loved ones. She spotted them, but she must've felt my gaze, because we met eye contact and that smile quickly faded.

No wonder she didn't respond to my text messages. Graduates can't carry cell phones in to the commencement areas. The name I heard being called was not the name of that young cousin that I remembered. It was HER. The love of my life. It was then that I realized that I'd been played. She just graduated from high school! She'd been lying to me the entire time. Our eyes unlocked when the graduate behind her playfully punched her in the shoulder; letting her know that she needed to catch up with the rest of the line.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I ended up breaking my promise to my cousin after telling the rest of our family that I needed to go home and lay down. I just had to get out of there. I didn't know where to place my emotions. I wanted to cry, laugh and rejoice all at the same time. I finally got the answer to the question that had been burning the inside of my head for the past 6 months. I knew what the missing piece of the puzzle was. I also knew that it was the end of my relationship as I knew it.


**P.S.- Excuse any typos or grammatical errors. I damn near wrote this with my eyes closed on the remaining 10 minutes of my lunch break.**
Tuesday Rambles Episode 12

You and your amazing energy are incredibly attractive to the right people today -- so get out there and see what you can shake up! It's a great time for you to get new social grooves going. <-My Aquarius horoscope for the day. I'm going to take this advice.

I totally forgot to DVR Big Brother 11 tonight! I missed the show on Sunday as well. I was watching movies with my family, and they all hate Big Brother. I'll have to catch both missed episodes on demand probably tomorrow night.

My niece and nephew are coming into town this weekend. I can't wait to see my babies. Although they are not babies anymore. I don't have a picture of my niece, but here is my 16 yr old nephew…

He is damn near a grown man now. That scares me to say the least. They both tower over me, but then again; most people do. We all know I'm vertically challenged. Anyway, can't wait to spend time with the kiddos this weekend.

I bought myself a new webcam yesterday. Somebody stepped on my last one. I'm going to start doing video blogs. I'm not going to give up my writing, but there are some topics I need to be heard face to face on. I was playing around with the cam on Yahoo! last night with my mystery lover, Fe Fe. Had a blast.

My song of the day is Scars, by Papa Roach. Just listen to the lyrics. I can identify with this song to the 10th power. OMG! "My weakness is that I care too much."

This quote was posted by im_Cb on twitter this morning. "Intelligence without ambition is like a bird with no wings." - Salvador Dali This is the shit I try to school people on. I gotta backdoor this quote and throw out there that love with no action is like a runner with no legs nor prosthetic limbs. WE AIN'T GOING NOWHERE!!!

Everytime I look up and I see this picture of myself at 4 yrs old, I just wanna go back. I wanna go back to the beginning when it was all so simple. The year was '88. I had the love of my parents and my little imagination to guide me through my adventerous days. I knew very little, but was eager to learn so much. I have to admit; that if I were given the opprotunity to go back to 1988…I'd decline. My cards were dealt and I played each and every hand the best way I possibly could at that point in time. It all made me into the woman I am today. I wouldn’t trade me in for nothing.
Poor Drake Takes A Spill On Stage

I still love you Drizzy. That's super embarrassing though. I didn't even laugh; I promise. You know everybody else is though. Even Lil' Wayne. *sad face* Forget Wayne, you don't have to go back to that wheelchair you were in on Degrassi! Although, I wish you would've handled it like a G like Beyonce did when she did that military tuck and roll down the stairs on her tour. If it's any consolation to you; they would've had to carry my ass offstage too!

Weekly Re-Cap: Keep It Moving

It has been a crazy week for me. The rain is pouring, but best believe I have my umbrella poppin'! I'm dodging every dagger the devil is throwing at me. "But it will take a thousand bullets and the power of JESUS for you to stop mine" - Ludacris. Like the rest of the world, I have problems out of the ass, and the economy is taking it's toll on me big time. I'm good though. This week went by pretty fast, but I guess that's because it's been so busy. That's what I do. I get my hustle on and make sure that my mind is never idle.

I learned this week that I need to slow the hell down on the roads, loll. I praying my license doesn't get suspended, because I need to get to and from work man! I really have to do better. Texas Public Transportation will be after my ass if I don't. I'll slow down on the roads, but I gotta keep moving in life period. This week I truly learned to not STOP! No matter who is grabbing on my coattail or who is throwing boulders in my path. I have literally wasted years allowing people to hold me back. Stumbling me spiritually, weighing me down emotionally and physically. I was indulging in other people's problems and worried about things that was completely irrelevant to me.

I learned that I can't force anyone to do anything. Whether it goes my way or not. At the end of the day people will do what they want to do for THEM. Those same people are going to come and go in and out of my life, but I have to let the reasons for this define themselves. In the meantime I just keep moving. I'm in my own lane and I have my own destination. Not everybody is meant to go where I'm going. Truth spoken, I am heading straight for the top. If you reek of bullshit, insecurity and emotional instability; I gotta drop you off. I don't care who you are. Nobody should let ANYBODY hold them back for any reason. Yeah, so my lesson this week was to definitely keep it moving. Yo, we doin' a buck eighty over here kid! Catch up if you can! This shit ain't dedicated to one person; it's dedicated to everybody I fuckin' know. Don't get it twisted. If you moving slow; I'll love you regardless, but I gotta let you go. On to the next city.

*Disclaimer to all* - "Please do not harass me. Just holla if you got me and fuck ya if you had me!" - Drizzy!

Ya'll have a good weekend. I know I am!
Smooth Get-A-Way: Fact or Fiction?
On the current mission to revive BlogSpot, I'm thinking of doing a Thursday fact or fiction post every week. This will help me with my consistency in posting and hopefully snag some more readers. It'll also help me sharpen my writing skills as well. I know that Eb aka The Renaissance Black Woman used to do these posts awhile back. Not too sure if she's still doing them though. I always enjoyed reading hers, because she would fool me every time. I really didn’t know if her stories were fact or fiction. It would blow my mind that she actually went through some of the stuff she wrote about, loll. Check her out sometimes, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Anyhow, on with the story.

It was about 4:30am on a Saturday morning. I was just leaving the club when I noticed that I needed to get some gas. Now, I HATE filling my tank up and because of my weird habits; I only like to get gas on Tuesdays at one particular station. I didn’t have a choice to break my routine though. I knew I had quite a drive ahead of me to her house. I called her up earlier during the week to see how she was doing. We have the type of relationship where our worlds are not in tune with one another. We don't speak every day and sometimes we can go weeks or months at a time without contacting each other. However, there are times when she crosses my mind and I cross her's. We're two busy women that just don't have time for steady committed relationships. When we do get around to making THAT call; we both know what it is and what's going to go down.

I'm driving down the block hoping to make it to the corner of the southwest freeway and Fondren. The last thing I needed was to be stranded, tipsy and with a bunch of shit on me. I made it though; slowly creeping up to pump 5. Not a soul was in site, but I could see the cashier behind the register reading a magazine. I fumbled to get my wallet out of my back pocket when my phone started blasting Jamie Foxx's, Slowly. I knew she was wondering where I was.

"Hey, how far are you?" "I'm still a ways away. I almost ran out of gas, so I'm up here at the Shell off 59."

I saw an old school Buick pull up in front of the door to the station. It made me think about my old car. Damn I missed that ride. I miss the booming' ass system I had too. People could always hear me before they saw me. I had to hand it down to my cousin though. Speaking of system, these dudes had more bang in their trunk than a little bit. It was extra loud, because there was no activity on the street.

Tuning back in to our conversation, I could hear the impatience in her voice when she said, "well, I'm waiting on you. I've BEEN waiting on you, but I didn't think you would stay in the club until it closed."

She was so cute when she tried to cop an attitude with me. "My bad babe, I'm just going to fill up and do a buck eighty straight to your crib! K?"

"NO SPEEDING, you have enough tickets as it is Tamica. I'm not playing. Besides, I ain't going nowhere."

"You better not be. Give me 30 mins though, iigh?"

"Alright, bye."

I hung up the phone and retrieved my wallet. I’m so glad I had the option to pay at the pump, because I didn't feel like stumbling to the store and especially in the mist of all those dudes. I can't believe how many of them were piled in that car. I just wanted to put my $40.00 in and go see my lady.

I reached hit $21.34 on the tank when I noticed the music blasting suddenly stopped. My back was facing the actual store; so naturally I turned my head slightly to see if the dudes had finally left. They didn't. Another vehicle was parked beside them. An all black hummer sitting on 20 something's. I could see the Buick shaking wildly like somebody was jumping up and down on the inside. I turned back around to finish up my business. When I went to retrieve my receipt all the doors on the Hummer flew open and a bunch of dudes got out yelling and screaming. I couldn't really hear what they were saying. A couple guys ran out of the store carrying Redbulls and Swisha Sweets.

One guy who had to be at least 5'4 ran up to the guys at the Hummer. "Yo man what the fuck you want?!"

"Yeah, didn't we teach dat ass a lesson when we popped ya homeboy?!" this coming from the driver of the Buick; who was now in the face of the passenger of the Hummer.

I knew it was time to get the hell out of dodge. I hurried up and got my ass back in the car. That's when I heard the shots go off. I started my car and tried to speed away from the pump when I heard screaming. I had to pass by the dudes to get onto the street. I sped by as quickly as I could, and I saw 2 bodies laid out on the ground. One of them was the short dude that I heard speak first. I was almost past them when the driver's side door of the Hummer flew open and a guy tried to jump in front of my car. I got past him though; knocking him down. I saw sparks flying from the side of the light pole so I knew they were shooting at me. I instantly started to pray that nobody would follow me. I knew it was bad to think what I was thinking, but I hoped they just all killed each other and forgot all about me. I fumbled for my phone to call her back, not even wanting to call 911. I didn’t to be involved in that shit AT ALL. I was so nervous I dropped my phone on the floor of my car. SHIT! I was scared, but I kept driving. I cried and prayed all the way to her house; checking my rear view mirror every 2 seconds.

I made it through her apartment gates and swung my car in the first spot I saw. I was over the lines, basically taking up two spaces, but I didn't care. I ran up to her apartment and used the key that I had to enter. I fell out on the floor and she came into the living room not knowing what kind of mindset I was in. She could see that I had been crying and got down on the floor with me. I told her everything. We both prayed and thanked God that I got out of that situation alive. Anything could've happened. It's happened to innocent people so many times before.

We stayed up all night, because I couldn't sleep. I saw the story on Channel 2 news a few hours later. here was a 5 man body count; one of them being the cashier of the station. There was only one vehicle left on the scene; it was the Hummer. I called everybody that I knew to tell them what happened to me. I was so terrified, I didn't even want to leave her house. I had to though. My mother wanted me to come home to see her and my father. I kissed her goodbye and said I would be back soon. I got outside and noticed that my car was gone. I'd been towed for taking up those two spaces.

Tuesday Rambles Episode 11
It's Tuesday! My least favorite day of the week. So that means it's time for me to go hard on anyone and anything and everything that comes to mind. I'm not a random person, but this is the day that I get it all off my chest.

I guess I'll start out with this damn recession. I'm feeling it ya'll. Even with 2 jobs, I'm feeling it. All the prices have gone up on EVERYTHING! I'm making it though, and I'm thankful, because it's just me doing it all by myself. I have to thank GOD for that, because it could all be much worse!

Comcast has to be the worse phone, cable and internet company in the world. I've only had them a month and I have no dial tone and no connection to the internet. They claim I need a "rewire", but I never had any problems with my previous provider. I'm trying to keep my complaints to a minimum, because I'm not paying shit for the services, but damn; I'd rather pay for a provider that will actually give me continuous service!

I still haven't paid T-Mobile for my new phone, and they are calling my ass non-stop, loll. I'm going to pay them on Friday though. I'm still loving my new phone too by the way. I refuse to jump on the black berry bandwagon at the moment. That is until T-Mobile drops a bad ass 8 megapixel cam, touch screen blackberry.

I got a speeding ticket a couple weeks ago with 2 violations. So I can't take defensive driving for both, but only for one. That sucks. I'm just going to pay these two suckers off $268 bucks and pray my license doesn't get suspended. I'm pretty sure Allstate will be kicking me off my parents insurance for good now though, lmao. They've been trying since I turned 25. Ugh!! I guess I can only be in good hands if I'm not speeding in residential areas and changing lanes without a signal. *sigh. I gotta do better.

teyanna taylor Pictures, Images and Photos

Bowow.&amp;&amp;.Sulja Boy. Pictures, Images and Photos

So I've been watching "celebrities" on Ustream lately. Teyanna Taylor, Soulja Boy, Bow Wow and Miss. Dade County. Watching these people live really reveals a lot about their intelligence! Omg! Soulja Boy curses out his fans, Bow Wow only talks about himself and how great he thinks he is, Teyanna is on her iPhone 90% of the time and yelling at her gay friends in the background, and Miss. Dade County's fine ass is just spaced out with ADHD forgetting what her topic is half of the time. I will say that it does show that they are just normal people. There is nothing different about them.

"Alive. Just open your eyes. And see that is beautiful. Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at your funeral. It took a funeral to make me feel alive." - Sixx AM "Life Is Beautiful". Just a random lyric from my song of the day. It teaches me that despite all the bullshit that is going on around me all all the crap that I allow to let seep into my everyday life means NOTHING! Life is fucking beautiful, so live that shit up!

I thought this day would actually be a bitter one for me. I was determined not to go to bed mad about anything. I laid my head on my pillow and closed my eyes in peace. I woke up this morning feeling damn good. It's going to be a long day, but I anticipate every waking moment of it.

Thinking about going on a date sometime this week or possibly this weekend. I've been putting this person off for quite some time. I was in a situation that I thought was actually going somewhere, but I was wrong. I'm not trying to do anytype of "rebound dating" though. So that’s why I'm debating if I should go this week or let some time pass by. I don’t know; I'll figure it out in a day or two.

Later people.
How Much is Too Much?? Child Support
Alright so Chris Jervis posted this link on Twitter this morning from World Star HipHop on Redman & Method man discussing child support. Apparently after Nas and Kelis divorce; Nas now has to pay $55,000 a month in child support on the brand new baby. I don't know how old this video is or how late I am on this news, but WTF?! For those who haven't seen this video already here it is. These niggas Red and Meth keeping it all the way real. And get this! I don't even think they are high!

These dudes made some valid points. Granted there are a shitload of deadbeat baby's fathers out there who won't come off a dime for their kids; $55,000 a month is ridiculous! I don't care who you are and how much money you are making. No ONE child needs that much money a month! My favorite point of this video was the independent woman thing. So many are hollering about how they are independent, but none of the shit they have came from their own hard work. Some nigga is stuffing their pockets for some reason. Whether it be child support, alimony or they are just fucking on the regular.

To be honest I think the kid might be a little messed up in the future. Their whole mentality on independence and responsibility will be spoiled. Seriously, if my daddy gave me $55,000 a month to my mother for child support growing up; I wouldn't think I needed to work for SHIT when I got older. Kelis is wrong for this man. I know that bitch ain't had a hot album since...NEVER, but get it how YOU live...not how your ex-husband lives. This is the stuff right here that pisses me off with women. I mean women who has had money running through their fingers for a little bit. They get greedy, selfish and clearly lose all sense of sanity. This made me a little mad; I can't lie. Respect to the fathers out there who are actually doing the right thing and paying child support. It's still fuck the dudes that aren't, but it's REALLY fuck the women hitting up the fathers for utterly ridiculous amounts of money per month for that baby.

Shout out to Chris Jervis again for posting the video on Twitter. Matter fact, follow me and that dude on twitter...

I'm out.
Saying Goodbye to My Favorite Author

Wow, it's so much going on lately. Death is like sweeping through Hollywood, the music industry; just the world period. This is crazy, but unfortunately something that we were warned about. In this sinful world death is the promise of life. Scary though, but it is what it is.

Last week I found out that one of my favorite authors; E. Lynn Harris died at the age of 54 from a heart attack. Dude was still young! He was extremely talented. He was a homosexual man, and I can remember reading 'Invisible Life' back in high school. Back then I was struggling with my own sexuality, and reading his words and his biography helped me come to grips with myself as a person and what I prefer.

E. Lynn Harris' Bookshelf
I got em' ALL!!!

Invisible Live
Feb. 1994

Just As I Am
Feb. 1995

And This Too Shall Pass
Feb. 1997

If This World Were Mine
June 1998

Abide With Me
May 2000

Not A Day Goes By
May 2001

Any Way The Wind Blows
July 2002

A Love Of My Own
June 2003

What Becomes of the Brokenhearted
(A Memoir)
July 2004

I Say A Little Prayer
August 2007

Just Too Good to Be True
July 2008

Basketball Jones
January 2009

He gave so much variety in is publishing's. Although, most surrounded professional athletes on the down low; the plot was always thick and unpredictable. He was one of my idols when it comes to best selling authors. It's no secret that one day I want to have my own works published. Life is getting shorter and shorter. Before I leave this earth, I want my words dancing across the minds of people worldwide.

Rest in peace Mr. Harris

The Bold. The Bald & The Beautiful.

Okay, I'm pretty sure there have been a billion blogs done on this topic, but I just have to put my 2 cents in on it as well. My Internet has been down, so therefore this makes me even more late on the topic. Anyhow, what is up with all the women going bald now days? I mean don't get me wrong, bald is beautiful…FOR SOME! However, this is not a dope move for all women to be making. I've seen plenty of women faded out and edged up, but this was before it was a ridiculous trend. The lesbian community went bonkers with it starting late last year. More and more of my rather aggressive lesbian friends are cutting all of their hair off. Okay, I get that. My studs out there want to be real live D Boi's, and I’m not knocking it. I just can't get with it my damn self.

The African models ripping the runways have been sporting this look for a long time. Grace Jones in all of her insanity dropped that bald headed love on us way back when as well. A lot of my natural sisters have been in the bald game for decades too. These celebrities took one look at Amber Rose and lost their damn minds. Solange Knowles has now chopped her shit off too. Looking like she just did a long stretch of chemo therapy and lost her edges along the way. Not saying they are following Amber Rose too, loll; but even the men are cutting the braids and dreads off.

Busta Rhymes
Trey Songz


Slim Thug cut his braids off JUST this week

Bump all that man. I'm still going to rock my long hair and don’t care. Speaking of, does Lloyd still have his long pretty hair? I hope so, I'd be highly disappointed if he cut it off. I don’t trends, and if I did; this is one that I'd be passing on by.

**P.S. shout out to my ladies still rocking their own hair!**

Let Me Say This...
*Looking at my last posting date* That is a damn shame. I lied to everybody, loll. I said I was gonna stick with it this time, and I have fallen off yet again! *slaps my hand. Everyone is not as consistent as that use to be though; I've noticed that. Not enough time in the day, and especially my day. I have time to sign my happy ass on Twitter though, lmao. *cough..www.twitter.com/TNookie.

Anyway, it's Monday. I'm back on the clock and tick tockin' all the way to the money! I love getting paid, but like most of America; I'd rather not work. I'm here anyway though, after a relaxing weekend at home. Few things happened over the weekend that got my little mind to wondering why we as humans do certain things. People are so different, and actually being on the same exact page, same sentence, same letter with someone is very rare.

An association of men who will not quarrel with one another is a thing which has never yet existed, from the greatest confederacy of nations down to a town meeting or a vestry.

- Thomas Jefferson

I've been working on not being so argumentative with people. It's one thing in having my own opinion and bustin down somebody's chops about what they personally think, vs. what I personally think. I'm going through a situation right now that is super unnecessary to me, but sort of a big deal to her. I have my opinions on it and I made them known, and so did she. We still haven't made any progress though, loll. We're stuck, because I've been backed into a corner with my hands tied behind my back. I'm not able to make any moves, because she has control of the wheel. Baby is just cruising along though. Taking her sweet time, and wearing thin on my patience. Whew! It's taking a lot out of me to stay calm, cool and collective. It's helping me out in the long run; with my patience and acceptance. This is just another thing I really can't be worried about though. People come up with their own excuses and make their own decisions in life. If those decisions don't happen to go my way in the time frame that I feel they should...oh well. Life keeps on moving, and I must keep on living! And THAT I am doing to the fullest! Catch me if u can.

...cuz I'm gone...
Tuesday Rambles Episode 10

Okay, so I totally missed last week's post. Now, I'm too lazy to go fetch some cool pics to go along with this post. Blah.

Houston's Pride is at the end of this month. Guess I can go to the parade with all the well rounded lesbians and gays. It beats that ghetto mess they call SPLASH in Galveston. I refuse to go there and surround myself with such fuckery.

Can't wait for the Caribbean Festival July 4th weekend. Trying to get my crew together so we can all go, but it's hard to catch up with folks now days. Either way it goes, I'll be there and it'll be going down. Wonder if I can get my hands on a Jamaican girl….hm. Nice thought.

Big Brother is coming back!!!! This is one of the reasons why I dig the Summer time. Mid July it's going down!

Funniest line I've heard all day…"Are you the receptionist?" - New girl. "No, I'm the President of the company." - President of the company. Lmaooo!! The new girl was so embarrassed. I was dying laughing in front of them both.

My apartments are finally switching to Comcast. Now I can get my free services since I work for them. That'll save me $170 a month that I spend on phone, cable and internet now. W00t! The only downfall; my current provider has taken it upon themselves to cut everyone's services in the complex as of yesterday. Comcast won't be out until the 19th!!! What am I to do without my services?!

My Queen Bea decided to quit her job, and chill for a minute. I posted a blog last year when she quit the job here at the company I work for after 24 years. I'm happy for my mommy. She needs to rest and live life as she wants to. Her and my pops can both live that retired life. She seems so much more peaceful. I know my grandma's death took a toll on her, but she seems to be settling nicely. Love you mom!

A damn debt collector called my office phone today. That hasn't happened in over a year. Ugh!!! How do they find people?! Bastards. They aren't getting a dime. Well not now at least. Unless a million dollars lands in my lap out of the blue sky, they can kiss my ass.

Can't wait to hit the gym tonight. It's become more of a desire now, and that’s what I'd been wanting. I no longer hate it, and I actually look forward to it after a long stressful day at both of the jobs. I wake up in the morning feeling so good about myself, and surprisingly I have a great deal of energy.

However, how I currently feel about being at work at this moment…
Be It. Love It. Own It.

This week's quote/advice, whatever you want to declare it as; is once again about being just who the hell you are. It's not much that really needs to be written here, because the action is simple. Or so one would think. How hard is it really who be who you are? I guess, you have to figure out who you actually are first. Being confused in persona, mentality, sexuality, and spirituality means you have no earthly idea who you are or what you stand for. Sometimes soul searching takes a life time, because with each major event that occurs in your life's perspective changes. How you handle things even in the slightest way will change. Part of who you were yesterday, may not be who you are today. That's where those question marks come in.

The white light streams down to be broken up by those human prisms into all the colors of the rainbow. Take your own color in the pattern and be just that.

- Charles R. Brown

God made us all as individuals, and even though we may be a bit confused as times we still need to get some sort of grasp on at least part of us. I personally can have a different epiphany once a week, but I will own that epiphany and try to put it into action. I gather belief in it, and I nurture it until I see the positive results come forth from it. I try not to base who I am off of what others may think of me, or what others are doing in their personal lives. So the days I may not know left from right, I'm still claiming to be me, and only me. I may be confused at that moment, but I'm proud to be just that, because it's a part of who I am at that point in time.

So no matter what you have going on in life, never lose sight of who you are or even who you want to be. Hopefully who you want to be is original and not like the mfer standing in your vicinity. The world lacks enough individuality and originality as it is. Whatever makes you different, be it, love it, own it!
200th Blog Post!!!

200th blog post! W00t!!

Thanks to all of you that actually read my words, thoughts, feelings and opinions.

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Physics For Disaster

Boy oh boy, what a weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed myself up until last night. Had some emotional issues going on. Read more about them on The Reason. Other than that, glad everything went well for me, and I was able to make it through all festivities safely. I spent very little money this weekend, if any at all. I think I bought my dad a coke and went to the gas station. That's about it. I've been doing my whole balling on a budget thing. Not buying any fast food, checking my bank account daily, and not blowing money on things that I know I can't afford. They say "it ain't trickin' if you got it"….well I ain't got it.

"Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price."
-Robert Orben

Times are rough now. Scratch that, times have been rough; shit has just gotten worse. Gas is inflating again, groceries are at an all time high, rent has gone up, phone, cable, and internet prices have sky rocketed. These are the times of the end, and I realize that I should've started preparing myself YESTERYEAR for the trials and tribulations coming our way.

I want to church on Sunday with my mom to get some spiritual food, guidance, and therapy. It helped out a lot. The brother spoke about gravity, and how mankind is falling very fast and will hit rock bottom as a whole very soon. It was just a little reminder of things I already know, but have been remaining ignorant to the fact. What good is the knowledge if I don't do anything with it? Some knowledge cause for action to bring about positive change and strong results.

The day has come where a man's life and a drop top Bienz are of equal value. The dollar holds a lot of power, and has caused a tremendous amount of corruption. Democracy? The Grim Reaper might as well have won the election. We're headed for destruction. The what once was a slow fall to hell, has picked up it's pace. Hold on people.
Memoir Photo Blog Pt.2 (company party)
Blah, it being a week since I've last posted. I'm still hanging on though. This past week has just been super busy for me. Everything should be rather calm for me next week though. I have been snapping pics though. Including a jello shot war last night at a rather wild company party.

Fluffy & Mono at Wings & More during lunch.

My first round of jello shots

Round II

Lets build a jello shot tower!

Even the crawfish partook of a couple jello shots...

Crawfish orgy?
(This is what happens when you've had 1 too many shots)

The party was rather calm, cool & collective @ sunset...

Then it got a little...well...I have no words.

Dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller...

Get it Fluffy!

Mono was the first one gone off the free margaritas...

This dude was chasing all the black women around. OMG!
(I don't even then he worked @ any of the companies =\)

Mono & Fluffy feeling themselves.

Welp...enjoyed the night. More pic probably coming later. The pary ended up alright. Surprised at how many Caucasian people were getting down to the stanky leg. Truth be told, half these people wouldn't have showed up if the food and the liquor wasn't free & that includes me!!

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