I am hating this Tuesday with a passion. There will be no pics in this episode unfortunately. Stop reading the shit at any time. I'm about to go off. I'm about to make some people mad. I'm about to make some people think. I'm about to make some people regret. Regret the fact that they ever crossed my path.

I have decided to really hit the pavement and find me another day time job. Hopefully I can find a day time job that will eliminate my night time job, and pay me like they have some sense.

My workload is unacceptable, and for the first time its starting to stress me out. Maybe it's that 5 year itch. Next month will mark that anniversary, and I'm tired. I look back on all the shit I've done here, and my paycheck has NEVER matched such shit. I'm pissed. People are dropping like flies and I see why. I am so proud of my Queen Bea for living, but now I actually envy her, but she put in wayyyyy more time in this company than I ever plan on putting in.

I don’t understand why females get jealous when you talk to the next chick. I mean if you aren't even attempting to grasp and hold my attention, why get mad? I'm not about to sit around and look at your dumb ass and you not bustin' a move. If you're never around, how the fuck am I going to get to know you? People are getting besides themselves, seriously. Folks take this next quote for granted. "What one woman won't do, another woman will." You're in way over your head, if you think I'm about to chase your ass around, and wait on you. Ha! Kick bricks.

What would you expect from somebody you gave $400 to when they said they really needed it? It was clearly out of the goodness of your heart, because the person didn't mention one time about paying you back. Am I stupid for actually expecting this person to go the extra mile for me since I did them that favor? I mean I'm not expecting rose petals to be dropped at my feet every time I walk, but damn can the person just be there for me when I'm having a bad day? My sister warned me that my mind would be playing tricks on me after I gave up a sum of money like that. She said it's going to feel like the person has changed and is taking me for granted, when in actuality they are just doing the same shit they did before the money was sent. Ahhh…never again.

I feel alone in my relationship, and it sucks. I would say it was bad timing, but when is the timing actually good?

I powered my phone off, and I don’t know when I'm going to turn it back on. I don’t believe it's anything anybody can say to me to actually lift my spirits. I've been talking to God all day, and I'm doing alright. I don't throw pity parties, so actually depending on a unselfish listening ear has never been my thing. That will just lead to more disappointment, because people can't handle the problems in their own lives, how dare I expect them to handle the problems in mine? So if you're calling, leave a message. I'll return the call eventually.

This isn't the attitude I wanted to end my year in. So I'm going to have to take the next two days off in pure solitude. I'm going to drown myself in positive thoughts, words and encouragement. I'm diving straight into that Book of Proverbs, Galatians and Ecclesiastes. I want to start 2009 off right. I want to have a clear mind. I want to have a clear slate. Well not totally clear, because I accomplished too many things in 2008 to erase them ya dig? This is a year of continuation. Finish what I started.

I thought about deleting my BlogSpot, but I doubt that I will. I'm just going through it right now, and that’s only natural to want to escape from every part of the world. I saw a boulder on the side of the highway the other day, and I almost pulled over to see if my ass could squeeze under it.

I hope that my "friends" can understand my absence for however long. I haven't had a real sabbatical in a minute. It's very rare, I get a call just to ask me how my day is going. Or to ask me how I'm feeling. Or to ask me if life is treating me well, and if it isn't, was there anything they can do? Lmaoo @ that thought. It's more like calls solely surrounded by that person and their problems. I have always been and more than likely always will be the listening ear. People are not use to Mica having personal problems, they never hear me talk about it. I just got off the phone with a friend who was extremely upset about her day, and I listened. I am sorry that her day is going bad, and I hope that it gets better. I did what I do best, and swallowed my own feelings and threw a blanket over my own problems to listen to my friend. That's what I am supposed to do though. However, I need some time. Away from it all.

Funny thing is, I have to leave this job and go to another one and listen to people's problems. People it all finally catching up to me? My parents didn't raise a quitter. But they also didn't raise a fool.

I really just want to crawl into my Queen Bea's lap and have her rock me back and forth. Crying my little eyes out and just listen to her say everything will be alright. Listen to her say that she and God will take care of me. I've never craved the strength of my father's embrace before until now. I want to hear I love you Tamica, and I want the person to mean it unconditionally. I want the actions to match the actual words. Not you love me one day, and shit on me the next. That's getting old.

Whewww this is a depressing ass blog, and I'm sorry ya'll. If you had any sense you would've stopped reading a long time ago, loll. I have more to say, but I'll leave that for my prayers. If I'm not back before the first; I hope every one of you has a great new years.

peace.

I just put Step Brothers on my iPod yesterday, and it was the first time I saw it. It was super hilarious. Champ said she hated it and only laughed twice during the entire movie. The parts that she laughed at weren't even funny though. Smh @ that. She mad silly though, and obviously ass backwards if she didn't find this movie funny. She be doing shit just like these clowns, lmaoo. Will Pharell is an ass of all trades though.

Last night somebody question who was calling my house phone at 2 a.m. Man, it made me realize that I haven't been questioned like that in a long time. It was…..cute.

So I've been hanging out with people that I haven't hung out with in what seems like ages. I had narrowed down my hanging out with friends down to just one person. That's unhealthy, loll. Although, all of my acquaintances are not residing on the same planet as I, we still have fun when we get together. I'm going to re-vamp my social life in the new year. I've been in hiding for about 6 or 7 months.

Besides when I cop this Nikon D90 as my 25th birthday present to myself come February, I'm going to need to eject myself from my cozy little apartment and snapshot the happenings in life. Hell for that kidna money, I'll be taking pics 24/7!! The Paparazzi won't have shit on Nookie.

I've come to find out that I'm a little too selfish to date women with kids. I never considered myself to be an attention whore. However, for one I'm not a fan of kids and two, they need too damn much. Don't get me twisted though, I don’t despise them; and if I find worth in the woman, I'll love her and her child or children, no doubt about it. Besides the M.I.L.F's make it kinda hard to discriminate, ya dig?

I'm super excited about this movie. I'm a big Marvel Comics fan. I also love me some Wolverine!! I will have to find my wayward, and now missing big sister so we can go see this when it comes out. Hopefully she'll turn up come May 1st.

I LOVE everybody's blog that I follow. I know I keep saying this over and over, but ya'll never cease to amaze me with the shit you guys publish. Creative, intelligently opinionated, comical, fashionable and ambitious are all understatements for each and every one of ya'll. I wish that I could sit around all day and keep up with every single blog ya'll produce, but man it's impossible. I had to designate Sunday as my day to just catch up with all the blogs. Ya'll do THE MOST!

People be sleeping on BlogSpot though. I learn new shit everyday. I mean just yesterday I traveled to the far lands of Jervis and learned that Lil' Kim was now a yellow bone. I for one was shocked, because I hadn't seen her in a minute. She's following in MJ's footsteps, and it's a crying shame to say the least!

Yo, it's this Hispanic fruit lady that comes up to our job every morning around 11:00 and she sales all kinds of fruits, tacos, burritos, and freshly squeezed fruit juices. Mami, be making a KILLING!! I swear one day, she going to pull up to this bitch in a drop top Bentley. She already had an extreme make over. I didn’t know who she was. I been buying fruit everyday, lmaoo. I wonder if she is hiring.

So, I've been reading Sista Souljah's book Midnight. I swear it make a chick want to mingle with the Sudanese and become a Arabic speaking Muslim. This shit is a bit far fetched, and I really thought it would have just a little something to do with The Coldest Winter Ever. It's an alright book though.

Word to life; I miss my Queen Bea. I didn't get a chance to go see her on Sunday. Her or my daddy. I miss both of them. This Sunday, despite their so called "busy schedules", I'll be forcing them to lay in the bed like we use to do and watch movies. They need to sit down somewhere anyway! I'm sick of this! How dare my parents have lives! Loll, I kid. They can have lives, so they won't be all up in my shit!

I remember laying up with my folks trying to convince my daddy to let me go to England with them. Back then, my mom could get like half price on international flights or something like that. All I know, is that The Queen said, hell no you can't go, loll. So I had to use my charm on daddy. After dropping a grand alone on my ticket, guess who was mingling with the British folks for seven days? Eventually, I want to return the favor. Pay for all of our way to some place out of the country. One day man, one day.

Peace ya'll

When I was driving to 'The Caster' from my first job it was extremely cold outside. It was raining, and I saw a little light layer of ice falling from the sky. I really thought it would ease up by the time I got to work and got off tonight. But when I got off, I found my car in this condition.

Yo, it ain't much, but for we Texans; it was enough to get excited about!! I'm saying though, I'm trying to get a snow day tomorrow and stay my ass at home!!

I'm a Drake fan.

I'm a Wale fan.

I'm a Lupe Fiasco fan.

People are continuously sleeping on all mentioned above.

Man, what happened to Case? I miss Mr. Touch Me, Tease Me. Mr. Feel Me and Caress Me. Mr. Happily Ever After. Mr. Faded Pictures in a Broken Glass. Mr. Missing You.

I be killing those Veggie Wheat Thins Toasted Chips at work!!!

Stay Judy Dance

Johnny Bravo Dance When will it cease and decease? Love is in the air man. Not over this way, but folks seem to keep coming to me with questions on love. I never understood why people come to me of ALL people. Love is not a territory that I frequent much.

It's a lot of muthafuckas walking this earth, that has life twisted! Got me twisted! I've been a very good sport this entire year. I've been quiet and observing these flaky people, but now it's time to start taking names and crossing these suckers out!

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Here I am entering another work week. Oh joy right? Ugh, please beat it. So after going through this weekend, I decided to talk about the imitators in life. The people who keep track of your every move, and pathetically attempt to mimic your style. So I was like damn, this reminded me of an Ernest Hemingway quote that I learned about back when I was in school. I loved this dude, he was the master of dialogue. He made you remember his words. Peace to the genius.

Kenya, 1953
Ernest Hemingway on Safari.
Photograph by Earl Theisen for LOOK Magazine, in the John Fitzgerald Kennedy Library, Boston.

"The parody is the last refuge of the frustrated writer. Parodies are what you write when you are associate editor of the Harvard Lampoon. The greater the work of literature, the easier the parody. The step up from writing parodies is writing on the wall above the urinal."

- Ernest Hemingway, "quoted in A.E. Hotchner, Papa Hemingway, 1966 edition, pt. 1, ch. 4 (1966)"

The most astonishing way a person lives their life, makes it so easy for people to try to imitate them. It's funny, because they are really tying to be you, walk in your shoes, live the life you're living. However, no matter how immaculate the imitation is, the person dwelling in their own reality will always be living above and beyond, while the imitates wallow below in the pissy waters of false facades.

Children look up to their parents, big brothers, big sisters when they are still running around in diapers. They childishly mock their older mentors and try so hard to be older than what they actually are. At this stage in life, it's cute! If your grown ass is still running around mimicking people, jacking swags and attempting to be something you weren't meant to be, than you've reached the stage of pathetic.

This shit kills me. Here I am living my life in high definition reality, and here comes some lame on some three stooges shit trying to imitate me in crappy black and white. This shit is not a game, this is life; my life. I wake up every morning thanking God to be able to see the sun shine again. I'm on my grind everyday, busting life wide open and doing everything in my power not to lose myself in some hopeless dream or illusion of happiness. So, "give me back my point of view, because I can't think for you." So stop taking the easy way out, co-writing my life with your parodies, because my life ain't no joke…apparently.

Man, I dreaded going back to work today. I didn't go in until 12 though. Of course when I got there, I was instantly pissed off at the amount of CRAP piled high on my desk. I won't complain though. My day ended up being alright.

Unfortunately this is my last day off of work. I want to cry, but I'm pulling myself together. Whatever though, I'm sitting here going hard off this Pizza Hut meaty marinara. I could eat this shit for the rest of my life, but Lord knows I don't need to. But yo! Dig it, it's College Wednesday. It is here where we summarize 99% of the people you'll ever meet in college or in life. This week we introduce the Night Owl and No School Spirit.

Night Owl - Staying up long after you've gone to bed, a night owl roommate may periodically awaken you with a laughing fit after reading a Chuck Norris joke on some crappy forum or heating water in the microwave for a 3 AM cup of ramen. May be seen complaining about the lack of places open in town at 1 in the morning on Tuesday night. The night owl is also likely to skip morning classes.

This is one of the reasons why I begged my daddy to pay the extra bucks for me to have my own dorm room the 2ND semester of my freshman year. I mean my roomie was my Caucasian home girl that I use to work at Boston Market with. I remember being so excited when she told me we were going to the same University. At first we were assigned different roomies, my first one had to go. I couldn't stand her. Then "J" came along, and was like "well my roomie dropped out after one week", that was that, and we moved in with one another. I should've known, just from working with her. I use to want to pour that hot ass roasted chicken grease on her ass when we worked the same shift. Why on earth did I think we being roommates would work out? The girl NEVER SLEPT!!! She was on those white lines, so that made her talk even more!!! I mean wow. Even when I came in super late from a party or some chicks dorm room, she was up; smiling, waiting, and bright eyed. Me, "WHY ARE YOU UP?! GO TO SLEEP "J"!!!" I don't spend the night with people, but I had to start just to get some sleep! I love her to death though, but I was so happy when her boyfriend swept her little vanilla ass off her feet and moved her ass back to Houston!

No School Spirit - He/she hats the place. He/she hates the teachers, the classes, the way its run, but not enough hate to go on a shooting rampage - just the desire to get the hell out and start life. These people couldn't care less bout any of the events such as sports games, dances, or theater plays. You most likely find them in basic standard classes, and they never try at anything.

Yo, these kids didn't give a fuck. I mean, I hope that they actually found interest in something sooner or later, but in school none was shown. I wasn't all that big into school spirit and events either. They would have school spirit week and run around on the dorm room floors screaming and beating on the doors. I'd go out in the hallway and curse everybody out, and dare one of those Blondie's to bang on my door one more time. Where was "J"? Outside screaming and high, lmaoo! She NEVER went to any of the events, but the fact that people were screaming, she joined them. I cared about my grades though, but I did my work and I did my thing. Never really caring about the school itself. It was in this country ass hick town, and everybody was too damn friendly. Nobody was even bucking in the clubs? They were getting their Texas 2 step on, and grabbing their big belt buckles and cowboy hats. When I actually found people of color, discovered other things about myself personally, I went on a different type of rampage. However, that is for a different time and another blog.

Wow, I'm off work for the next two days, and I'm already running out of shit to do. I suppose I can get some much needed rest, but damn.

I got my eye on this bad boy. I want this Nikon D90 so damn bad. I'm putting it on my 'I don't celebrate X-mas' list right now!

Speaking of X-mas, that shit is right around the corner. Meaning 2008 is freakin' over! Although, I don't get involved in the holiday stuff, I do love this time of year. Everything is so peaceful for me. People are nicer, the weather is cold, but I still feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Deck the damn halls! I just want the extra time off from work.

So, I'll probably be cleaning and reading blogs all day.

OR

Or watching The Golden Girls on DVD. I can't get enough of these old broads!

Why did my power just go out? Let me publish this shit, before something else goes terribly wrong.

Peace.

T.Nicole © 2008

I love this song!! I can't wait until his CD comes out. Does anybody know the date?

I am suffering through this time spent at work today. I had a rather depressing and emotional weekend. I crawled up in my sheets escaping from my everyday world. I accepted very few calls; not wanting to be bothered by anyone. The things racing through my brain have been the same things racing on my brain for some time now. There are so many things I need to do for myself, and only myself starting now. I declare 2009 as a year for me. Spiritually, mentally and physically. I seemed to get myself together financially in 2008; which means that I reached my main goal, but I am lacking still in so many areas. I guess this weekend; the thought of it all just got the best of me. I know that the things that I'm going through right now are only being brought about by myself, because I'm not taking the proper steps to resolve my issues. I know there is a blessing waiting for me around the corner, but I keep turning left when I should be turning right.

I use this month to mentally prepare myself for my much needed changes in life. I am a creature of routine, and the thought of change alone brings me great adversity. I want to welcome prosperity in my life, but I need to do the work in order to get there. I'm not a lucky kid, things don't just fall in my lap. I'm blessed, but I have to stay on my grind at all times to get what I want. My life is not lavish and full of luxuries brought about by other people. My material enjoyments are purchased with my hard earned money. They don't call me 'Miss. I Got It' for nothing, ya dig? The prosperity seeping through my friends and family are always welcomed with open arms. I'd hate to find out where I'd be without them. However, they can only do so much for me. I have many responsibilities in life that I've put off. I've said "oh, I'll handle them tomorrow." My tomorrow literally never comes.

I'm sick of the taste of my own blood, caused by me punching myself in the mouth. I await the sweet taste of victory, but I gotta stop beating myself up. It's not a good look.

Damn, the year is basically over. It's December 1st! I enjoyed my 4 day weekend, although I had to work at 'the caster' a couple of those days. It was still great. I'm glad to see that everybody got through the Thanksgiving holiday, with little or no drama. I'm back at work this morning unfortunately, but I'm off until Friday after this; so I'm not even tripping and I'm anxious to knock this day out. It won't be easy, since my desk is stacked high to the ceiling with work. Another day in the life of an over worked and underpaid citizen though. Blah.

So I have a question to ask? Does the loud mouth intrigue you more, or the mild tempered and barely speaking? And when I say barely speaking, I mean the ones that gives the need to know information. I personally have run into a lot of loud mouths this year. People who don't know when to shut up. They feel they need to tell their entire life stories in one setting, just to impress and compare. This in turn leaves me in my quiet state. I'm labeled as shy, bashful, nervous or sometimes stuck up. Negative sir. None of the above, it's just that the person wouldn't shut the fuck up long enough for me to get a word in. I don't over talk people, and I don't cut them off. Now, I might hang up if they get on my nerves too bad, but for the most part; I listen and I observe. I let people talk themselves straight into a lie, and I stick around long enough to see how they will cover it up, and I dip.