Oh my goodness, what an awesome weekend I had. I didn't do anything major outside of my normal quality time spent with the people that I love. My last blog was about the changes of the seasons. What I anticipated the fall might bring my way. So far, so good. Work seems to be steady at both jobs, my relationship with my family is growing tighter and tighter as the weeks pass, and my love life has finally been taken off life support and is breathing on it's own. The feeling is indescribable. All of the above mentioned has brought so many smiles to my face. People are starting to notice my new vibe, and that I'm glowing like a full moon on a hot summer night. It feels good.
"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."
- Washington Irving
The bizarre situations in my life never cease to expire, but I don't let them stress me. From car problems, apartment maintenance problems, financial problems, to extremely bad hair days (like I'll be having for the next few days); all doesn't even matter. It'll pass like everything else has in my past times.
Speaking of changes; I have been battling with myself over the company I keep or (don't keep). With the new blessings that have entered my life recently; I realize how thirsty I was for genuine friendship. One without strain on any end. One that is unconditional, and one that is understanding. The weather may get a bit frigid soon, because I now know it's time to let go of a bond that I thought would last forever. However, it's stressing me out more than it should. I've tried to rationalize from every angle and give chances for redemption, but nothing has changed. I feel that no effort is even being put into possible change. My feelings on the issue are rapidly dissolving. Once I reach the end of my cup; it's a wrap. I don't want any free re-fills. When that well runs dry; I know my phone will ring. Will I answer? That is the million dollar question. Time to hit the road. There is nothing but an open highway of opportunity in my view. Goodbye to those of my past. Hello to those of my future.
"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."
- Washington Irving
The bizarre situations in my life never cease to expire, but I don't let them stress me. From car problems, apartment maintenance problems, financial problems, to extremely bad hair days (like I'll be having for the next few days); all doesn't even matter. It'll pass like everything else has in my past times.
Speaking of changes; I have been battling with myself over the company I keep or (don't keep). With the new blessings that have entered my life recently; I realize how thirsty I was for genuine friendship. One without strain on any end. One that is unconditional, and one that is understanding. The weather may get a bit frigid soon, because I now know it's time to let go of a bond that I thought would last forever. However, it's stressing me out more than it should. I've tried to rationalize from every angle and give chances for redemption, but nothing has changed. I feel that no effort is even being put into possible change. My feelings on the issue are rapidly dissolving. Once I reach the end of my cup; it's a wrap. I don't want any free re-fills. When that well runs dry; I know my phone will ring. Will I answer? That is the million dollar question. Time to hit the road. There is nothing but an open highway of opportunity in my view. Goodbye to those of my past. Hello to those of my future.
Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. But of course, like autumn, it doesn't last.
- C.S. Lewis, "Letters of C. S. Lewis [1966] "27 October 1963""
- C.S. Lewis, "Letters of C. S. Lewis [1966] "27 October 1963""
I can't believe tomorrow is the first day of Autumn already. Time is flying by like the speed of light. It's truly bizarre. Somebody has set us in fast forward mode and there is not stopping the inevitable. This really is my favorite season for many reasons. The weather is cooling down, the leaves are beginning to fall, the colors are beginning to dim and my new outlook on current life is beginning to set.
This season is bringing on new hope, new commitments, new love, new money and new visions. I am excited to wrap up this year. I'm so ready for 2010 it's insane. This year wasn't all that great for me, but I'm still ticking nonetheless. I'm getting older, and all of my experiences throughout all of my seasons have taught me so much and have brought me so far. I sulk, I whine and I grieve like any other human, but I realize that I'm a truly blessed individual.
For those actually looking for a REAL post from me; here it is. This is where my mind is at right now. I try to keep it positive no matter what obstacles are thrown my way. I think my previous posts vouch for that last statement. Life is alright for me right now. I'm excited about the beginning of a new season; my favorite season. I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I do. For some; it's time to let those deadbeat leaves fall from your tree and clean house! Ya'll know what I mean; those seasonal people. Only here for whatever reason, but are not meant to stay. Please let em go. It's time. If you don't dig Autumn as much as I do; at least it's almost time for daylight savings and you get an extra hour of sleep!
So after Ye's typical outburst on the VMA's; he felt the need to apologize to poor Taylor Swift. That poor little country white girl! I felt so bad for her after his black ass got up there and acted a fool! We know Beyonce should've won, but damn give somebody else a time to shine! Don't throw shade Ye!! Anyway, here is the apology that he gave on the Jay Leno show.
**The video has been pulled, and I'm too lazy to go find another one**
Well, I must say that it ain't no Chris Brown apology. I can say that it's from the heart, but how many times do you have to apologize for your actions Ye?! We've heard it all before! He is like an award show hit man! I do hope that this is his last stunt though, because I like Kanye. He's a very talented dude, but clearly he has emotional problems. He doesn't know how to express his feelings in the correct way; whatever that may be. I thought he'd be more humble after the loss of his mother, but 99% of the time; people don't change no matter what happens in their life. Ye, something's got to give though. I know you said "you wanna check into the heartbreak hotel, but sorry we're closed", but you might wanna call them back! They may have some vacancies!
Well, I must say that it ain't no Chris Brown apology. I can say that it's from the heart, but how many times do you have to apologize for your actions Ye?! We've heard it all before! He is like an award show hit man! I do hope that this is his last stunt though, because I like Kanye. He's a very talented dude, but clearly he has emotional problems. He doesn't know how to express his feelings in the correct way; whatever that may be. I thought he'd be more humble after the loss of his mother, but 99% of the time; people don't change no matter what happens in their life. Ye, something's got to give though. I know you said "you wanna check into the heartbreak hotel, but sorry we're closed", but you might wanna call them back! They may have some vacancies!
Omg!!! I am coming back...I promise!
I'm alive. Busy, but alive. I miss writing here, and I miss the little comments I did get by those who read my posts. Thanks for NOT unfollowing me, loll.
I'll be back.
She and I had been going strong for about 6 months. We were beyond the point of being in love. She was a part of me. We were young, dumb and freshly gay, loll. This was my very first girlfriend, and the feeling was indescribable. I was forming into something that had no room for shame nor insecurity. This was my lifestyle; our lifestyle.
We met in college. Neither one of us finished, but back then we were on some sort of a mission. Two smart young women. Pressured by the drugs, sex and alcohol; but we got our studies in and maintained an average GPA. She was younger than I and only came to my school for an English class. She was in a program for Liberal arts and required for her to attend my university for this specific English class. I hated our schedules and the fact that we didn't attend the same schools. I dealt with it though. Our relationship was quite rocky, because I always felt something was missing or being left unsaid. We summed it all up as me being paranoid, because of the dirt that I had swept under the rug. As true as this was, I was still convinced that something was a miss!
Her and I had a couple mutual friends, but for the most part all of my friends were older and hers were younger. So we didn't all mesh too well, loll me and my friends thought we were hot shit anyway. It was the Spring semester right before our summer vacation started. I was quite saddened, because she was going back to Jersey for the summer. I was going to miss her so much, and would have to fight every temptation coming my way. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to the summer months at all.
Trying to rid my mind of the months ahead, I got ready for a few graduations I had lined up to attend. The college graduations were first and then came the high school. This booked up 3 weekends in a row for me. I had one more graduation to attend at the beginning of June for my little cousin. He was graduating from high school, and planned on attending the same university as I. We both anticipated his arrival. I didn't however anticipate sitting through yet another long drawn out graduation ceremony in hot ass Texas.
The Compaq Center was packed! All the supporting friends and families of the class of 2006. I forgot how complicated parking and seating was at this place. I mean I hadn't been there since I graduated 3 years before. I was riding solo that day, because my family were all coming at different times. I hate waiting around and I hate being late to any occasion. So I was the designated person to go ahead of everybody else and save the seats. I saw a few familiar faces and I stopped and spoke to a couple of old classmates. I was a little surprised to see my Bahamian beauty's folks entering the same section of seating that I was.
"Hey honey!" Her Aunt reached out and gave me a big hug. I returned the gesture and my eyes scanned the crowd for the love of my life. I had just got off the phone with her before parking, and she told me she was getting dressed. I didn't bother asking were she was going, because I had planned to see her later on that night.
"Hey Aunt Dorothy, what are you guys doing here?" I asked nodding to the rest of the family present. I've seen them all on a few occasions here and there. Some of them did not approve of my role in her life, but they keep it cordial and respectful when we do see one another.
"We're here to support our baby girl!" I had forgotten she had a cousin a few years younger than her graduating this year. I didn't know she went to the same school as my cousin though.
"Oh yes, well I guess I'm here to see a couple of people walk across that stage then," I said looking out to the crowd growing by the second. I knew I had to make a mad dash for the nearest open row of seats before they were all claimed for.
"Yes, honey. We are so glad our baby has finally done it! She's the last one for a long time." We all started moving down the steps looking for empty sections. I found one down towards the bottom, and decided to block those two rows off. I knew one of my family members would be here soon to help me weed off the people.
I saw Aunt Dorothy and the rest of her family filling up the section to the right side of me. I looked in a couple of the familiar faces and read the sign of disapproval upon them. I didn’t care though. We as people can't help who we fall in love with. Speaking of love, I decided to text her once more to see if she was coming or not. The ceremony was to begin in about 15 minutes or so, but I know she was never one to be on time if she was going somewhere without me.
My people started to arrive when the opening music began to play and the graduates started to march in. I heard her family cheering as I was facing the top of the stairs looking for my love. She never texted me back, but I figured she was on her way or didn't hear the phone. I knew her family was cheering for the young graduate, but by the time I turned around she had already passed. I saw what I thought was the back of her walking towards the designated seats. I got comfortable in my chair, because I knew this was going to be a very long ceremony. I pulled out my cell phone and started to play a game.
My cell phone was damn near dead by the time I realized she was not going to show up. The last names beginning with "T's" were making their way across the stage. I really wanted to leave when my cousin walked about 45 minutes ago, but I said I would stay for the entire thing. I saw her family begin to rise out of the corner of my eye. I could hear the anticipation as they awaited for the young one to cross. I could actually see her edging up towards the top of the ramp. She was shorter than I remembered her being though. I could see the profile of her face when my 3 month old cousin sitting next to me on his mother's lap placed his hand on my arm. I turned towards him and smiled when I heard her name. The family all yelled, screamed and blew whistles as she crossed the stage. I sat there frozen solid as my eyes followed her coming down the ramp with a huge smile plastered on her face. My eyes kept following her while she looked around the audience for her loved ones. She spotted them, but she must've felt my gaze, because we met eye contact and that smile quickly faded.
No wonder she didn't respond to my text messages. Graduates can't carry cell phones in to the commencement areas. The name I heard being called was not the name of that young cousin that I remembered. It was HER. The love of my life. It was then that I realized that I'd been played. She just graduated from high school! She'd been lying to me the entire time. Our eyes unlocked when the graduate behind her playfully punched her in the shoulder; letting her know that she needed to catch up with the rest of the line.
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I ended up breaking my promise to my cousin after telling the rest of our family that I needed to go home and lay down. I just had to get out of there. I didn't know where to place my emotions. I wanted to cry, laugh and rejoice all at the same time. I finally got the answer to the question that had been burning the inside of my head for the past 6 months. I knew what the missing piece of the puzzle was. I also knew that it was the end of my relationship as I knew it.
FACT OR FICTION?
**P.S.- Excuse any typos or grammatical errors. I damn near wrote this with my eyes closed on the remaining 10 minutes of my lunch break.**
We met in college. Neither one of us finished, but back then we were on some sort of a mission. Two smart young women. Pressured by the drugs, sex and alcohol; but we got our studies in and maintained an average GPA. She was younger than I and only came to my school for an English class. She was in a program for Liberal arts and required for her to attend my university for this specific English class. I hated our schedules and the fact that we didn't attend the same schools. I dealt with it though. Our relationship was quite rocky, because I always felt something was missing or being left unsaid. We summed it all up as me being paranoid, because of the dirt that I had swept under the rug. As true as this was, I was still convinced that something was a miss!
Her and I had a couple mutual friends, but for the most part all of my friends were older and hers were younger. So we didn't all mesh too well, loll me and my friends thought we were hot shit anyway. It was the Spring semester right before our summer vacation started. I was quite saddened, because she was going back to Jersey for the summer. I was going to miss her so much, and would have to fight every temptation coming my way. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to the summer months at all.
Trying to rid my mind of the months ahead, I got ready for a few graduations I had lined up to attend. The college graduations were first and then came the high school. This booked up 3 weekends in a row for me. I had one more graduation to attend at the beginning of June for my little cousin. He was graduating from high school, and planned on attending the same university as I. We both anticipated his arrival. I didn't however anticipate sitting through yet another long drawn out graduation ceremony in hot ass Texas.
The Compaq Center was packed! All the supporting friends and families of the class of 2006. I forgot how complicated parking and seating was at this place. I mean I hadn't been there since I graduated 3 years before. I was riding solo that day, because my family were all coming at different times. I hate waiting around and I hate being late to any occasion. So I was the designated person to go ahead of everybody else and save the seats. I saw a few familiar faces and I stopped and spoke to a couple of old classmates. I was a little surprised to see my Bahamian beauty's folks entering the same section of seating that I was.
"Hey honey!" Her Aunt reached out and gave me a big hug. I returned the gesture and my eyes scanned the crowd for the love of my life. I had just got off the phone with her before parking, and she told me she was getting dressed. I didn't bother asking were she was going, because I had planned to see her later on that night.
"Hey Aunt Dorothy, what are you guys doing here?" I asked nodding to the rest of the family present. I've seen them all on a few occasions here and there. Some of them did not approve of my role in her life, but they keep it cordial and respectful when we do see one another.
"We're here to support our baby girl!" I had forgotten she had a cousin a few years younger than her graduating this year. I didn't know she went to the same school as my cousin though.
"Oh yes, well I guess I'm here to see a couple of people walk across that stage then," I said looking out to the crowd growing by the second. I knew I had to make a mad dash for the nearest open row of seats before they were all claimed for.
"Yes, honey. We are so glad our baby has finally done it! She's the last one for a long time." We all started moving down the steps looking for empty sections. I found one down towards the bottom, and decided to block those two rows off. I knew one of my family members would be here soon to help me weed off the people.
I saw Aunt Dorothy and the rest of her family filling up the section to the right side of me. I looked in a couple of the familiar faces and read the sign of disapproval upon them. I didn’t care though. We as people can't help who we fall in love with. Speaking of love, I decided to text her once more to see if she was coming or not. The ceremony was to begin in about 15 minutes or so, but I know she was never one to be on time if she was going somewhere without me.
My people started to arrive when the opening music began to play and the graduates started to march in. I heard her family cheering as I was facing the top of the stairs looking for my love. She never texted me back, but I figured she was on her way or didn't hear the phone. I knew her family was cheering for the young graduate, but by the time I turned around she had already passed. I saw what I thought was the back of her walking towards the designated seats. I got comfortable in my chair, because I knew this was going to be a very long ceremony. I pulled out my cell phone and started to play a game.
My cell phone was damn near dead by the time I realized she was not going to show up. The last names beginning with "T's" were making their way across the stage. I really wanted to leave when my cousin walked about 45 minutes ago, but I said I would stay for the entire thing. I saw her family begin to rise out of the corner of my eye. I could hear the anticipation as they awaited for the young one to cross. I could actually see her edging up towards the top of the ramp. She was shorter than I remembered her being though. I could see the profile of her face when my 3 month old cousin sitting next to me on his mother's lap placed his hand on my arm. I turned towards him and smiled when I heard her name. The family all yelled, screamed and blew whistles as she crossed the stage. I sat there frozen solid as my eyes followed her coming down the ramp with a huge smile plastered on her face. My eyes kept following her while she looked around the audience for her loved ones. She spotted them, but she must've felt my gaze, because we met eye contact and that smile quickly faded.
No wonder she didn't respond to my text messages. Graduates can't carry cell phones in to the commencement areas. The name I heard being called was not the name of that young cousin that I remembered. It was HER. The love of my life. It was then that I realized that I'd been played. She just graduated from high school! She'd been lying to me the entire time. Our eyes unlocked when the graduate behind her playfully punched her in the shoulder; letting her know that she needed to catch up with the rest of the line.
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I ended up breaking my promise to my cousin after telling the rest of our family that I needed to go home and lay down. I just had to get out of there. I didn't know where to place my emotions. I wanted to cry, laugh and rejoice all at the same time. I finally got the answer to the question that had been burning the inside of my head for the past 6 months. I knew what the missing piece of the puzzle was. I also knew that it was the end of my relationship as I knew it.
FACT OR FICTION?
**P.S.- Excuse any typos or grammatical errors. I damn near wrote this with my eyes closed on the remaining 10 minutes of my lunch break.**
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
