Commencement Ceremony: Fact or Fiction
She and I had been going strong for about 6 months. We were beyond the point of being in love. She was a part of me. We were young, dumb and freshly gay, loll. This was my very first girlfriend, and the feeling was indescribable. I was forming into something that had no room for shame nor insecurity. This was my lifestyle; our lifestyle.

We met in college. Neither one of us finished, but back then we were on some sort of a mission. Two smart young women. Pressured by the drugs, sex and alcohol; but we got our studies in and maintained an average GPA. She was younger than I and only came to my school for an English class. She was in a program for Liberal arts and required for her to attend my university for this specific English class. I hated our schedules and the fact that we didn't attend the same schools. I dealt with it though. Our relationship was quite rocky, because I always felt something was missing or being left unsaid. We summed it all up as me being paranoid, because of the dirt that I had swept under the rug. As true as this was, I was still convinced that something was a miss!

Her and I had a couple mutual friends, but for the most part all of my friends were older and hers were younger. So we didn't all mesh too well, loll me and my friends thought we were hot shit anyway. It was the Spring semester right before our summer vacation started. I was quite saddened, because she was going back to Jersey for the summer. I was going to miss her so much, and would have to fight every temptation coming my way. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to the summer months at all.

Trying to rid my mind of the months ahead, I got ready for a few graduations I had lined up to attend. The college graduations were first and then came the high school. This booked up 3 weekends in a row for me. I had one more graduation to attend at the beginning of June for my little cousin. He was graduating from high school, and planned on attending the same university as I. We both anticipated his arrival. I didn't however anticipate sitting through yet another long drawn out graduation ceremony in hot ass Texas.

The Compaq Center was packed! All the supporting friends and families of the class of 2006. I forgot how complicated parking and seating was at this place. I mean I hadn't been there since I graduated 3 years before. I was riding solo that day, because my family were all coming at different times. I hate waiting around and I hate being late to any occasion. So I was the designated person to go ahead of everybody else and save the seats. I saw a few familiar faces and I stopped and spoke to a couple of old classmates. I was a little surprised to see my Bahamian beauty's folks entering the same section of seating that I was.

"Hey honey!" Her Aunt reached out and gave me a big hug. I returned the gesture and my eyes scanned the crowd for the love of my life. I had just got off the phone with her before parking, and she told me she was getting dressed. I didn't bother asking were she was going, because I had planned to see her later on that night.

"Hey Aunt Dorothy, what are you guys doing here?" I asked nodding to the rest of the family present. I've seen them all on a few occasions here and there. Some of them did not approve of my role in her life, but they keep it cordial and respectful when we do see one another.

"We're here to support our baby girl!" I had forgotten she had a cousin a few years younger than her graduating this year. I didn't know she went to the same school as my cousin though.

"Oh yes, well I guess I'm here to see a couple of people walk across that stage then," I said looking out to the crowd growing by the second. I knew I had to make a mad dash for the nearest open row of seats before they were all claimed for.

"Yes, honey. We are so glad our baby has finally done it! She's the last one for a long time." We all started moving down the steps looking for empty sections. I found one down towards the bottom, and decided to block those two rows off. I knew one of my family members would be here soon to help me weed off the people.

I saw Aunt Dorothy and the rest of her family filling up the section to the right side of me. I looked in a couple of the familiar faces and read the sign of disapproval upon them. I didn’t care though. We as people can't help who we fall in love with. Speaking of love, I decided to text her once more to see if she was coming or not. The ceremony was to begin in about 15 minutes or so, but I know she was never one to be on time if she was going somewhere without me.

My people started to arrive when the opening music began to play and the graduates started to march in. I heard her family cheering as I was facing the top of the stairs looking for my love. She never texted me back, but I figured she was on her way or didn't hear the phone. I knew her family was cheering for the young graduate, but by the time I turned around she had already passed. I saw what I thought was the back of her walking towards the designated seats. I got comfortable in my chair, because I knew this was going to be a very long ceremony. I pulled out my cell phone and started to play a game.

My cell phone was damn near dead by the time I realized she was not going to show up. The last names beginning with "T's" were making their way across the stage. I really wanted to leave when my cousin walked about 45 minutes ago, but I said I would stay for the entire thing. I saw her family begin to rise out of the corner of my eye. I could hear the anticipation as they awaited for the young one to cross. I could actually see her edging up towards the top of the ramp. She was shorter than I remembered her being though. I could see the profile of her face when my 3 month old cousin sitting next to me on his mother's lap placed his hand on my arm. I turned towards him and smiled when I heard her name. The family all yelled, screamed and blew whistles as she crossed the stage. I sat there frozen solid as my eyes followed her coming down the ramp with a huge smile plastered on her face. My eyes kept following her while she looked around the audience for her loved ones. She spotted them, but she must've felt my gaze, because we met eye contact and that smile quickly faded.

No wonder she didn't respond to my text messages. Graduates can't carry cell phones in to the commencement areas. The name I heard being called was not the name of that young cousin that I remembered. It was HER. The love of my life. It was then that I realized that I'd been played. She just graduated from high school! She'd been lying to me the entire time. Our eyes unlocked when the graduate behind her playfully punched her in the shoulder; letting her know that she needed to catch up with the rest of the line.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I ended up breaking my promise to my cousin after telling the rest of our family that I needed to go home and lay down. I just had to get out of there. I didn't know where to place my emotions. I wanted to cry, laugh and rejoice all at the same time. I finally got the answer to the question that had been burning the inside of my head for the past 6 months. I knew what the missing piece of the puzzle was. I also knew that it was the end of my relationship as I knew it.


**P.S.- Excuse any typos or grammatical errors. I damn near wrote this with my eyes closed on the remaining 10 minutes of my lunch break.**
Tuesday Rambles Episode 12

You and your amazing energy are incredibly attractive to the right people today -- so get out there and see what you can shake up! It's a great time for you to get new social grooves going. <-My Aquarius horoscope for the day. I'm going to take this advice.

I totally forgot to DVR Big Brother 11 tonight! I missed the show on Sunday as well. I was watching movies with my family, and they all hate Big Brother. I'll have to catch both missed episodes on demand probably tomorrow night.

My niece and nephew are coming into town this weekend. I can't wait to see my babies. Although they are not babies anymore. I don't have a picture of my niece, but here is my 16 yr old nephew…

He is damn near a grown man now. That scares me to say the least. They both tower over me, but then again; most people do. We all know I'm vertically challenged. Anyway, can't wait to spend time with the kiddos this weekend.

I bought myself a new webcam yesterday. Somebody stepped on my last one. I'm going to start doing video blogs. I'm not going to give up my writing, but there are some topics I need to be heard face to face on. I was playing around with the cam on Yahoo! last night with my mystery lover, Fe Fe. Had a blast.

My song of the day is Scars, by Papa Roach. Just listen to the lyrics. I can identify with this song to the 10th power. OMG! "My weakness is that I care too much."

This quote was posted by im_Cb on twitter this morning. "Intelligence without ambition is like a bird with no wings." - Salvador Dali This is the shit I try to school people on. I gotta backdoor this quote and throw out there that love with no action is like a runner with no legs nor prosthetic limbs. WE AIN'T GOING NOWHERE!!!

Everytime I look up and I see this picture of myself at 4 yrs old, I just wanna go back. I wanna go back to the beginning when it was all so simple. The year was '88. I had the love of my parents and my little imagination to guide me through my adventerous days. I knew very little, but was eager to learn so much. I have to admit; that if I were given the opprotunity to go back to 1988…I'd decline. My cards were dealt and I played each and every hand the best way I possibly could at that point in time. It all made me into the woman I am today. I wouldn’t trade me in for nothing.
Poor Drake Takes A Spill On Stage

I still love you Drizzy. That's super embarrassing though. I didn't even laugh; I promise. You know everybody else is though. Even Lil' Wayne. *sad face* Forget Wayne, you don't have to go back to that wheelchair you were in on Degrassi! Although, I wish you would've handled it like a G like Beyonce did when she did that military tuck and roll down the stairs on her tour. If it's any consolation to you; they would've had to carry my ass offstage too!

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