If This World Were Mine
June 1998

Abide With Me
May 2000

Not A Day Goes By
May 2001

Any Way The Wind Blows
July 2002

A Love Of My Own
June 2003

What Becomes of the Brokenhearted
(A Memoir)
July 2004

I Say A Little Prayer
August 2007

Just Too Good to Be True
July 2008

Basketball Jones
January 2009

He gave so much variety in is publishing's. Although, most surrounded professional athletes on the down low; the plot was always thick and unpredictable. He was one of my idols when it comes to best selling authors. It's no secret that one day I want to have my own works published. Life is getting shorter and shorter. Before I leave this earth, I want my words dancing across the minds of people worldwide.

Rest in peace Mr. Harris

Almost three months since I've published anything here. Being so caught up in everyday life and every day problems just moved my blog to the backburner. Such is life right? Man, how can I reveal all that’s been going on with me in one post? Wow. I'll give it a shot anyway. I'm sure I'll miss something, but ya'll don’t need to know ALL of my business, loll.

Well, still working both of my jobs. Being a loyal employee to both companies. I haven't burned out just yet. The momentum is still going at a steady pace. I've accepted more responsibility at both companies. More stress? Nah, I don't take my work home with me. Can't go out like that yanno?

I've been spending a lot of time with family. My grandmother passed away on March 24th, and every since then we've all been trying to hold one another up as best as we can. She passed away at 96 years old in her sleep. Still living in her own apartment, walking, cooking, laughing and enjoying the remaining moments of her life. I've been recognizing the blessings in having such a strong legacy like that in my life. I inherited some amazing traits from my grandma. Strength, endurance, faith, loving-kindness, intelligence, and independence. The woman still had good sense up until the day she died, and you couldn't get over on her if you tried. You'd feel the hook end of that cane across the back of your head. Trust me, I know, lmao. The family took everything well, and we're just appreciative in the fact that she is finally resting in peace. She held us together. She brought us together on many occasions. Now it's up to us not to drift apart, because we are all we got.

I've been doing a lot of things for me as well. Pretty much been riding completely solo these past few months, if I hadn't been in the company of family. The friends are still around, but I haven't even been kicking it with any of them either. I've been grinding and concentrating on taking a new approach on life. 2009 has been a very interesting year. Major things have happened in these first 5 months. As if I didn't know it before, but this year has taught me that life is about as short as I stand. Too many people have passed away around me. I've been to 6 funerals in the past 3 months. So I had to take a step back from all the bullshit that I gave permission to seep into my life. I had to weed out the insignificant things, and concentrate on the things and people that really matter.

I've been taking my health into consideration as well. I'm only getting older and its only going to get harder and harder to maintain in a healthy manner. So I've had to make some serious alterations in my daily habits. I'm looking to kill two birds with one stone; health wise and financial wise. Straight discipline. It isn't easy, I'll say that much.

There have been some small altercations here and there, but none worth mentioning. you know I'm always in a debate of some kind with somebody. These altercations and interactions with seasonal people are just part of the insignificant things I've thrown down the garbage shoot. I can't entertain it anymore. Most have got to feel me on that one.

Other than the above things mentioned, that's about it. I'm ready to get back into the swing of things as far as my publishing's go. The page is under construction. I want to spruce it up, and give it a new feel. This month marked my one year anniversary on blogspot, and I'm happy to say that I'm still here. As long as my life goes on, I'm ready to write on.

Man, I dreaded going back to work today. I didn't go in until 12 though. Of course when I got there, I was instantly pissed off at the amount of CRAP piled high on my desk. I won't complain though. My day ended up being alright.

Half of the peole weren't doing shit before Obama even thought about running for President. My ex told me one of her friends stated now that Obama was in office she could say anything she wanted to say. If I'm not mistaken, freedom of speech has been around for quite some time. I mean I could be wrong. You tell me. Bottom line, I am happy about the new edition to our black history, but as usual, some people are taking things way too far. I have a strong feeling that it will only get worse. However at this moment, the hope for change is in front of our faces, so now what?

It's October man! Shout out to my big Sister on her 39th birthday today. Go sis! We're doing it up this weekend. Hold on to that wig and get your old ass ready, you ain't 40 yet!! Yeah man, but wasn't it July just yesterday? Fall is here, the leaves are falling, and it's about to get cold outside. I mean I live in Texas so it won't get THAT cold, but cold enough for us Texans. October is usually a pretty dull month for me. There is five weeks this month, so I'm sure it will seem a little long too. I'll be paid out the ass this month though, so no complaints there. This month will mark my one year anniversary at Comcast on the 22nd. I'm bittersweet about that right there, but the year spent with the company has flown by. I know the products, system and policies like the back of my hand. I've adapted to the environment well. Everyday has been a new challenge dealing with those customers, but hey Comcast has been alright to me. I just know that raise better kick in by the 22nd or there will be another massive cable outage in the mean streets of H-town! Hurricane Ike don't have shit on T. Nookie!

So of course now is the time to drop the quote of the month. This just gives me something to look back on during the weeks to come and have something inspirational and encouraging to live by. I've found this to work for me a lot and it's been working every since I started this monthly quote thing a couple years ago. If I find myself down for any reason, I revert back to the quote written at the beginning of the month and use it as a source of guidance. So this month's quote is from Anatole France.

"If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads." - Anatole France

You know I've noticed that for the past couple of months the quotes have been very simple and straight to the point. When I look at these words I think about how many things in my life that I have brought confusion to and complicated big time with my analytical questions. That's the control freak in me. I have to have a hold and an answer for everything. Sometimes, things are just better left alone. Things have to work themselves out, they have to define themselves, make a name for themselves with out me clouding the picture with my own complicated thoughts. If it feels right and it feels good, why would you question it? For one we are so use to being victimized by our own selves that we probably don't believe something that good and that right is deserving to us. So we question it. We ask why me? What now? What's the catch? The catch is us. The complication and conflict is in the human mind, not in the situation.

So I'm trying to be more free flowing with things. Not careless, but not so uptight about things. Not so analytical. Every situation I go through does not have to be a political debate. Bottom line; it ain't that damn serious. The situation is good, I feel good, I'm happy and THIS is beautiful. Why question it?

Ya'll check out her blogs. If you want it raw, heartfelt, humorous and downright honest; peep this little lady here. UrbaneKisses (click the link). Tell her I sent you!

I took a vacation day yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't go to that wack ass family reunion, because I knew people wouldn't do right or know how to act. I got the "t" from my mama early this morning about what all went down. Needless to say, she's not going back to another reunion again, loll. Ahhhh, gotta love family right. Right.

So anyway, I had lunch with a good friend yesterday and I realized how much I miss just sitting down and talking with my buddy one on one. Every time we see one another; we're either surrounded by a bunch of our friends or in a club setting. We rarely ever take time to ourselves and just hang out. She caught me up on a lot of stuff that is going on in her life, as well as I. We spoke about the greatest qualities that people we know have. We also talked about the qualities that we are trying to uphold and live by. So today's quote is about none other than virtues.


Our most life altering changes are never done overnight. They do take time and hardwork. Sometimes it even takes a little pain. In my eyes, the more pain we go through, the better the outcome in the future. They say practice makes perfect, or something damn close to it. I think we all have visions of becoming a better person or strengthening attributes in our personal character, but do we really follow through with everything that we say? I know I don't. I'm quick to say, hey well "if this or that person can't handle the way that I am, screw em!" Okay, soooo I STILL FEEL THAT WAY, lol. However, I do know that there are things that can be done to better myself. Things that can be done to eliminate some of the personality clashes that I have with people.

Regina and I also talked about lowering our standards just so certain people can breathe in our world. I don't agree with this. I don't think that anyone should lower their standards for anyone else. Reason being that nobody is going to do the same for you. Trust me. Some of us break our necks to change ourselves for other people that really won't appreciate it anyway. Fact of the matter is that they'll never be satisfied regardless of what we do. They won't see the changes until it is too late. Then again, I guess it does make us a better person for the next person right? Right.

Lately I've been writing down my more personal feelings and indepth feelings on the current love in my life in my other blog. It'tough for me dealing with this love thing man. The person in my life has proven to be one of the biggest obstacles I've faced in a long time. She's teaching the meaning of a true virture that takes practice and training. Lord help me! lol.

Didn't I just write a quote of the month blog last week? It's already August?! What happened to the summer? I guess that's what happens when your days run into each other as mine do. Well, lets see; last month I wrote on the topic of peace and understanding. I tried to incorporate this into my days during the month of July and I believed it helped me out a little bit. I do that feel that it was a peaceful month for me and nothing was obtained by force, but only through understanding. Einstein paved the way last month and I've decided to let my cousin, your cousin, everybody's cousin; Norman Cousins pave the way this month.

"If something comes to life in others because of you, then you have made an approach to immortality." - Norman Cousins

I've seen many surveys posted on this site, MySpace and have even been asked in job interviews a very interesting question; what is one thing you want to accomplish before you leave this earth? Many people say they'd like to raise a family, become wealthy and successful, make sure that they're just a good person when they go on. Well in my opinion, I don't think that my life was all that fulfilling if I do not leave this earth without touching the soul, heart and mind of at least one person I've crossed paths with.

Immortality; meaning never dying or a famous person or thing. How many famous actors, singers, rappers, authors, politicans and so forth do we know that has passed away that is still being mentioned today? They are still living within many people still walking around on earth. That's what I want to do. I don’t want the fame and the luxuries can be kept. I just want to reach people through what I do. I want to be remembered for the words that I've written and for the person who I am. I want to live on within friends, family, co-workers, strangers; whomever I've crossed paths with, physically or mentally.

So what is your purpose in life? Is it to help others? Is it to teach others? Is it to give to others? Do you want to only be remembered for what you had? What you took? Or what you gave? Think about it…

As crappy as I feel right now, I still wanted to share this weeks quote with everyone. It deals with some things we all go through, which is loss, pain and sorrow. Things that are no doubt brought on by the tribulations of life, but all is up to us in how we handle such tribulations. This determines how much pain and suffering we will actually go through.

Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void.

- Pam Brown

It's in our human structure to fold under pressure and to retreat when danger is near. Oh and when we're hit, the melo-dramatic scenes begin to play out. Humans can take the smallest things and blow them up bigger than the World Trade Center. Most battles are fought within ourselves and we become our own worse enemies. What do we do? Blame everyone else around us. We blame that lover that left us, we blame God for taking someone away from us that we loved, we blame our childhood, we blame all of life's unfortunate circumstances, but never really take a deep look within and check ourselves. How do you hold someone else responsible for how you take YOUR LIFE'S SITUATIONS? If you have somebody controlling you like that, then I feel sorry for you! Life sucks when you're playing the roll of a joystick.

I've personally had some rough times with getting over situations in my life and realizing that some things are brought on by my own doing. Either, I did something, I didn't do enough, or I didn't do anything at all. The game of life is very tricky, but can be mastered when played the right way. We'll get knocked down, drug back and stepped on. However, we can also be advanced forward, helped back up on our feet and looked highly upon. So, I gladly invite life's problems on, because I know that once I've gotten through one problem, there is a greater blessing in store for me soon thereafter. Those same scrapes, bruises and tears are the things that replenish us. We just have to know how to take them. So lube it up, because life will fuck us raw! What can you do? Cry a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it!

Ya'll know the tough love was bound to come out, loll. Being pacified is a big problem for me. We are not babies any longer, so we should be able to handle this shit thrown at us. That's why I make sure that I give it to my friends and loved ones straight and nasty. That's how life is giving it to you right? All the time spent sulking is wasted, because moves can be made. Multi-task! Don’t get me wrong, you can cry. We all cry; baby cry until you can't cry any more, but be walking at the same time. Tell life and the crazy people in it, "yeah I know you see the tears, but check my footwork; I'm still on the move!" While the ones trying to pull you down are laughing, they don't even see you pass on by them. Now whose laughing?

Alright, I'm tired as hell and am about to fall off my soap box ,rather than carefully stepping off of it. I know my words are read on a daily basis, and I hope that I've reached somebody out there. Whatever you're going through, it'll be alright. Never let yourself or life's issues drown you. Keep building bridges high and low; remember that sometimes we do have to take a small detour to maneuver around a problem, but we will always end back up on the right path. I'm out. Peace.

In honor of my hectic week ahead; I know I'll need some inspiration, so this quote came right on time. It deals with kindness. I know that when I'm in my serious business mode, it's hard for me to remain in a kind spirit. Especially due to the fact that I don't consider myself to be all that kind most of the time anyway. I avoid people at all costs and I especially avoid conversation and any type of encounter with them. However, when I do have to speak to them I do try to be a tad bit kind, it just doesn't always come off that way. I notice that my co-workers will say good morning to everyone in my cubicle and skip over me. I know that this is because I've probably grumped at them in the past and they've learned their lesson. I'm at my kindest state when no words are exchanged. I'm going to make it a goal to work on that this week.

"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it." – Pablo Casals.

I am always quick to say I do not have time to deal with something or someone. I have always felt that me not getting involved in things is the best thing for me. I recite arguments within that I feel will justify my inaction. I will drown out that little voice inside my head called my conscience in a heartbeat. So I ask myself; do I have the courage to listen to the intrinsic decency and act on the promptings of inherent goodness?

Sympathy is something I do honestly try to have for people. I don't understand why this is so hard for me sometimes. I am always getting told by my supervisor at work to be sympathetic with my customers who call in. It's not the fact that I don't know those people, but it's just that I feel that we all go through things, but 9 times out of 10 people make things worse than what they really are. I'm always telling people to "stop crying and man up!" Life to me is too short to be crying over spilled milk. However, I do realize that some people out there do just need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. I do try to give the best advise I can give; which most of the time comes off as too raw. So I find myself apologizing a lot because of my lack tact and empathy.

It's said that being kind takes patience and understanding. Honestly speaking, I don't have patience for people who don't understand themselves. Who am I to tell you about YOU? I feel that you should already know. Why is it so easy for me to read people that can't read themselves? Perhaps they are ignoring the voices in their own head; causing them to be in extreme denial. That's a totally different subject though. Being kind for me sometimes causes me to dismiss the obvious and listen to what could be labeled as bullshit. It's also said that kindness cannot and should not be a platform for indulgence or permissiveness. True kindness firmly refuses to indulge someone in what is not good for that person. In other words, I'm the last person you need to come to, loll. I can be a bit of a bad influence and detrimental to the human foundation.

I will say that I have my moments and it does feel good when I know I've helped someone through something. I can't lie and say that I don't play favoritism. I tend to be much more kind to those that have earned their way into my heart. I honestly do want to stop doing this. I know that there are people out there who take advantage of those naturally kind souls and I've always said that I do not want to be that person. I'll be damned if someone walks over me and takes my kindness for weakness. So I've built this extra tough layer of skin over my softness. Hardly anyone makes it to that softness. Now that I think of it, the last person I tried to be genuinely kind to shut me down repeatedly. I think the world is so use to cold hearted ways that people portray that they don't know how to react when someone is actually being kind to them. So when I began to retreat back to my "hard and aggressive" ways; she accepted them with open arms. Odd.

However, I do know that kindness is an act smiled on by God, and anything that makes Him smile I want to portray. I believe with my current life experiences I can decipher between deserving people and undeserving people. I know who will take advantage of my kindness and who will humbly accept it. So this week I vow to being more kind to those around me. I will try and say good morning to everyone I see and give them a warm smile, instead of my usual half smirk and clenched teeth. I will try to willingly help everyone without spewing sarcastic remarks at them of them being able to do it their damn selves. I'm sure they will think the world is ending tomorrow and will retort their own smart remarks, but I'll do my best to ignore them. This new leaf is being turned over. Hopefully I won't get discouraged and end up using that same leaf as toilet paper and telling everyone to kiss my ass.

Okay, I felt my day taking a slight turn and this only happened within 2 hours. No worries. I'm still all smiles. One of my expectations turned into a slight disappointment is all. It seems as if no one has anything significant to say to me today. I think I'm over it now though. So it's said that keeping the heart warm will bring great blessings. I can vow this to be true. When my heart is at it's warmest temperature; great things seem to happen. My days are so much brighter and the blessings come by the millisecond it seems.


Walk tall as the trees,

live strong as the mountains,

be gentle as the spring winds,

keep the warmth of the summer sun

in your heart, and the great spirit

will always be with you.

- American Indian Proverb, "unknown tribe"


I think the quote truly speaks for itself. Not really much to elaborate on when it comes to the meaning of it. Ingredients as follows; self esteem, strength, humility and kindness. Mix together in your heart and watch what miracles occur. This is the recipe for great blessings.

I can't say that everything has gone smooth for me this year thus far. In fact, a lot of fucked up things have occurred. I have taken it all in stride though. I've kept moving in life and have let none of it hold me down. People have made fun of my height for years and they still do on a day to day basis. I'm a Shorty; get over it, please. Truth be told; I do walk as tall as the trees. I stand high above so many; mentally and spiritually. So I continue to laugh at the immature remarks being spoken, because I know how tall I stand in life. I know how strong I am in life. I know that every trial and tribulation I experience will only make me stronger and wiser. I know that I can be hard at times and my skin can be very tough to break on the outside. I have a very big problem with letting people in my heart, but once you're in there; I can be the most gentle and kindest person you know. It just takes awhile to get there, loll.

All in all, I'm happy with the woman that I've grown to be. I wouldn't change me for anyone or anything. I'm confident in my thinking, actions, and all around being. People don’t like me, and I respect them for their opinions. Everyone isn't going to like who you are in life. Someone will always have a problem. I've proven to be a weirdo and one who is constantly misunderstood. I am a life long study that will more than likely never be figured out. I love that! I love the mystery behind my own eyes. I love the interest that are peaked within the first 5 minutes of conversing with me. Turns me on, haha. I turn me on! Too much information? Lmao, I'm sure. Sorry.

I want to thank my loved ones who have loved me since the beginning of time. Love is a powerful thing. When it's lost it hurts like hell, but when it comes back and is received all over again; the feeling is indescribable. This brings the warmth of the heart up a few notches and is THE GREATEST blessing of all blessings. So those who have stuck it out with me this year and who have not turned their backs on me, I appreciate you. I welcome the new comers into my life, because even though you've been here for a short period of time, you've still made an impact on my life. You all have added flavor to my great recipe for blessings. Because of you, I'm winning. The victory smells and tastes like a warm peach cobbler! Okay, Okay, I'm getting mushy. I must go now. Someone turned the heat on here at the office, so we all may die soon. So if you don't hear from me again; you know what happened. Peace.

I can't believe it's almost 1:00! I have been so busy today; I'm surprised my head is still attached to my body. Even though work is kicking my ass like a UFC event, I'm having a wonderful day. It's a beautiful day outside, although hot as hell! Houston surely doesn't know how to act when it comes to this heat. My mind feels more at ease today, which is good, because today is the first day back to Comcast. I wonder what awaits me when I get there. Which customers will rip me a new one tonight? Ha! I don't care, today they can't break me, phase me; as a matter of fact they can blow me!

Damn, I can't believe it is June already! We are half way through this year! 6 months away from being 2009, 6 months away from reaching my 5 year anniversary at my company, and 7 months away from being 25 yrs old. Yes, time is definitely flying this year. Even after all the crazy things that has happened thus far, I am still enjoying this year nonetheless. I am still excited about what other blessings are coming my way. This month's quote is about Solitude. This is truly right up my alley, because I am a person that is use to secluding myself from the world to gather my mental and concentrate on my spiritual. James Russell Lowell 's words are chosen for this month.

TGIF!! I say that with the utmost sincerity and excitement! The last day of a hectic week. Hectic in so many ways, might I add. I'm sitting here re-tracing all of the thoughts, emotions and events that took place. Mentally, I was all over the place this week! My mind took a hike around the world and it took me through a lot of obstacles and emotional mazes. I didn't know just how much of a control freak I was until now. I've always had complete control over everything in my life, and when things don't go that way; oh boy. During this mental hike, I analyzed all the current issues that I didn't control that had my mind blown. Coming to grips with the fact that I can't control everything and that sometimes it is okay to lose control; i started to feel a little better. It was then that I found my peace zone and was finally able to exhale.

It's definitely time for new blessings in my life. It's impossible to receive those blessings when I have my my "junk" and other people's "junk" blocking them. I have a habit of taking the blame for other people's issues. This is definitely the case when it comes to close friends and family. To avoid confrontation and change in our relationship, I take the blame for everything and take complete control over the situation. I can't do that anymore. No matter how much I love a person, I can't be held responsible for their "junk". Tamica is guilty of alot of things, but shes not guilty of everything. Those things I am guilty of, I repent for those guilts and ask for forgiveness. I am facing the fears of change and learning to take a loss. I'm being truly grown and learning how to love people enough to let them go. In fact, I had to file alot things that occurred this week in my "let it go and let God" folder. When its all let go of and thrown upon Him, this makes room for those new blessings created for me. I declare this day to be the first day of the rest of my life. I truly am appreciative of the people in my life that has been there for me no matter what. I am not the friendliest person or the easiest person to get along with. Yet and still, those roots under my tree still keep me standing tall. They never break from underneath me. They never let something petty break our friendship apart. My best interest is in their heart, and I am so honored to have friends and family like this in my life.

I am ready to kick start this weekend. Sadly, I have to work tonight and tomorrow night, but that is alright. I have a date with my big sister tonight and we're going to spend some quality time with one another. I'm trying to get her on to this whole blogging thing. I know it'll be right up her alley. Although, not as many people read and comment on my blog as I'd like, but it's still enjoyable. I still plan on going back home this weekend to hang out with the parents. I haven't been to "church" in quite some time so Sunday is the day that I partake in a visit that is long over due.

I wish everyone a eventful and safe weekend ahead. It's a tad big gloomy here in Texas, but the sun is surely shining in my world!