Almost three months since I've published anything here. Being so caught up in everyday life and every day problems just moved my blog to the backburner. Such is life right? Man, how can I reveal all that’s been going on with me in one post? Wow. I'll give it a shot anyway. I'm sure I'll miss something, but ya'll don’t need to know ALL of my business, loll.

Well, still working both of my jobs. Being a loyal employee to both companies. I haven't burned out just yet. The momentum is still going at a steady pace. I've accepted more responsibility at both companies. More stress? Nah, I don't take my work home with me. Can't go out like that yanno?

I've been spending a lot of time with family. My grandmother passed away on March 24th, and every since then we've all been trying to hold one another up as best as we can. She passed away at 96 years old in her sleep. Still living in her own apartment, walking, cooking, laughing and enjoying the remaining moments of her life. I've been recognizing the blessings in having such a strong legacy like that in my life. I inherited some amazing traits from my grandma. Strength, endurance, faith, loving-kindness, intelligence, and independence. The woman still had good sense up until the day she died, and you couldn't get over on her if you tried. You'd feel the hook end of that cane across the back of your head. Trust me, I know, lmao. The family took everything well, and we're just appreciative in the fact that she is finally resting in peace. She held us together. She brought us together on many occasions. Now it's up to us not to drift apart, because we are all we got.

I've been doing a lot of things for me as well. Pretty much been riding completely solo these past few months, if I hadn't been in the company of family. The friends are still around, but I haven't even been kicking it with any of them either. I've been grinding and concentrating on taking a new approach on life. 2009 has been a very interesting year. Major things have happened in these first 5 months. As if I didn't know it before, but this year has taught me that life is about as short as I stand. Too many people have passed away around me. I've been to 6 funerals in the past 3 months. So I had to take a step back from all the bullshit that I gave permission to seep into my life. I had to weed out the insignificant things, and concentrate on the things and people that really matter.

I've been taking my health into consideration as well. I'm only getting older and its only going to get harder and harder to maintain in a healthy manner. So I've had to make some serious alterations in my daily habits. I'm looking to kill two birds with one stone; health wise and financial wise. Straight discipline. It isn't easy, I'll say that much.

There have been some small altercations here and there, but none worth mentioning. you know I'm always in a debate of some kind with somebody. These altercations and interactions with seasonal people are just part of the insignificant things I've thrown down the garbage shoot. I can't entertain it anymore. Most have got to feel me on that one.

Other than the above things mentioned, that's about it. I'm ready to get back into the swing of things as far as my publishing's go. The page is under construction. I want to spruce it up, and give it a new feel. This month marked my one year anniversary on blogspot, and I'm happy to say that I'm still here. As long as my life goes on, I'm ready to write on.

Yay! Happy Birthday to me! Whew, I'm a quarter of a century old today ya'll. I don't know what to do. Can I still say I'm in my early twenties? Or do I have to really throw that "mid" part in there now? It has been a wonderful week so far; that has spilled into a wonderful day. So many people surprised me this year, and it means so much, because as ya'll know I was a little down and out for a minute there. Just when I write everybody off, they step up to the plate. I appreciate each and every person that has shown me love today. I'm not mad at the fact that I hadn't been able to sleep since midnight, because of the horribly sung songs, text messages and calls. Special thanks goes out to these folks...







Ma Kisses (The Bestie) - Thanks for always being here for me. We have been through so much since last year, and it looks like things are finally back on track. I ain't mad at you for not getting my Golden Girls DVD sets "bic", loll. Only, because I know we're going to have a Grand time tonight at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I love you like none other; my sister from another mother. Thank you for being you, and accepting me for being me. Simple and plain. Love you bic; see you soon!





Regina(black) & Tabu(blue) - Thanks guys so much for the "Fried Chicken Shindig" last weekend. The first one of '09 in honor of me. I had a lot of fun. Regina, you already know we are making history in this friendship with each day that passes. I'd never thought you'd actually stick around this long friend!! It's been a wrap every since we met over 3 years ago. You get on my damn nerves, but you make my life sweeter, and I appreciate you.


Redd - Whewww!!! I don't even know what to say about you, lmao. I met you through the bestie, and have loved you ever since. I am super comfortable with the fact of knowing that you'd do anything for me, and I'll do anything for you. You're always down to ride out wherever, whenever. Your ass is getting old too though! You're up next! 21?! OMG!!!! The world will stop spinning. I been waiting for you to turn 21 for yearssssssss!!! Lol, I love you fool. Don't act an ass as dinner tonight please!

My Big Sister - You've been M.I.A lately, but I know I'll catch up with you soon. You literally are my sister from another mother, but we share the same mister and I couldn't be more delighted. We are like oil and water, but nobody knows me better. Thanks for all that you've done for me, and all the advice given over the years. See ya Sunday!



The Parents - Bottom line, I wouldn't be here without ya'll. I couldn't ask for better parents. Things haven't always been peaches and cream, but I don't regret any of it, because it all made me who I am today. Daddy, I get my common sense, charm, and strong will from you. My Queen Bea, I get my leveled head, my sarcasm, my height (lol), my determination and my loyalty from you. I love both of ya'll more than words can say.



All the above people mentioned hold a special place in my heart. I couldn't name everybody, but those of you not mentioned know who you are and where we stand. Just having these folks here by my side is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.

February 12, 2009 marks a date of rebirth for Tamica Nicole. Life up to this point has been remarkable to say the least. I've had my share of ups and downs like every other person walking this earth. My perspective on many things in life have changed since last year. Fuck turned over a new leaf, I'm about to uproot the whole damn tree and plant 10 more. I gotta go, because clearly I'm going to be late for my own shindig! Thanks to the blog fam who already showed me love!!!

Peace

Man, I dreaded going back to work today. I didn't go in until 12 though. Of course when I got there, I was instantly pissed off at the amount of CRAP piled high on my desk. I won't complain though. My day ended up being alright.

It's like 1:15 in the morning, and I still have not been to sleep from yesterday's family festivities. I had an excellent day. I kept thinking that it was Sunday, which is our normal day to come out to our parents house. Me and my sister came around noon yesterday. Although my mom doesn't do the holiday thing, she did throw down on an excellent meal. I can't seem to get enough of my Queen Bea's cornbread dressing, and broccoli rice casserole. Oh, and 'my mama biscuits' off the chain too! Besides the bomb food, we had a great day together.

Aside from Thanksgiving day, I have been reminded various times throughout the year that I have a lot to be thankful for. I know that being a human, I put a lot of stress on myself; in turn causing me to take many things for granted. When I sit around crying the lonely cry, the truth of the matter is; I'm never lonely. My friends and family are beautiful, and are here for me 365. With these fine people behind me, I'll never need for anything. Having these people here for me at the lowest points in my life, lifted me right back up to those high points. I'm going to cut this short, because even I can't find the words to express my appreciation for them.

Although this week was short, it was busy as hell. This made me anticipate yesterday even more. I made sure I was on my grind like ever before, just to get to that light at the end of the tunnel. Just like the rest of the world, I was slapped in the face with the fact that I am severely over worked and ridiculously under paid. With all the people dropping out like flies, it'd be great if they can distribute that extra cash into we barrel scrappers bank accounts. That'll never happen though. It's all good though, because my employment is just another thing that I am thankful for, no matter how raw their doing me. Speaking of f'd up situations, I have to work tonight. I am off all day from one job, but have to go to work at 5. I'm not looking forward to that, but I know it'll be laid back. It better be.

I hope everyone had a great Turkey Day and are resting peacefully in LaLa land right now. That's where I'm about to go now. My eyes suddenly feel like a ton of bricks were just placed on them. Ya'll have a great weekend.

Nookie.

Well, I hope everyone had a splendid weekend. I'm not sure about other cities, but it was rather cold out here in Houston. We Texans are not use to cold weather this soon in November. I really enjoyed my weekend. We had our first meeting with The Black Experience group. It wasn't a good turnout, but it was a great success. It ended up only being four of us, but the conversation that we had was mind blowing to say the least. I surprised myself at how much I spoke my mind, and laid out personal facts from my past. Even my best friend had to look twice at me, to see it was actually me speaking. It takes a while for me to warm up to new people, and I do NOT talk much during a first encounter. I have to feel out the scene, and dissect the people before I speak. Something felt different this time. I felt like I needed to say something. I was at liberty to say something. My pride wouldn't allow me NOT to say something.

".. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"

I wonder what the exact number is of the people who died for freedom. Died for speaking their mind. Died for the safety of their family. Died for the compensation they earned. Died for their last name. Died for the color of their skin. Do you have pride in those who have died for your freedom? I do, because as I strolled through that exhibit I realized just how far we've come, but also how far we still have to go. I couldn't even imagine living back in those times. I couldn't imagine being caged for days on end, because I tried to shield my children from pain. I couldn't imagine being shackled by the feet, neck and hands while red ants were poured at my feet to eat me alive. It was those same men and women who dies these horrible deaths that had pride in something more deep than one could imagine. It were these same men and women who said, "give me liberty, or give me death!"

Half of the peole weren't doing shit before Obama even thought about running for President. My ex told me one of her friends stated now that Obama was in office she could say anything she wanted to say. If I'm not mistaken, freedom of speech has been around for quite some time. I mean I could be wrong. You tell me. Bottom line, I am happy about the new edition to our black history, but as usual, some people are taking things way too far. I have a strong feeling that it will only get worse. However at this moment, the hope for change is in front of our faces, so now what?

I was going to write on this yesterday, but my horoscope was so on point today, that I couldn't wait. Well, tomorrow is my mother's last day at our company after 24 years. Her name is actually Beatrice, but I call her Queen Bea. I can't even put into words how proud I am of her. She's been battling this decision for quite some time now. It was just time to walk, because her stress levels were getting high and her health was going downhill. She isn't going to retire, but shes going to try and find some work closer to home. She's been driving 47 miles to work everyday, which is about an hour and fifteen minutes with traffic. I use to make that same drive for 4 years before I just gave in and finally moved to the north side. This is such a big move for my mother, and our family has been doing a lot of praying on it. Having faith in the idea that this is the best thing to do. I believe it is.

I'd been helping my mom go over her resume, and looking at ads in the paper for other job opportunities. She sent ONE resume to an animal hospital only fifteen minutes away from her house, and they called her back the next day. She had her first interview last week, and was called in for a second interview with finance on Monday. That's what I'm talking about mom! She was nervous, because she hadn't been on an interview in the past 24 years, but I told her that her genuine spirit, honesty, and obvious loyalty will take her along way. I knew they'd love her. It's just a receptionist gig, but this is all she wanted. Her hours are GREAT, and she gets to see all the animals. She LOVES animals, and I am so happy that this gig came up first. She's being so optimistic about it all, and just seems so stress free now. The change for the better has already started to take place, and the happiness is seeping through her pores.

Man this has been one hell of a weekend. The longest and worse weekend of my life. I just want to thank God that I still have my family all accounted for. Everyone, except my sister that is. However, all of the cellphones out here are pretty much messed up. "All circuits are busy." I know every one's experience through this while thing is different and on different levels of extremity. Right now I'm safely at my parents house in Richmond, Texas and am able to tell my story.

I'm thankful that my family and friends are all okay. A lot of them are still without power, but they have their homes in tact and they are in good health and all accounted for. We are blessed and thankful for it. The city is still in a great deal of turmoil, but as the days pass; it's all getting better. I do pray for all the families that were effected by Hurricane Ike. I took the storm for another flop, but the next hurricane I will not sleep and be much more prepared for.

My blogging will hopefully start back up. I missed you guys.

Ya'll check out her blogs. If you want it raw, heartfelt, humorous and downright honest; peep this little lady here. UrbaneKisses (click the link). Tell her I sent you!

In only a short three months, I'm now publishing my 100th blog! Back in May I decided to stop blogging on MySpace and Downelink, because nobody on both of those sites really felt me per se. I had heard of BlogSpot before via a couple of friends, but never really checked it out. But when I did! I was hooked. I just had to open up an account on here. I couldn't stop reading people's blogs and I found myself so intrigued at how in-depth people get in their posts. Picture blogs, music blogs, literature blogs, I was totally stoked!

At first I was kind of beat about nobody really reading my words, because I had seem some people with like 200 comments on their blogs, but I quickly got over that. I realized that someone is ALWAYS reading my blog and that this is a form of therapy for me. My own words can't even express how passionate I am about writing. It helps keep my sanity and it paints a picture of my soul through the ink that I disperse from my mind. It is here that I touch the hearts of other people, that I express my inner feelings, and pave the way for time to "work things out" for me.

I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to check me out for the past 3 months. I don’t plan on going anywhere, anytime soon. So if this is your very first visit; get comfortable. My 200th post will be here before you know it!

"The journey of the word hustler is ever going; mark my words."

I was thinking about what I would write about this week and the word honor came to. I was pushing thoughts through my mind about how one becomes honorable. I know a lot of people that do things for attention or falsely just to impress someone, but does this make that person honorable? Or can one say that they are honorable all on their own? The answer is HELL NO to both questions. Honor is, on its objective side, other people's opinion of what we are worth; on its subjective side, it is the respect we pay to this opinion.

We can't be honorable on our own, because it's determined by someone else's opinion if we should be credited for such noble acts or not, if we will be famous, when our fame ends and the amount of respect we get for all things. By and in himself a man can accomplish very little; he is like Robinson Crusoe on a desert island. It is only in society that a man's powers can be called into full activity. But we all know that in the end its up to One to determine just how honorable we truly are here on earth.


Nothing in life gives a man so much courage as the attainment or renewal of the conviction that other people regard him with favor; because it means that everyone joins to give him help and protection, which is an infinitely stronger bulwark against the ills of life than anything he can do himself.

- Arthur Schopenhauer, " Position, IV "


To stand firm to your beliefs and have another recognize such acts is proved to be honorable. Backing down from your supposedly firm beliefs will be viewed as shameful. I feel the acts that take place before being named as honorable should come naturally. They should not be scripted in your head, but free flowing. How many people do you know that do things just to get arise out of others? Just to get that 15 minutes of fame? It's like watching Nick Cannon in ANY movie or sitting in the audience of ANY one of his stand-up comedic acts; you can just tell that he is trying his HARDEST to get a laugh out of people. It's not natural; it's down right wack! Does anyone find Nick Cannon's and Mariah Carey's bogus marriage honorable? Hell no, we take it to be a joke and people forgot about it right after it was announced. We all said our "what the fucks" and moved on in life. Shame vs. Honor; a decision of the people.

I give honorable mentions to people like my family: my beautiful; independent mother, my strong willed father, my enlightening sister, and my courageous grandmother. In my opinion these people are honorable and I'm honored to have the same blood running through my veins as they do. So one must give their debut to society before being named honorable. This must done sincerely and in the most humble spirit or it will not be authentic, and you will shame yourself and the people around you.

Okay, I felt my day taking a slight turn and this only happened within 2 hours. No worries. I'm still all smiles. One of my expectations turned into a slight disappointment is all. It seems as if no one has anything significant to say to me today. I think I'm over it now though. So it's said that keeping the heart warm will bring great blessings. I can vow this to be true. When my heart is at it's warmest temperature; great things seem to happen. My days are so much brighter and the blessings come by the millisecond it seems.


Walk tall as the trees,

live strong as the mountains,

be gentle as the spring winds,

keep the warmth of the summer sun

in your heart, and the great spirit

will always be with you.

- American Indian Proverb, "unknown tribe"


I think the quote truly speaks for itself. Not really much to elaborate on when it comes to the meaning of it. Ingredients as follows; self esteem, strength, humility and kindness. Mix together in your heart and watch what miracles occur. This is the recipe for great blessings.

I can't say that everything has gone smooth for me this year thus far. In fact, a lot of fucked up things have occurred. I have taken it all in stride though. I've kept moving in life and have let none of it hold me down. People have made fun of my height for years and they still do on a day to day basis. I'm a Shorty; get over it, please. Truth be told; I do walk as tall as the trees. I stand high above so many; mentally and spiritually. So I continue to laugh at the immature remarks being spoken, because I know how tall I stand in life. I know how strong I am in life. I know that every trial and tribulation I experience will only make me stronger and wiser. I know that I can be hard at times and my skin can be very tough to break on the outside. I have a very big problem with letting people in my heart, but once you're in there; I can be the most gentle and kindest person you know. It just takes awhile to get there, loll.

All in all, I'm happy with the woman that I've grown to be. I wouldn't change me for anyone or anything. I'm confident in my thinking, actions, and all around being. People don’t like me, and I respect them for their opinions. Everyone isn't going to like who you are in life. Someone will always have a problem. I've proven to be a weirdo and one who is constantly misunderstood. I am a life long study that will more than likely never be figured out. I love that! I love the mystery behind my own eyes. I love the interest that are peaked within the first 5 minutes of conversing with me. Turns me on, haha. I turn me on! Too much information? Lmao, I'm sure. Sorry.

I want to thank my loved ones who have loved me since the beginning of time. Love is a powerful thing. When it's lost it hurts like hell, but when it comes back and is received all over again; the feeling is indescribable. This brings the warmth of the heart up a few notches and is THE GREATEST blessing of all blessings. So those who have stuck it out with me this year and who have not turned their backs on me, I appreciate you. I welcome the new comers into my life, because even though you've been here for a short period of time, you've still made an impact on my life. You all have added flavor to my great recipe for blessings. Because of you, I'm winning. The victory smells and tastes like a warm peach cobbler! Okay, Okay, I'm getting mushy. I must go now. Someone turned the heat on here at the office, so we all may die soon. So if you don't hear from me again; you know what happened. Peace.

Damn, I can't believe it is June already! We are half way through this year! 6 months away from being 2009, 6 months away from reaching my 5 year anniversary at my company, and 7 months away from being 25 yrs old. Yes, time is definitely flying this year. Even after all the crazy things that has happened thus far, I am still enjoying this year nonetheless. I am still excited about what other blessings are coming my way. This month's quote is about Solitude. This is truly right up my alley, because I am a person that is use to secluding myself from the world to gather my mental and concentrate on my spiritual. James Russell Lowell 's words are chosen for this month.

Ah, Tuesday we meet again! Although I could use just one more day's vacation, I won't bitch and moan about returning back to work. This is only because I enjoyed my weekend so much. I turned over a positive leaf and let the rays of sunshine seep into my dark world. Right before my eyes closed last night I prayed hard that this week would be much better than last week. I have tons of work to do here at the office since the month is coming to a close. So work wise it'll be hectic, but I can honestly say that I enjoy weeks like this, because my mind is constantly occupied. So I'll gladly slave over my desk, with the appreciation of even having a damn job.

Another challenge that will evolve this week is lack of funds. Money is definitley funny right now. If I could only get one more stimulus check from the government, loll; that would be superb! To top it all off, rent is due, electricity bill is due and my cell phone bill is due at the end of the week. Oh joy! I hate coming up with that rent money, but it feels damn good once it's paid and you realize that you've paid for space in your own place. Top Ramen will definitely be my gormet meal of choice this week, loll. Just another reason why I must slave at these two jobs of mine. Life isn't all peaches and cream, but living in my adulthood, I have learned to apprciate those small things. Not to mention the value of a dollar.

In light of it all, I do have some good news. I found out from my big Sister that my Niece and Nephew will be down at the beginning of July and will be staying through August until school starts back up. I miss my babies and I can't wait to see them. Even though my Nephew is finishing up Driver's Ed this summer and my Niece will be headed to the 7th grade; they are still my babies! I can't believe how much they've grown up! My Nephew's voice is deeper than Barry White, loll. My Niece, the ONLY Capricorn I will tolerate, is as sassy as ever. Too grown for her own good, loll. I hope to have as much fun this summer as we did last summer. Can't wait!

Well duty calls! Actually, it's screaming. I hope everyone can comfortably get back into the swing of things after this long weekend. Have a wonderful week and don’t work too hard!

TGIF!! I say that with the utmost sincerity and excitement! The last day of a hectic week. Hectic in so many ways, might I add. I'm sitting here re-tracing all of the thoughts, emotions and events that took place. Mentally, I was all over the place this week! My mind took a hike around the world and it took me through a lot of obstacles and emotional mazes. I didn't know just how much of a control freak I was until now. I've always had complete control over everything in my life, and when things don't go that way; oh boy. During this mental hike, I analyzed all the current issues that I didn't control that had my mind blown. Coming to grips with the fact that I can't control everything and that sometimes it is okay to lose control; i started to feel a little better. It was then that I found my peace zone and was finally able to exhale.

It's definitely time for new blessings in my life. It's impossible to receive those blessings when I have my my "junk" and other people's "junk" blocking them. I have a habit of taking the blame for other people's issues. This is definitely the case when it comes to close friends and family. To avoid confrontation and change in our relationship, I take the blame for everything and take complete control over the situation. I can't do that anymore. No matter how much I love a person, I can't be held responsible for their "junk". Tamica is guilty of alot of things, but shes not guilty of everything. Those things I am guilty of, I repent for those guilts and ask for forgiveness. I am facing the fears of change and learning to take a loss. I'm being truly grown and learning how to love people enough to let them go. In fact, I had to file alot things that occurred this week in my "let it go and let God" folder. When its all let go of and thrown upon Him, this makes room for those new blessings created for me. I declare this day to be the first day of the rest of my life. I truly am appreciative of the people in my life that has been there for me no matter what. I am not the friendliest person or the easiest person to get along with. Yet and still, those roots under my tree still keep me standing tall. They never break from underneath me. They never let something petty break our friendship apart. My best interest is in their heart, and I am so honored to have friends and family like this in my life.

I am ready to kick start this weekend. Sadly, I have to work tonight and tomorrow night, but that is alright. I have a date with my big sister tonight and we're going to spend some quality time with one another. I'm trying to get her on to this whole blogging thing. I know it'll be right up her alley. Although, not as many people read and comment on my blog as I'd like, but it's still enjoyable. I still plan on going back home this weekend to hang out with the parents. I haven't been to "church" in quite some time so Sunday is the day that I partake in a visit that is long over due.

I wish everyone a eventful and safe weekend ahead. It's a tad big gloomy here in Texas, but the sun is surely shining in my world!