I can't seem to get out of this funk man. I go on through my days smiling like everything is on the up and up with me. I mean, I have everything I need to survive. I'm not starving. I have money in the bank. I'm just not satisfied right now. I realize that I've come a long way, but I just feel I need to be and should be so much further. I'm going through it, and the going through it doesn't look like it's going to come to an end anytime soon.

I've been having these weird dreams about my future. I'm yearning for things that I've never desired before. Like marriage, children, a family home. Ugh. I must be losing my mind. Even when I was little and I dreamt of my future, it was no family, no kids, no husband, no wife; just me. It was me dwelling in my happiness and success. I dreamt big, and I dreamt solo. Lately those solo dreams have deteriorated, and reproduced themselves, adding these faceless people in my future. A faceless woman, a couple faceless kids, a faceless dog and a nice home not even on the map. It's freaking me out.

I've never wanted things when everyone else wanted. I yearn in my own time frame. I don't cop something, because everybody else does. I don't do shit because it's the newest thing. If I don¢t do it first, I do it last. Either way, it's in my own time zone. So these recent dreams, I've been yearning young people talk about for a long time. They were the typical answers to the question; "where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?" Loll, my answer always had me on some secluded island by myself, writing my heart out. Or in some non US territory learning the language of my new neighbors. My family was always a postcard, a phone call, or a 10 to 12 hour flight away. However, where I resided; it was just me.

I'm a big dreamer, as most ambitious humans are. I have where I want to go in mind. Shit has just been changing for me lately. The climate in my heart is shifting. It's not as ice cold as it use to be. These new dreams of family life, marriage, and kids are highly insane to me, but I'm not swatting them away. I'm not saying that it's what I ultimately want, but if it happens to be on my way to my destination, I'll gladly accept it.

In the meantime, I have to get out of this funk. P.M.S ain't no joke, and like every woman; I hate it! It's a curse!! I see myself being extra sensitive for the remainder of the year. Ya'll brace yourselves!