My Tuesday Rambles Episode 7
I am hating this Tuesday with a passion. There will be no pics in this episode unfortunately. Stop reading the shit at any time. I'm about to go off. I'm about to make some people mad. I'm about to make some people think. I'm about to make some people regret. Regret the fact that they ever crossed my path.

I have decided to really hit the pavement and find me another day time job. Hopefully I can find a day time job that will eliminate my night time job, and pay me like they have some sense.

My workload is unacceptable, and for the first time its starting to stress me out. Maybe it's that 5 year itch. Next month will mark that anniversary, and I'm tired. I look back on all the shit I've done here, and my paycheck has NEVER matched such shit. I'm pissed. People are dropping like flies and I see why. I am so proud of my Queen Bea for living, but now I actually envy her, but she put in wayyyyy more time in this company than I ever plan on putting in.

I don’t understand why females get jealous when you talk to the next chick. I mean if you aren't even attempting to grasp and hold my attention, why get mad? I'm not about to sit around and look at your dumb ass and you not bustin' a move. If you're never around, how the fuck am I going to get to know you? People are getting besides themselves, seriously. Folks take this next quote for granted. "What one woman won't do, another woman will." You're in way over your head, if you think I'm about to chase your ass around, and wait on you. Ha! Kick bricks.

What would you expect from somebody you gave $400 to when they said they really needed it? It was clearly out of the goodness of your heart, because the person didn't mention one time about paying you back. Am I stupid for actually expecting this person to go the extra mile for me since I did them that favor? I mean I'm not expecting rose petals to be dropped at my feet every time I walk, but damn can the person just be there for me when I'm having a bad day? My sister warned me that my mind would be playing tricks on me after I gave up a sum of money like that. She said it's going to feel like the person has changed and is taking me for granted, when in actuality they are just doing the same shit they did before the money was sent. Ahhh…never again.

I feel alone in my relationship, and it sucks. I would say it was bad timing, but when is the timing actually good?

I powered my phone off, and I don’t know when I'm going to turn it back on. I don’t believe it's anything anybody can say to me to actually lift my spirits. I've been talking to God all day, and I'm doing alright. I don't throw pity parties, so actually depending on a unselfish listening ear has never been my thing. That will just lead to more disappointment, because people can't handle the problems in their own lives, how dare I expect them to handle the problems in mine? So if you're calling, leave a message. I'll return the call eventually.

This isn't the attitude I wanted to end my year in. So I'm going to have to take the next two days off in pure solitude. I'm going to drown myself in positive thoughts, words and encouragement. I'm diving straight into that Book of Proverbs, Galatians and Ecclesiastes. I want to start 2009 off right. I want to have a clear mind. I want to have a clear slate. Well not totally clear, because I accomplished too many things in 2008 to erase them ya dig? This is a year of continuation. Finish what I started.

I thought about deleting my BlogSpot, but I doubt that I will. I'm just going through it right now, and that’s only natural to want to escape from every part of the world. I saw a boulder on the side of the highway the other day, and I almost pulled over to see if my ass could squeeze under it.

I hope that my "friends" can understand my absence for however long. I haven't had a real sabbatical in a minute. It's very rare, I get a call just to ask me how my day is going. Or to ask me how I'm feeling. Or to ask me if life is treating me well, and if it isn't, was there anything they can do? Lmaoo @ that thought. It's more like calls solely surrounded by that person and their problems. I have always been and more than likely always will be the listening ear. People are not use to Mica having personal problems, they never hear me talk about it. I just got off the phone with a friend who was extremely upset about her day, and I listened. I am sorry that her day is going bad, and I hope that it gets better. I did what I do best, and swallowed my own feelings and threw a blanket over my own problems to listen to my friend. That's what I am supposed to do though. However, I need some time. Away from it all.

Funny thing is, I have to leave this job and go to another one and listen to people's problems. People it all finally catching up to me? My parents didn't raise a quitter. But they also didn't raise a fool.

I really just want to crawl into my Queen Bea's lap and have her rock me back and forth. Crying my little eyes out and just listen to her say everything will be alright. Listen to her say that she and God will take care of me. I've never craved the strength of my father's embrace before until now. I want to hear I love you Tamica, and I want the person to mean it unconditionally. I want the actions to match the actual words. Not you love me one day, and shit on me the next. That's getting old.

Whewww this is a depressing ass blog, and I'm sorry ya'll. If you had any sense you would've stopped reading a long time ago, loll. I have more to say, but I'll leave that for my prayers. If I'm not back before the first; I hope every one of you has a great new years.

peace.
7 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Your just rambling....!!!!:)


  2. Jervis Says:

    get it off yurr mind gurl,damn


  3. Anonymous Says:

    Get out of my head!! lol

    I'm not even going to post today because I'm in such a bad mood. I didn't want my 2009 to start this way.

    But I'm going to do like you said and clear my mind and have positive thoughts. Everything will be fine in 2009!!

    I need a drink! Guess I can start early...lol

    Happy New Year!!


  4. WiZ Says:

    i cant believe you wanted to delete your blog. you must have hit your head really good.

    and yeah, i could feel the anger in this post. girl....do like the majority of people and just drink your 2008 away. by the time you wake up saturday, i promise you wont remember a thing


  5. WiZ Says:

    Happy New Year when it comes. (blows kiss)


  6. Miss Mika Says:

    I am really glad you decided against deleting your blog. Us Mika/Mica's have to stick together!!

    We share that in common... folks always calling, looking for a friendly ear to listen to their issues and problems, but don't know how to handle it when I need that same ear to listen. It has gotten to the point now where I feel like I have no one to go to and just go inside myself. And that isn't a good thing....

    All the time.

    Do whatever you need to do to get in that positive state of mind that you are normally in. Its alright to be a little down, just try not to stay there. Life is too short to allow the actions (or lack thereof) or others ruin your day.


  7. Hey - can you e-mail me - I need your e-mail address regarding the bloggers book club. darius@dariustwilliams.org.

    Thanks.


Related Posts with Thumbnails
  • The Lovies

    Love, Relationships, Lust & Sex

    Love, Relationships, Lust & Sex
    Check out my 2nd Blog. (Click the pic)