College Wednesday - Know Somebody Like This?
Yes, I know it isn't Wednesday. I didn't have time to post this yesterday, sue me. So welcome to a special edition of College Thursday where we summarize 99% of the people you'll ever meet in college or in life period. This week we introduce The Fuckin' Noo Yawker aka EMPIRE STATE COCK and The Dude Named Gary.



Fuckin Noo Yawker aka EMPIRE STATE COCK - A disproportionately large number of Fuckin' Noo Yawkers are criminal Justice, law, public administration majors. Actually from Long Island, the Fuckin' Noo Yawker has the uncanny talent of injecting the fact that they're from the NYC area into just about every conversation. They complain about just about every aspect of their college town, saying that it's inferior in some way to NYC. "You can't get a good bagel at 3:00 on a Sunday morning!" "The pizza here sucks!" They'll even take positive traits of their new surrounding and turn that into a negative -"The subway her in Washington is too clean! It's not a real fuckin' subway like in Noo Yawk, with litter, bums, rats, and the smell of piss and shit. That's real, not this sanitized Metro rail shit where they don' even let you eat a fucking pastrami on rye!"


I know this guy, I really do. I slept with his girlfriend in college. I wonder if that would've happened to him in New York? Lol, probably so, because dude was lame. Coming all the way to Texas to go to school was not anyone's fault but his own. Complaining about EVERYTHING! Relating every single conversation back to something in New York. Reminding us every time he got the chance to that he was from New York and not lame ass Texas. No we don't walk everywhere, we have cars SON! No we don't have underground transportation, but we do have ni*gas with bodies "marked up like a subway in Harlem." Nah, kid we don't have a fucking pastrami on rye, but we have fried bologna on white. No we don't have pizza slices as big and wide as your face, but we do have some bbq ribs that'll make you slap your "muvah". And wtf is a bagel? Lol, just playing, but take these country biscuits with sausage gravy and stfu. Ayo New York, don't like being outside of your city limits? By all means, just go back. We can communicate with one another on Facebook, holler.


"Gary" - Usually an unattractive guy who thinks he is a stud and acts like he is hung like a porn star. Thinks he can charm and seduce any woman by lecherously rubbing her back and give back massages while trying to undo her bra. Always touching up girls even if they give the message they are not interested, even in front of their boyfriend. But that’s cool, he has a black belt in Karate so he will be ready to fight off any pissed boyfriends. Carries a pair of handcuffs with him and loves to put girls through bondage in the pup even If they don't want it.

Wow, I knew this dude too. I knew him in high school and the bastard followed me to college. Keep in mind going into college I had a boyfriend. "Gary" didn't care though. He tried to sleep with me and every other girl on campus. For the life of me, I don't know how he even got his dick wet as much as he did. Must've been chicks with low self esteem. I can't lie, dude was a charmer, but also a slim ball! He was cheesy and corny. He tried to weasel his way into girl's dorm rooms however he could. Had boyfriend problems? "Gary" was the man to see you through those problems. Had academic troubles? "Gary" to the rescue, dude was a smarty pants too! He did not care if you were gay or straight, "Gary" had the solution to your every problem.

Okay, so again I apologize for my lateness on this post. I'd say it won't happen again, but I'd be lying. So thanks for checking out this Special College Thursday Edition, see ya'll next week.
5 Responses
  1. i hate when people act like that just because they're from somewhere else....but i can't lie, the south's pizza isn't anything close to the NE...and you can't get delicious food at ungodly hours like here either, just like people aren't as polite to you like they are in the south....it is what it is, but people shouldn't be snooty about it...


  2. Lol, I'm not going to lie, pizza in the south is horrible compared to up there. I just don't want to be reminded of that all the time, lol.


  3. Now you know I love my city, no place as wonderful. However Long Island is not a part of NYC so tell Old boy to give it a rest. LI's are what we call B&T and that ain't good.

    And I love a great meal at 4am and Pizza delicious but we don;t have no shoney's or bojangles. Yum Yum


  4. I don't know about no place as wonderful, but I do love NYC. Wtf is bojangles?! LOL!


  5. OH NY is a fantabulos place.

    No bojangles in TX? I thought they were all over the south, maybe just the south east. Its a fast food restaurant that serves buttery biscuits. Ya'll have Shoney's? If not I am never ever coming to TX HEHEhe


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