This week is going by just the way I want it to; super fast. Monday starts my much needed vacation from both jobs and I can't wait to do…nothing. I've been reading my blogs for the past two months or so and it's no secret that I've been struggling with same issues in my life. That's people, acceptance, love and trust. I'm not even going to lie, I'm getting on my own nerves, loll. I feel a hiatus coming on and it's coming faster than Hurricane Ike. I might need this time to escape into my mental mansion and just reside in peace and quiet.

Yesterday I found myself banging my head up against a brick wall. After hearing nothing but my own echo, I realized that no one was listening to me. I started to feel the pain in my head from the banging. It was then that I understood that it was just time to shut up. I'm going to continue on this love journey, but at this time I just need to do it in silence and listen. I'm always talking and trying to go above and beyond with making sure that everything is working properly. I feel like I'm working in vain, so let me just shut up and drive.



My friend Regina use to tell me all the time that closed mouths don't get fed and I began to live by those words. Every time a problem would erupt I would break my neck to try and communicate through the issue and rectify that problem. Come up with solutions so that the problem won't occur again. I would make the necessary changes within myself to eliminate the problem as well. I do believe that problems are only made by us and our attitudes towards such problems. If we really want to work through it, that’s what exactly is needed…WORK. However, in some problems caused by two people, it takes 2 people to fix it. When only 1 person is putting the weight of the problem on their back alone and trying to do everything in their power to fix it, nothing will work. The only thing that will happen is that person growing so tired that they just give up.

I've carried so many problems on my back that weren't even my own. I take the slack for a lot of things that happen, because I know that I can handle it and I know exactly where to throw it in order to keep the peace. I can't do that anymore though. I'm tired of talking and not being heard, I'm tired of working and not being acknowledged, I'm tired of not being met half way and I'm tired of beating to everyone's drum just to keep them happy. The world is a selfish place man and I use to be soooooo part of that selfish bandwagon. Everything was always about me and it was always my way or the highway. There was never any question about it. No conversation needed, I thought what I wanted and when I wanted. I disregarded everyone's feelings with no remorse. I don't want to go back that route, but I do know that me being they way that I am today is only causing me to crash into brick walls.

I don’t know, but for right now I'm just going to remain silent and listen. Maybe somebody will start talking so that I can hear what's on the other side of that wall. I'm pretty disgusted this morning, but I do pray that my day gets better and that God will guide me through this point in my life like He has done with every other point.