In honor of my hectic week ahead; I know I'll need some inspiration, so this quote came right on time. It deals with kindness. I know that when I'm in my serious business mode, it's hard for me to remain in a kind spirit. Especially due to the fact that I don't consider myself to be all that kind most of the time anyway. I avoid people at all costs and I especially avoid conversation and any type of encounter with them. However, when I do have to speak to them I do try to be a tad bit kind, it just doesn't always come off that way. I notice that my co-workers will say good morning to everyone in my cubicle and skip over me. I know that this is because I've probably grumped at them in the past and they've learned their lesson. I'm at my kindest state when no words are exchanged. I'm going to make it a goal to work on that this week.

"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it." – Pablo Casals.

I am always quick to say I do not have time to deal with something or someone. I have always felt that me not getting involved in things is the best thing for me. I recite arguments within that I feel will justify my inaction. I will drown out that little voice inside my head called my conscience in a heartbeat. So I ask myself; do I have the courage to listen to the intrinsic decency and act on the promptings of inherent goodness?

Sympathy is something I do honestly try to have for people. I don't understand why this is so hard for me sometimes. I am always getting told by my supervisor at work to be sympathetic with my customers who call in. It's not the fact that I don't know those people, but it's just that I feel that we all go through things, but 9 times out of 10 people make things worse than what they really are. I'm always telling people to "stop crying and man up!" Life to me is too short to be crying over spilled milk. However, I do realize that some people out there do just need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. I do try to give the best advise I can give; which most of the time comes off as too raw. So I find myself apologizing a lot because of my lack tact and empathy.

It's said that being kind takes patience and understanding. Honestly speaking, I don't have patience for people who don't understand themselves. Who am I to tell you about YOU? I feel that you should already know. Why is it so easy for me to read people that can't read themselves? Perhaps they are ignoring the voices in their own head; causing them to be in extreme denial. That's a totally different subject though. Being kind for me sometimes causes me to dismiss the obvious and listen to what could be labeled as bullshit. It's also said that kindness cannot and should not be a platform for indulgence or permissiveness. True kindness firmly refuses to indulge someone in what is not good for that person. In other words, I'm the last person you need to come to, loll. I can be a bit of a bad influence and detrimental to the human foundation.

I will say that I have my moments and it does feel good when I know I've helped someone through something. I can't lie and say that I don't play favoritism. I tend to be much more kind to those that have earned their way into my heart. I honestly do want to stop doing this. I know that there are people out there who take advantage of those naturally kind souls and I've always said that I do not want to be that person. I'll be damned if someone walks over me and takes my kindness for weakness. So I've built this extra tough layer of skin over my softness. Hardly anyone makes it to that softness. Now that I think of it, the last person I tried to be genuinely kind to shut me down repeatedly. I think the world is so use to cold hearted ways that people portray that they don't know how to react when someone is actually being kind to them. So when I began to retreat back to my "hard and aggressive" ways; she accepted them with open arms. Odd.

However, I do know that kindness is an act smiled on by God, and anything that makes Him smile I want to portray. I believe with my current life experiences I can decipher between deserving people and undeserving people. I know who will take advantage of my kindness and who will humbly accept it. So this week I vow to being more kind to those around me. I will try and say good morning to everyone I see and give them a warm smile, instead of my usual half smirk and clenched teeth. I will try to willingly help everyone without spewing sarcastic remarks at them of them being able to do it their damn selves. I'm sure they will think the world is ending tomorrow and will retort their own smart remarks, but I'll do my best to ignore them. This new leaf is being turned over. Hopefully I won't get discouraged and end up using that same leaf as toilet paper and telling everyone to kiss my ass.