Showing posts with label Weekly Quote. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weekly Quote. Show all posts
Hello blog world! Long time no write. A little over two months to be exact. I've been completely submerged in my everyday life. I've been comfortable; yet treading the steady waters of my life. I'm bitter-sweet about this year ending already. So many things have occurred this year packed into a small punch hitting me square in the face. I've been doubled over in the anxieties of the emotional rollercoaster I've been riding all year. All things; good and bad are taken in stride no doubt. Somewhere along the bumpy ride; I lost my pen and many pieces to my life's puzzle.
A new operation is in order. I'm devoting myself to picking up that pen again, and getting back to letting my ink drip; outlining the footprints of every step that I take. I'm still totting my duffle bag full of ideas, dreams, goals and unwritten thoughts of success. My brain is oozing over with agendas for the new year. This will be a life changing year for me. I've worked my ass off all year only to hold a steady head barely above water. I'm proud of myself nonetheless, because I held my own. I was making it day in and day out by myself. However, it's time for me to take off. But I can't do that without making a change. A BIG ONE! I know what I have to do, and I'm in the process of taking the proper precautions. My daily routine will not be the same, and it scares me shitless, but it's time. I'll be twenty-six years old in two months. I have goals to meet by my 30th birthday; February 12, 2014.
A new operation is in order. I'm devoting myself to picking up that pen again, and getting back to letting my ink drip; outlining the footprints of every step that I take. I'm still totting my duffle bag full of ideas, dreams, goals and unwritten thoughts of success. My brain is oozing over with agendas for the new year. This will be a life changing year for me. I've worked my ass off all year only to hold a steady head barely above water. I'm proud of myself nonetheless, because I held my own. I was making it day in and day out by myself. However, it's time for me to take off. But I can't do that without making a change. A BIG ONE! I know what I have to do, and I'm in the process of taking the proper precautions. My daily routine will not be the same, and it scares me shitless, but it's time. I'll be twenty-six years old in two months. I have goals to meet by my 30th birthday; February 12, 2014.
Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.
- John Henry Jowett
Wisdom, maturity, patience, love and thankfulness have all been taken to the next level throughout this year. Although, not everything went the way that I planned this year; I still came out on top. I've lost some very dear loved ones along this year's journey, and I miss them more than what any words can express. That alone lights the fire underneath me to push forward, and make my loved ones proud; those fallen and standing.
Oh my goodness, what an awesome weekend I had. I didn't do anything major outside of my normal quality time spent with the people that I love. My last blog was about the changes of the seasons. What I anticipated the fall might bring my way. So far, so good. Work seems to be steady at both jobs, my relationship with my family is growing tighter and tighter as the weeks pass, and my love life has finally been taken off life support and is breathing on it's own. The feeling is indescribable. All of the above mentioned has brought so many smiles to my face. People are starting to notice my new vibe, and that I'm glowing like a full moon on a hot summer night. It feels good.
"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."
- Washington Irving
The bizarre situations in my life never cease to expire, but I don't let them stress me. From car problems, apartment maintenance problems, financial problems, to extremely bad hair days (like I'll be having for the next few days); all doesn't even matter. It'll pass like everything else has in my past times.
Speaking of changes; I have been battling with myself over the company I keep or (don't keep). With the new blessings that have entered my life recently; I realize how thirsty I was for genuine friendship. One without strain on any end. One that is unconditional, and one that is understanding. The weather may get a bit frigid soon, because I now know it's time to let go of a bond that I thought would last forever. However, it's stressing me out more than it should. I've tried to rationalize from every angle and give chances for redemption, but nothing has changed. I feel that no effort is even being put into possible change. My feelings on the issue are rapidly dissolving. Once I reach the end of my cup; it's a wrap. I don't want any free re-fills. When that well runs dry; I know my phone will ring. Will I answer? That is the million dollar question. Time to hit the road. There is nothing but an open highway of opportunity in my view. Goodbye to those of my past. Hello to those of my future.
"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."
- Washington Irving
The bizarre situations in my life never cease to expire, but I don't let them stress me. From car problems, apartment maintenance problems, financial problems, to extremely bad hair days (like I'll be having for the next few days); all doesn't even matter. It'll pass like everything else has in my past times.
Speaking of changes; I have been battling with myself over the company I keep or (don't keep). With the new blessings that have entered my life recently; I realize how thirsty I was for genuine friendship. One without strain on any end. One that is unconditional, and one that is understanding. The weather may get a bit frigid soon, because I now know it's time to let go of a bond that I thought would last forever. However, it's stressing me out more than it should. I've tried to rationalize from every angle and give chances for redemption, but nothing has changed. I feel that no effort is even being put into possible change. My feelings on the issue are rapidly dissolving. Once I reach the end of my cup; it's a wrap. I don't want any free re-fills. When that well runs dry; I know my phone will ring. Will I answer? That is the million dollar question. Time to hit the road. There is nothing but an open highway of opportunity in my view. Goodbye to those of my past. Hello to those of my future.
Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. But of course, like autumn, it doesn't last.
- C.S. Lewis, "Letters of C. S. Lewis [1966] "27 October 1963""
- C.S. Lewis, "Letters of C. S. Lewis [1966] "27 October 1963""
I can't believe tomorrow is the first day of Autumn already. Time is flying by like the speed of light. It's truly bizarre. Somebody has set us in fast forward mode and there is not stopping the inevitable. This really is my favorite season for many reasons. The weather is cooling down, the leaves are beginning to fall, the colors are beginning to dim and my new outlook on current life is beginning to set.
This season is bringing on new hope, new commitments, new love, new money and new visions. I am excited to wrap up this year. I'm so ready for 2010 it's insane. This year wasn't all that great for me, but I'm still ticking nonetheless. I'm getting older, and all of my experiences throughout all of my seasons have taught me so much and have brought me so far. I sulk, I whine and I grieve like any other human, but I realize that I'm a truly blessed individual.
For those actually looking for a REAL post from me; here it is. This is where my mind is at right now. I try to keep it positive no matter what obstacles are thrown my way. I think my previous posts vouch for that last statement. Life is alright for me right now. I'm excited about the beginning of a new season; my favorite season. I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I do. For some; it's time to let those deadbeat leaves fall from your tree and clean house! Ya'll know what I mean; those seasonal people. Only here for whatever reason, but are not meant to stay. Please let em go. It's time. If you don't dig Autumn as much as I do; at least it's almost time for daylight savings and you get an extra hour of sleep!
*Looking at my last posting date* That is a damn shame. I lied to everybody, loll. I said I was gonna stick with it this time, and I have fallen off yet again! *slaps my hand. Everyone is not as consistent as that use to be though; I've noticed that. Not enough time in the day, and especially my day. I have time to sign my happy ass on Twitter though, lmao. *cough..www.twitter.com/TNookie.
Anyway, it's Monday. I'm back on the clock and tick tockin' all the way to the money! I love getting paid, but like most of America; I'd rather not work. I'm here anyway though, after a relaxing weekend at home. Few things happened over the weekend that got my little mind to wondering why we as humans do certain things. People are so different, and actually being on the same exact page, same sentence, same letter with someone is very rare.
I've been working on not being so argumentative with people. It's one thing in having my own opinion and bustin down somebody's chops about what they personally think, vs. what I personally think. I'm going through a situation right now that is super unnecessary to me, but sort of a big deal to her. I have my opinions on it and I made them known, and so did she. We still haven't made any progress though, loll. We're stuck, because I've been backed into a corner with my hands tied behind my back. I'm not able to make any moves, because she has control of the wheel. Baby is just cruising along though. Taking her sweet time, and wearing thin on my patience. Whew! It's taking a lot out of me to stay calm, cool and collective. It's helping me out in the long run; with my patience and acceptance. This is just another thing I really can't be worried about though. People come up with their own excuses and make their own decisions in life. If those decisions don't happen to go my way in the time frame that I feel they should...oh well. Life keeps on moving, and I must keep on living! And THAT I am doing to the fullest! Catch me if u can.
...cuz I'm gone...
Anyway, it's Monday. I'm back on the clock and tick tockin' all the way to the money! I love getting paid, but like most of America; I'd rather not work. I'm here anyway though, after a relaxing weekend at home. Few things happened over the weekend that got my little mind to wondering why we as humans do certain things. People are so different, and actually being on the same exact page, same sentence, same letter with someone is very rare.
An association of men who will not quarrel with one another is a thing which has never yet existed, from the greatest confederacy of nations down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson
I've been working on not being so argumentative with people. It's one thing in having my own opinion and bustin down somebody's chops about what they personally think, vs. what I personally think. I'm going through a situation right now that is super unnecessary to me, but sort of a big deal to her. I have my opinions on it and I made them known, and so did she. We still haven't made any progress though, loll. We're stuck, because I've been backed into a corner with my hands tied behind my back. I'm not able to make any moves, because she has control of the wheel. Baby is just cruising along though. Taking her sweet time, and wearing thin on my patience. Whew! It's taking a lot out of me to stay calm, cool and collective. It's helping me out in the long run; with my patience and acceptance. This is just another thing I really can't be worried about though. People come up with their own excuses and make their own decisions in life. If those decisions don't happen to go my way in the time frame that I feel they should...oh well. Life keeps on moving, and I must keep on living! And THAT I am doing to the fullest! Catch me if u can.
...cuz I'm gone...
This week's quote/advice, whatever you want to declare it as; is once again about being just who the hell you are. It's not much that really needs to be written here, because the action is simple. Or so one would think. How hard is it really who be who you are? I guess, you have to figure out who you actually are first. Being confused in persona, mentality, sexuality, and spirituality means you have no earthly idea who you are or what you stand for. Sometimes soul searching takes a life time, because with each major event that occurs in your life's perspective changes. How you handle things even in the slightest way will change. Part of who you were yesterday, may not be who you are today. That's where those question marks come in.
The white light streams down to be broken up by those human prisms into all the colors of the rainbow. Take your own color in the pattern and be just that.
- Charles R. Brown
God made us all as individuals, and even though we may be a bit confused as times we still need to get some sort of grasp on at least part of us. I personally can have a different epiphany once a week, but I will own that epiphany and try to put it into action. I gather belief in it, and I nurture it until I see the positive results come forth from it. I try not to base who I am off of what others may think of me, or what others are doing in their personal lives. So the days I may not know left from right, I'm still claiming to be me, and only me. I may be confused at that moment, but I'm proud to be just that, because it's a part of who I am at that point in time.
So no matter what you have going on in life, never lose sight of who you are or even who you want to be. Hopefully who you want to be is original and not like the mfer standing in your vicinity. The world lacks enough individuality and originality as it is. Whatever makes you different, be it, love it, own it!
Boy oh boy, what a weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed myself up until last night. Had some emotional issues going on. Read more about them on The Reason. Other than that, glad everything went well for me, and I was able to make it through all festivities safely. I spent very little money this weekend, if any at all. I think I bought my dad a coke and went to the gas station. That's about it. I've been doing my whole balling on a budget thing. Not buying any fast food, checking my bank account daily, and not blowing money on things that I know I can't afford. They say "it ain't trickin' if you got it"….well I ain't got it.
"Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price."
-Robert Orben
"Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price."
-Robert Orben
Times are rough now. Scratch that, times have been rough; shit has just gotten worse. Gas is inflating again, groceries are at an all time high, rent has gone up, phone, cable, and internet prices have sky rocketed. These are the times of the end, and I realize that I should've started preparing myself YESTERYEAR for the trials and tribulations coming our way.
I want to church on Sunday with my mom to get some spiritual food, guidance, and therapy. It helped out a lot. The brother spoke about gravity, and how mankind is falling very fast and will hit rock bottom as a whole very soon. It was just a little reminder of things I already know, but have been remaining ignorant to the fact. What good is the knowledge if I don't do anything with it? Some knowledge cause for action to bring about positive change and strong results.
The day has come where a man's life and a drop top Bienz are of equal value. The dollar holds a lot of power, and has caused a tremendous amount of corruption. Democracy? The Grim Reaper might as well have won the election. We're headed for destruction. The what once was a slow fall to hell, has picked up it's pace. Hold on people.
You spend all your life trying to do something they put people in asylums for.
- Jane Fonda
- Jane Fonda
Lord, I'm secure in what I'm trying to accomplish, but I'm not trying to go crazy in the process. Monday, and I was actually ready to start the work week. Perhaps, I'm anticipating Memorial day next week. I enjoyed my time spent with my family so much yesterday, that I can't wait to go back. Welp back to work.
Have a good day.
I can't seem to get out of this funk man. I go on through my days smiling like everything is on the up and up with me. I mean, I have everything I need to survive. I'm not starving. I have money in the bank. I'm just not satisfied right now. I realize that I've come a long way, but I just feel I need to be and should be so much further. I'm going through it, and the going through it doesn't look like it's going to come to an end anytime soon.
I've been having these weird dreams about my future. I'm yearning for things that I've never desired before. Like marriage, children, a family home. Ugh. I must be losing my mind. Even when I was little and I dreamt of my future, it was no family, no kids, no husband, no wife; just me. It was me dwelling in my happiness and success. I dreamt big, and I dreamt solo. Lately those solo dreams have deteriorated, and reproduced themselves, adding these faceless people in my future. A faceless woman, a couple faceless kids, a faceless dog and a nice home not even on the map. It's freaking me out.
"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."
- Woodrow Wilson
- Woodrow Wilson
I've never wanted things when everyone else wanted. I yearn in my own time frame. I don't cop something, because everybody else does. I don't do shit because it's the newest thing. If I don¢t do it first, I do it last. Either way, it's in my own time zone. So these recent dreams, I've been yearning young people talk about for a long time. They were the typical answers to the question; "where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?" Loll, my answer always had me on some secluded island by myself, writing my heart out. Or in some non US territory learning the language of my new neighbors. My family was always a postcard, a phone call, or a 10 to 12 hour flight away. However, where I resided; it was just me.
I'm a big dreamer, as most ambitious humans are. I have where I want to go in mind. Shit has just been changing for me lately. The climate in my heart is shifting. It's not as ice cold as it use to be. These new dreams of family life, marriage, and kids are highly insane to me, but I'm not swatting them away. I'm not saying that it's what I ultimately want, but if it happens to be on my way to my destination, I'll gladly accept it.
In the meantime, I have to get out of this funk. P.M.S ain't no joke, and like every woman; I hate it! It's a curse!! I see myself being extra sensitive for the remainder of the year. Ya'll brace yourselves!
I'm a big dreamer, as most ambitious humans are. I have where I want to go in mind. Shit has just been changing for me lately. The climate in my heart is shifting. It's not as ice cold as it use to be. These new dreams of family life, marriage, and kids are highly insane to me, but I'm not swatting them away. I'm not saying that it's what I ultimately want, but if it happens to be on my way to my destination, I'll gladly accept it.
In the meantime, I have to get out of this funk. P.M.S ain't no joke, and like every woman; I hate it! It's a curse!! I see myself being extra sensitive for the remainder of the year. Ya'll brace yourselves!
I hope everyone had a great weekend. Here I am entering another work week. Oh joy right? Ugh, please beat it. So after going through this weekend, I decided to talk about the imitators in life. The people who keep track of your every move, and pathetically attempt to mimic your style. So I was like damn, this reminded me of an Ernest Hemingway quote that I learned about back when I was in school. I loved this dude, he was the master of dialogue. He made you remember his words. Peace to the genius.
Kenya, 1953
Ernest Hemingway on Safari.
Photograph by Earl Theisen for LOOK Magazine, in the John Fitzgerald Kennedy Library, Boston.
"The parody is the last refuge of the frustrated writer. Parodies are what you write when you are associate editor of the Harvard Lampoon. The greater the work of literature, the easier the parody. The step up from writing parodies is writing on the wall above the urinal."
- Ernest Hemingway, "quoted in A.E. Hotchner, Papa Hemingway, 1966 edition, pt. 1, ch. 4 (1966)"
The most astonishing way a person lives their life, makes it so easy for people to try to imitate them. It's funny, because they are really tying to be you, walk in your shoes, live the life you're living. However, no matter how immaculate the imitation is, the person dwelling in their own reality will always be living above and beyond, while the imitates wallow below in the pissy waters of false facades.
Children look up to their parents, big brothers, big sisters when they are still running around in diapers. They childishly mock their older mentors and try so hard to be older than what they actually are. At this stage in life, it's cute! If your grown ass is still running around mimicking people, jacking swags and attempting to be something you weren't meant to be, than you've reached the stage of pathetic.
This shit kills me. Here I am living my life in high definition reality, and here comes some lame on some three stooges shit trying to imitate me in crappy black and white. This shit is not a game, this is life; my life. I wake up every morning thanking God to be able to see the sun shine again. I'm on my grind everyday, busting life wide open and doing everything in my power not to lose myself in some hopeless dream or illusion of happiness. So, "give me back my point of view, because I can't think for you." So stop taking the easy way out, co-writing my life with your parodies, because my life ain't no joke…apparently.
I am suffering through this time spent at work today. I had a rather depressing and emotional weekend. I crawled up in my sheets escaping from my everyday world. I accepted very few calls; not wanting to be bothered by anyone. The things racing through my brain have been the same things racing on my brain for some time now. There are so many things I need to do for myself, and only myself starting now. I declare 2009 as a year for me. Spiritually, mentally and physically. I seemed to get myself together financially in 2008; which means that I reached my main goal, but I am lacking still in so many areas. I guess this weekend; the thought of it all just got the best of me. I know that the things that I'm going through right now are only being brought about by myself, because I'm not taking the proper steps to resolve my issues. I know there is a blessing waiting for me around the corner, but I keep turning left when I should be turning right.If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
- Anne Dudley Bradstreet
- Anne Dudley Bradstreet
I use this month to mentally prepare myself for my much needed changes in life. I am a creature of routine, and the thought of change alone brings me great adversity. I want to welcome prosperity in my life, but I need to do the work in order to get there. I'm not a lucky kid, things don't just fall in my lap. I'm blessed, but I have to stay on my grind at all times to get what I want. My life is not lavish and full of luxuries brought about by other people. My material enjoyments are purchased with my hard earned money. They don't call me 'Miss. I Got It' for nothing, ya dig? The prosperity seeping through my friends and family are always welcomed with open arms. I'd hate to find out where I'd be without them. However, they can only do so much for me. I have many responsibilities in life that I've put off. I've said "oh, I'll handle them tomorrow." My tomorrow literally never comes.
I'm sick of the taste of my own blood, caused by me punching myself in the mouth. I await the sweet taste of victory, but I gotta stop beating myself up. It's not a good look.
T.Nicole © 2008
Well, I hope everyone had a splendid weekend. I'm not sure about other cities, but it was rather cold out here in Houston. We Texans are not use to cold weather this soon in November. I really enjoyed my weekend. We had our first meeting with The Black Experience group. It wasn't a good turnout, but it was a great success. It ended up only being four of us, but the conversation that we had was mind blowing to say the least. I surprised myself at how much I spoke my mind, and laid out personal facts from my past. Even my best friend had to look twice at me, to see it was actually me speaking. It takes a while for me to warm up to new people, and I do NOT talk much during a first encounter. I have to feel out the scene, and dissect the people before I speak. Something felt different this time. I felt like I needed to say something. I was at liberty to say something. My pride wouldn't allow me NOT to say something.
"It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace --but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have?
Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"
- Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775
Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"
- Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775
I mentioned Friday that the meeting was held at The Shrine of Black Madonna, and in one of the big meeting rooms there was an African Holocaust Exhibit. We didn't even know that it was there, we just happened to be roaming around, and we heard this music playing. It was soft, sad and sultry. It sort of pulled us into that direction.
**horrible photos, I know. Taken from my Sidekick ;[**
One of the things we spoke about in the meeting was black people and our pride. I mentioned that I feel that black people have pride in the wrong things. We have pride in our rides, our big homes, our flashy jewelry, and all things adding up to great material value, but we seem to have no pride in our history. Part of the reason why we opted to have this meeting and call it The Black Experience, was to get more in touch with our past. Our individual pasts. How did we get to where we are today? Do we truly understand where we came from? Perhaps if we confirmed and understood our past we could develop some real pride to hold on to.
".. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"
I wonder what the exact number is of the people who died for freedom. Died for speaking their mind. Died for the safety of their family. Died for the compensation they earned. Died for their last name. Died for the color of their skin. Do you have pride in those who have died for your freedom? I do, because as I strolled through that exhibit I realized just how far we've come, but also how far we still have to go. I couldn't even imagine living back in those times. I couldn't imagine being caged for days on end, because I tried to shield my children from pain. I couldn't imagine being shackled by the feet, neck and hands while red ants were poured at my feet to eat me alive. It was those same men and women who dies these horrible deaths that had pride in something more deep than one could imagine. It were these same men and women who said, "give me liberty, or give me death!"
What do you consider to be "the American dream"? If I am not mistaken, I had to write a paper on this topic in one of my English classes. The most logical response to that question would be freedom. Americans live to be free and liberated in mind, body and soul. However, I wouldn't just narrow this down to Americans. I would think that all of mankind has the dream to be free. Who wants to be shackled mentally, physically and spiritually? I mean really? Of course there are some countries that are shackling their people in all three categories, but I'm sure that deep down these people do have a dream of being free.
"There are those who will say that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American Dream."
- Archibald MacLeish
If Mr. Archibald is indeed an American; how selfish are we to think we are the only ones with such a dream? Freedom is a beautiful dream. Martin Luther King Jr. was one of the first Americans to make his dream of freedom public. Why did the people feel Mr. King so much? Because, they lived with the same exact dream inside of them. The liberation of humanity sounds so peaceful and serene doesn't it? We are free to some extent, but there is still a tight grip on all of us. Whether it be the government, the media, society, or your own chains of psychological slavery. We are all still trapped in some way shape or form.
Tomorrow is election day, and we have both candidates promising this and promising that. Can they deliver such freedom, peace and all about change? They can try until they are blue in the face, but this world is in control of one Man, and that's God. No imperfect human will be able to bring about the major change that God has promised His children. This is why my one and only vote is devoted to God, His Son, and the Heavenly Governing body coming forth with God's original plan. Until this happens, Americans, excuse me, the entire world can keep on dreaming. Hold on to the power of hope, because it is hope that keeps us going everyday right? Right.
Ever feel as if life is passing you by much too quickly? You get so caught up into your day to day obligations that you don't stop and take in the little things that bring you joy. This is not good, and it is something that I had to stop myself from doing. Sometimes my days run into each other, and I'm not sure if I'm coming or going. I have to make myself stop and smell those flowers. Remember the beautiful things that keep me going in my everyday life. Even if that means just stopping multiple times in my day to pray and thank God for where I am today. Thank Him for what he has provided me with. Thank Him for my health, and bless me with the strength to keep on pushing.
The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they're gone.
- George Eliot
As humans we do take a lot of things for granted in our lives. We are privileged beyond means, and we grow spoiled in our lifestyles. We forget where and who is making all things possible for us. We don¢t realize the importance of such small things until they are taken away from us. "You don't miss your water until your well runs dry" right? Yeah, this is pretty much the truth. Anybody who reads my blogs, I encourage them to just stop and smell the flowers. Take in how blue the sky is, how beautiful that melody is coming through your speakers on the way home from work, the sparkle in your lover's eyes when you're in their presence, how much love is seeping through your child's pores for you, how your hard work has paid off, and thank God for all of these things that you see everyday of your life that you may forget to acknowledge.
This reminds me of the song Gladys Knight remade in Tyler Perry's latest movie, Don't Forget To Dance. We are all busy. Lord knows I am and my days are extremely long, but I cannot and will not let my work overpower my everyday life. Can't forget to dance and live life to the fullest. So stop and smell those flowers. Some people don't get to smell the flowers until they are put on their grave. Don't let that be you.
Well the Labor Day weekend is over and I'm back on my grind. I woke up with a clouded mind and a heavy heart this morning. I'm just waiting for the usual chain of events to pop off from this emotional state I'm in. I was driving to work this morning wondering what I can do to ease my mind and nurture my heart. After praying and crying all night; it's rather hard to bounce back from that. I know one thing, Keyshia Cole and Mary J. Blige will do it every time. Listening to these women will have you feeling like you're on top of the world. They will have you thinking about all of the things you deserve and the proper way you should be treated. I needed the uplift this morning and it made me feel a little better.Over the weekend I had some time to do a little thinking. I realize how alone I truly am in my world. I have a couple people who are very close to me, but they will never be able to get so close that they understand totally who I am. For them to do that, they would have to be me. You ever been so frustrated with someone for not getting the point you're trying to make? You get angry and you may even start to yell, thinking that maybe they just don't hear you. However, when it's all said and done; you're still alone in your own understandings. That person really isn't to be held at fault for not understanding you, because your point is painted in your own perception of life. All humans can really ask for is respect. Understanding is rarely ever found. Now respect is something that we all deserve, especially if we're naturally giving it.
While I was tossing and turning last night, I came to the realization that I've placed myself in another emotional predicament that only I can be held responsible for. I listed all of my pros and cons in loving someone with all of me. Everything is all good, until you're left alone with your thoughts and your feelings scrambled on a dish in front of you. You're the only one dining at this table. The person that you're loving has now gone deeper into their own world and are handling their own feelings the best way that they know how.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
I know that things are only what you make of them. The only issues that evolve in any situation is nursed by you and only you. Only you can make it better or you can make it worse. I find myself guilty in holding someone responsible for my feelings. Just because love is involved really doesn't mean anything. Love is what it is and it is handled differently by every individual on this earth. I love a certain way and that way is hard. When I'm in it, I'm in it! I turn myself inside out and make sure that I give my all. My expectations are at an all time high for that of my mate. That is my mistake. Even in love, you cannot expect anything from anyone.
Being left alone with darkness of my room, the tears splashing on my pillows and the warm embrace of God, who is my best friend; reminded me of how much I honestly do love myself. This is a state that is rare for me and a state that I vowed to never be in again. I've lost myself in someone and I've gone against who I am. I feel that we all can be with someone in love without losing yourself. If you do happen to lose yourself, then you're only setting yourself up for a harder fall in the end. This is a reality check for me and something that I needed to be reminded of real quick, before I lost my damn mind.
Aquarius - September 3, 2008
It may seem as if you are on the edge of a cliff with your legs dangling over the side, dear Aquarius. Your hands are frantically searching for handholds as your feet struggle to support you on the tiny ledge below. You may be swearing to yourself that when you get out of this predicament, you will never come this way again. The fact is that this is all part of the cycle. These challenges are necessary in order to make yourself stronger and more appreciative of the easy stretches in the road.
In love I ask for respect and to be met half way in all that is done. I ask for proper communication, trust and honesty. Things that sound so simple but are so hard to maintain and obtain. I'm not trying to fall over this cliff again. It hurts and it leaves me with too many bruises that I have to heal. "The best way to escape from your problem is to solve it." - Robert Anthony. Simple and sweet. I appreciate the changes that I've made and the woman that I've become. I appreciate all of the heartaches I've gone through in my past and how good it felt once my wounds were healed. I've learned from my mistakes and I'm only hanging over this cliff, because I'm on the verge of making the same mistake twice times three. Can't do it. Won't do it.
I refuse to fall out of love, but I will if love will not have me anymore and cannot respect and accept my changes. I have to stay true to myself and never lose everything that I've built in someone else. That's too much to be thrown on them as a person and it's not fair. It will end up with both of us hurt in the end. Logically speaking, I have to do what I have to do and get back on that easy stretch. End detour.
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I took a vacation day yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't go to that wack ass family reunion, because I knew people wouldn't do right or know how to act. I got the "t" from my mama early this morning about what all went down. Needless to say, she's not going back to another reunion again, loll. Ahhhh, gotta love family right. Right.
So anyway, I had lunch with a good friend yesterday and I realized how much I miss just sitting down and talking with my buddy one on one. Every time we see one another; we're either surrounded by a bunch of our friends or in a club setting. We rarely ever take time to ourselves and just hang out. She caught me up on a lot of stuff that is going on in her life, as well as I. We spoke about the greatest qualities that people we know have. We also talked about the qualities that we are trying to uphold and live by. So today's quote is about none other than virtues.
Our most life altering changes are never done overnight. They do take time and hardwork. Sometimes it even takes a little pain. In my eyes, the more pain we go through, the better the outcome in the future. They say practice makes perfect, or something damn close to it. I think we all have visions of becoming a better person or strengthening attributes in our personal character, but do we really follow through with everything that we say? I know I don't. I'm quick to say, hey well "if this or that person can't handle the way that I am, screw em!" Okay, soooo I STILL FEEL THAT WAY, lol. However, I do know that there are things that can be done to better myself. Things that can be done to eliminate some of the personality clashes that I have with people.
Regina and I also talked about lowering our standards just so certain people can breathe in our world. I don't agree with this. I don't think that anyone should lower their standards for anyone else. Reason being that nobody is going to do the same for you. Trust me. Some of us break our necks to change ourselves for other people that really won't appreciate it anyway. Fact of the matter is that they'll never be satisfied regardless of what we do. They won't see the changes until it is too late. Then again, I guess it does make us a better person for the next person right? Right.
Lately I've been writing down my more personal feelings and indepth feelings on the current love in my life in my other blog. It'tough for me dealing with this love thing man. The person in my life has proven to be one of the biggest obstacles I've faced in a long time. She's teaching the meaning of a true virture that takes practice and training. Lord help me! lol.
So anyway, I had lunch with a good friend yesterday and I realized how much I miss just sitting down and talking with my buddy one on one. Every time we see one another; we're either surrounded by a bunch of our friends or in a club setting. We rarely ever take time to ourselves and just hang out. She caught me up on a lot of stuff that is going on in her life, as well as I. We spoke about the greatest qualities that people we know have. We also talked about the qualities that we are trying to uphold and live by. So today's quote is about none other than virtues.
"Virtue depends partly upon training and partly upon practice; you must learn first, and then strengthen your learning by action. If this be true, not only do the doctrines of wisdom help us but the precepts also, which check and banish our emotions by a sort of official decree."
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (Seneca the Younger), "Letters to Lucilius - On the value of advice (Epistle XCIV)"
Our most life altering changes are never done overnight. They do take time and hardwork. Sometimes it even takes a little pain. In my eyes, the more pain we go through, the better the outcome in the future. They say practice makes perfect, or something damn close to it. I think we all have visions of becoming a better person or strengthening attributes in our personal character, but do we really follow through with everything that we say? I know I don't. I'm quick to say, hey well "if this or that person can't handle the way that I am, screw em!" Okay, soooo I STILL FEEL THAT WAY, lol. However, I do know that there are things that can be done to better myself. Things that can be done to eliminate some of the personality clashes that I have with people.
Regina and I also talked about lowering our standards just so certain people can breathe in our world. I don't agree with this. I don't think that anyone should lower their standards for anyone else. Reason being that nobody is going to do the same for you. Trust me. Some of us break our necks to change ourselves for other people that really won't appreciate it anyway. Fact of the matter is that they'll never be satisfied regardless of what we do. They won't see the changes until it is too late. Then again, I guess it does make us a better person for the next person right? Right.
Lately I've been writing down my more personal feelings and indepth feelings on the current love in my life in my other blog. It'tough for me dealing with this love thing man. The person in my life has proven to be one of the biggest obstacles I've faced in a long time. She's teaching the meaning of a true virture that takes practice and training. Lord help me! lol.
My emotions are in an uproar this afternoon. I still can't phantom the lost of Bernie Mac and now Isaac Hayes. These were two great and extremely talented men that has contributed to the entertainment and joy of many. I guess the loss of all people that have brought joy to my life in some way caused me to drop a few tears this afternoon. I know that death is a part of life, but the suffering behind it all is indescribable. It's something that I try not to think about, because it only makes me angry that I cannot control it. I won't be able to control my emotions once it happens and I cannot prevent it from happening at all. It’s the biggest bullet that people have to bite. Man oh man; what an afternoon. I started off writing about 3 blogs this morning and became stuck in one spot on all of them. When my emotions are torn like this, I get all discombobulated and can't seem to focus my own thoughts and can't seem to form them in sentence structure. So I kept thinking about what can be pulled out of all of my emotions today, and wisdom came to mind. Gaining wisdom through life's experience. Ansel Adams is who I chose to quote today.
"In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration." - Ansel Adams
With every situation that we go through in life, something positive should be pulled out of it. A lesson should be learned and wisdom should be gained. Every problem that we face should be explored from all perspectives, and just letting the problem over power you should never be an option. Using problems as an excuse for negative connotations in your life should never be an option either.
Someone whose opinion I value; told me that I acted as if I had everything together and basically that nothing could phase me. We came to the common ground that everyone is different and everyone handles things in life differently. I however, choose not to let people or things pose as a critical problem for me. If in fact they do become a life altering problem, then best believe I will be leaning towards the positive side of it all. It's enough shit in the world that are causing all of our lives to be shortened, and I don't need my own self battles to be one of them. So I gather up the wisdom that I've learned through my past experiences, the experiences of loved ones and I push through it. Sometimes I may even have to crawl through it, but I get to the other side no matter what. Never stop moving.
So to everyone who feels my nonchalant attitude is a problem or who feel as if I think I'm better than them, that's not true. I choose to handle things differently in my life and that's the bottom line. I can't ride the emotional rollercoasters that I use to ride, my wisdom and ever growing common sense won't allow me to do such. The people in my life that choose to ride such coasters can do so without me sitting there next to them. I will be here when they get off, because I accept the fact that people grow at different points in life. My friend helped me to realize that just because I may see things at a certain perspective in life at this time, does not mean that everyone else will. Some people may have to go through the same problems more than once before they learn the true lesson in such problems. The wisdom isn't always gained the first go round.
However, I can't live any differently that what I'm living today, because of the simple fact that this is me. This is what Tamica Nicole consists of today. I'm proud of my accomplishments and appreciative of all the things that I've gone through in my past and the wisdom gained from such situations. I can only hope that everyone gets to a stage in their life where they've accepted their past and do not become idle in their problems and use them as an excuse to act out. So if there is anything that I took from my conversation with that special woman yesterday; it was not to pass so much judgement on people because they have not reached a certain stage in life; no matter what their age is. In the same breath, I hope that judgement is not passed upon me, because I'm accepting of my life's issues, confident in myself and refuse to let such temporary issues and people control my emotions. Everyone was created with their own special design and timeline. I respect and appreciate this fact. So to you ma'am, thanks for checking me and laying that wisdom down on me. It has been stored for future reference.
"In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration." - Ansel Adams
With every situation that we go through in life, something positive should be pulled out of it. A lesson should be learned and wisdom should be gained. Every problem that we face should be explored from all perspectives, and just letting the problem over power you should never be an option. Using problems as an excuse for negative connotations in your life should never be an option either.
Someone whose opinion I value; told me that I acted as if I had everything together and basically that nothing could phase me. We came to the common ground that everyone is different and everyone handles things in life differently. I however, choose not to let people or things pose as a critical problem for me. If in fact they do become a life altering problem, then best believe I will be leaning towards the positive side of it all. It's enough shit in the world that are causing all of our lives to be shortened, and I don't need my own self battles to be one of them. So I gather up the wisdom that I've learned through my past experiences, the experiences of loved ones and I push through it. Sometimes I may even have to crawl through it, but I get to the other side no matter what. Never stop moving.
So to everyone who feels my nonchalant attitude is a problem or who feel as if I think I'm better than them, that's not true. I choose to handle things differently in my life and that's the bottom line. I can't ride the emotional rollercoasters that I use to ride, my wisdom and ever growing common sense won't allow me to do such. The people in my life that choose to ride such coasters can do so without me sitting there next to them. I will be here when they get off, because I accept the fact that people grow at different points in life. My friend helped me to realize that just because I may see things at a certain perspective in life at this time, does not mean that everyone else will. Some people may have to go through the same problems more than once before they learn the true lesson in such problems. The wisdom isn't always gained the first go round.
However, I can't live any differently that what I'm living today, because of the simple fact that this is me. This is what Tamica Nicole consists of today. I'm proud of my accomplishments and appreciative of all the things that I've gone through in my past and the wisdom gained from such situations. I can only hope that everyone gets to a stage in their life where they've accepted their past and do not become idle in their problems and use them as an excuse to act out. So if there is anything that I took from my conversation with that special woman yesterday; it was not to pass so much judgement on people because they have not reached a certain stage in life; no matter what their age is. In the same breath, I hope that judgement is not passed upon me, because I'm accepting of my life's issues, confident in myself and refuse to let such temporary issues and people control my emotions. Everyone was created with their own special design and timeline. I respect and appreciate this fact. So to you ma'am, thanks for checking me and laying that wisdom down on me. It has been stored for future reference.
As crappy as I feel right now, I still wanted to share this weeks quote with everyone. It deals with some things we all go through, which is loss, pain and sorrow. Things that are no doubt brought on by the tribulations of life, but all is up to us in how we handle such tribulations. This determines how much pain and suffering we will actually go through.
Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void.
- Pam Brown
It's in our human structure to fold under pressure and to retreat when danger is near. Oh and when we're hit, the melo-dramatic scenes begin to play out. Humans can take the smallest things and blow them up bigger than the World Trade Center. Most battles are fought within ourselves and we become our own worse enemies. What do we do? Blame everyone else around us. We blame that lover that left us, we blame God for taking someone away from us that we loved, we blame our childhood, we blame all of life's unfortunate circumstances, but never really take a deep look within and check ourselves. How do you hold someone else responsible for how you take YOUR LIFE'S SITUATIONS? If you have somebody controlling you like that, then I feel sorry for you! Life sucks when you're playing the roll of a joystick.
I've personally had some rough times with getting over situations in my life and realizing that some things are brought on by my own doing. Either, I did something, I didn't do enough, or I didn't do anything at all. The game of life is very tricky, but can be mastered when played the right way. We'll get knocked down, drug back and stepped on. However, we can also be advanced forward, helped back up on our feet and looked highly upon. So, I gladly invite life's problems on, because I know that once I've gotten through one problem, there is a greater blessing in store for me soon thereafter. Those same scrapes, bruises and tears are the things that replenish us. We just have to know how to take them. So lube it up, because life will fuck us raw! What can you do? Cry a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it!
Ya'll know the tough love was bound to come out, loll. Being pacified is a big problem for me. We are not babies any longer, so we should be able to handle this shit thrown at us. That's why I make sure that I give it to my friends and loved ones straight and nasty. That's how life is giving it to you right? All the time spent sulking is wasted, because moves can be made. Multi-task! Don’t get me wrong, you can cry. We all cry; baby cry until you can't cry any more, but be walking at the same time. Tell life and the crazy people in it, "yeah I know you see the tears, but check my footwork; I'm still on the move!" While the ones trying to pull you down are laughing, they don't even see you pass on by them. Now whose laughing?
Alright, I'm tired as hell and am about to fall off my soap box ,rather than carefully stepping off of it. I know my words are read on a daily basis, and I hope that I've reached somebody out there. Whatever you're going through, it'll be alright. Never let yourself or life's issues drown you. Keep building bridges high and low; remember that sometimes we do have to take a small detour to maneuver around a problem, but we will always end back up on the right path. I'm out. Peace.
Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void.
- Pam Brown
It's in our human structure to fold under pressure and to retreat when danger is near. Oh and when we're hit, the melo-dramatic scenes begin to play out. Humans can take the smallest things and blow them up bigger than the World Trade Center. Most battles are fought within ourselves and we become our own worse enemies. What do we do? Blame everyone else around us. We blame that lover that left us, we blame God for taking someone away from us that we loved, we blame our childhood, we blame all of life's unfortunate circumstances, but never really take a deep look within and check ourselves. How do you hold someone else responsible for how you take YOUR LIFE'S SITUATIONS? If you have somebody controlling you like that, then I feel sorry for you! Life sucks when you're playing the roll of a joystick.
I've personally had some rough times with getting over situations in my life and realizing that some things are brought on by my own doing. Either, I did something, I didn't do enough, or I didn't do anything at all. The game of life is very tricky, but can be mastered when played the right way. We'll get knocked down, drug back and stepped on. However, we can also be advanced forward, helped back up on our feet and looked highly upon. So, I gladly invite life's problems on, because I know that once I've gotten through one problem, there is a greater blessing in store for me soon thereafter. Those same scrapes, bruises and tears are the things that replenish us. We just have to know how to take them. So lube it up, because life will fuck us raw! What can you do? Cry a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it!
Ya'll know the tough love was bound to come out, loll. Being pacified is a big problem for me. We are not babies any longer, so we should be able to handle this shit thrown at us. That's why I make sure that I give it to my friends and loved ones straight and nasty. That's how life is giving it to you right? All the time spent sulking is wasted, because moves can be made. Multi-task! Don’t get me wrong, you can cry. We all cry; baby cry until you can't cry any more, but be walking at the same time. Tell life and the crazy people in it, "yeah I know you see the tears, but check my footwork; I'm still on the move!" While the ones trying to pull you down are laughing, they don't even see you pass on by them. Now whose laughing?
Alright, I'm tired as hell and am about to fall off my soap box ,rather than carefully stepping off of it. I know my words are read on a daily basis, and I hope that I've reached somebody out there. Whatever you're going through, it'll be alright. Never let yourself or life's issues drown you. Keep building bridges high and low; remember that sometimes we do have to take a small detour to maneuver around a problem, but we will always end back up on the right path. I'm out. Peace.
I was thinking about what I would write about this week and the word honor came to. I was pushing thoughts through my mind about how one becomes honorable. I know a lot of people that do things for attention or falsely just to impress someone, but does this make that person honorable? Or can one say that they are honorable all on their own? The answer is HELL NO to both questions. Honor is, on its objective side, other people's opinion of what we are worth; on its subjective side, it is the respect we pay to this opinion.
We can't be honorable on our own, because it's determined by someone else's opinion if we should be credited for such noble acts or not, if we will be famous, when our fame ends and the amount of respect we get for all things. By and in himself a man can accomplish very little; he is like Robinson Crusoe on a desert island. It is only in society that a man's powers can be called into full activity. But we all know that in the end its up to One to determine just how honorable we truly are here on earth.
Nothing in life gives a man so much courage as the attainment or renewal of the conviction that other people regard him with favor; because it means that everyone joins to give him help and protection, which is an infinitely stronger bulwark against the ills of life than anything he can do himself.
- Arthur Schopenhauer, " Position, IV "
To stand firm to your beliefs and have another recognize such acts is proved to be honorable. Backing down from your supposedly firm beliefs will be viewed as shameful. I feel the acts that take place before being named as honorable should come naturally. They should not be scripted in your head, but free flowing. How many people do you know that do things just to get arise out of others? Just to get that 15 minutes of fame? It's like watching Nick Cannon in ANY movie or sitting in the audience of ANY one of his stand-up comedic acts; you can just tell that he is trying his HARDEST to get a laugh out of people. It's not natural; it's down right wack! Does anyone find Nick Cannon's and Mariah Carey's bogus marriage honorable? Hell no, we take it to be a joke and people forgot about it right after it was announced. We all said our "what the fucks" and moved on in life. Shame vs. Honor; a decision of the people.
I give honorable mentions to people like my family: my beautiful; independent mother, my strong willed father, my enlightening sister, and my courageous grandmother. In my opinion these people are honorable and I'm honored to have the same blood running through my veins as they do. So one must give their debut to society before being named honorable. This must done sincerely and in the most humble spirit or it will not be authentic, and you will shame yourself and the people around you.
We can't be honorable on our own, because it's determined by someone else's opinion if we should be credited for such noble acts or not, if we will be famous, when our fame ends and the amount of respect we get for all things. By and in himself a man can accomplish very little; he is like Robinson Crusoe on a desert island. It is only in society that a man's powers can be called into full activity. But we all know that in the end its up to One to determine just how honorable we truly are here on earth.
Nothing in life gives a man so much courage as the attainment or renewal of the conviction that other people regard him with favor; because it means that everyone joins to give him help and protection, which is an infinitely stronger bulwark against the ills of life than anything he can do himself.
- Arthur Schopenhauer, " Position, IV "
To stand firm to your beliefs and have another recognize such acts is proved to be honorable. Backing down from your supposedly firm beliefs will be viewed as shameful. I feel the acts that take place before being named as honorable should come naturally. They should not be scripted in your head, but free flowing. How many people do you know that do things just to get arise out of others? Just to get that 15 minutes of fame? It's like watching Nick Cannon in ANY movie or sitting in the audience of ANY one of his stand-up comedic acts; you can just tell that he is trying his HARDEST to get a laugh out of people. It's not natural; it's down right wack! Does anyone find Nick Cannon's and Mariah Carey's bogus marriage honorable? Hell no, we take it to be a joke and people forgot about it right after it was announced. We all said our "what the fucks" and moved on in life. Shame vs. Honor; a decision of the people.
I give honorable mentions to people like my family: my beautiful; independent mother, my strong willed father, my enlightening sister, and my courageous grandmother. In my opinion these people are honorable and I'm honored to have the same blood running through my veins as they do. So one must give their debut to society before being named honorable. This must done sincerely and in the most humble spirit or it will not be authentic, and you will shame yourself and the people around you.
Friday, Friday, Friday!! It's sort of been a long week for me. I felt like Friday would never arrive, but here we meet again and I'm grateful. No traumatic incidents happened this week, as far as work is concerned. I did learn a lot this week though. I never blogged on the quote of the week, but I'm going to share it now. Mentally, it has guided me through the week.
"If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience."
- Edward Rickenbacker
Think positive thoughts and positive outcomes will follow; point blank. Think negative thoughts and disaster will follow; plain and simple. Walking in my shoes isn't always the easiest task and I know most people can say that about themselves, but it all plays out in how we handle every situation and how we take things. I've mastered the task of flipping the script and finding that speck of light in all f'd up situations.
This week I've been called out of my name, critically judged by people who do not know me, ignorantly summed up by people who are getting to know me, ignored, blown off, inconsiderately forced into one-sided conversations, slapped in the face with the double standard stick and thrown into a steaming vat of assumptions; making an ass of me and those assuming people. I could have grown bitter over all of these things just listed, but why would I do that? Why would I give people and situations the power to control me? That only makes matters worse. The script was flipped, everything was taken in stride and I rolled with all left hooks swung at me. I'm still on top and I'm still a mystery to those attempting to sum me up. You can't predict the unpredictable. And I can't control the inevitable; in which I have truly learned this week.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
An odd juxtaposition between knowing what you want and doing what others expect can tilt your day into the twilight zone. You might not fully understand what's going on if you try to intellectualize every interaction, yet letting go of your need to know what's right should loosen things up significantly. Forget about logical analysis; just follow your instincts and they will lead you in the right direction.
Hm, good pointers. I think I'll actually take heed to these words. I do tend to over analyze every situation and intellectualize every interaction. This hasn't always been positive for me. In fact, it usually leaves me the only one caring about the situation at hand. Loll, I'm sick of caring to be honest. I'm sick of being held accountable for the mistakes that others have made in the past. I'm not those people. I genuinely care, but for those who want to keep making me out to be the bad guy; I'll be that and stop caring. Insecurity is a muthafucka man. It effects everyone around you and everyone you interact with. So let me flip that script and stop trying to prove myself to these people and working so hard to hop over the Great Wall of China built up around whom folks truly are. It's obviously not the time for the gates to open. I'm not Tom Cruise and this isn't Mission Impossible. Sum that up.
Okay, so I might've gone left field with that last paragraph, but I caught a word! Forgive me. So for this day I pray that I listen to my instincts and let them guide me in the right direction. Along with the help of wisdom, faith, strength, understanding and peace. With that said, I wish all a wonderful weekend ahead. It'll be a weekend of cleaning, relaxing and shopping for me. Can't wait; peace ya'll.
"If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience."
- Edward Rickenbacker
Think positive thoughts and positive outcomes will follow; point blank. Think negative thoughts and disaster will follow; plain and simple. Walking in my shoes isn't always the easiest task and I know most people can say that about themselves, but it all plays out in how we handle every situation and how we take things. I've mastered the task of flipping the script and finding that speck of light in all f'd up situations.
This week I've been called out of my name, critically judged by people who do not know me, ignorantly summed up by people who are getting to know me, ignored, blown off, inconsiderately forced into one-sided conversations, slapped in the face with the double standard stick and thrown into a steaming vat of assumptions; making an ass of me and those assuming people. I could have grown bitter over all of these things just listed, but why would I do that? Why would I give people and situations the power to control me? That only makes matters worse. The script was flipped, everything was taken in stride and I rolled with all left hooks swung at me. I'm still on top and I'm still a mystery to those attempting to sum me up. You can't predict the unpredictable. And I can't control the inevitable; in which I have truly learned this week.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
An odd juxtaposition between knowing what you want and doing what others expect can tilt your day into the twilight zone. You might not fully understand what's going on if you try to intellectualize every interaction, yet letting go of your need to know what's right should loosen things up significantly. Forget about logical analysis; just follow your instincts and they will lead you in the right direction.
Hm, good pointers. I think I'll actually take heed to these words. I do tend to over analyze every situation and intellectualize every interaction. This hasn't always been positive for me. In fact, it usually leaves me the only one caring about the situation at hand. Loll, I'm sick of caring to be honest. I'm sick of being held accountable for the mistakes that others have made in the past. I'm not those people. I genuinely care, but for those who want to keep making me out to be the bad guy; I'll be that and stop caring. Insecurity is a muthafucka man. It effects everyone around you and everyone you interact with. So let me flip that script and stop trying to prove myself to these people and working so hard to hop over the Great Wall of China built up around whom folks truly are. It's obviously not the time for the gates to open. I'm not Tom Cruise and this isn't Mission Impossible. Sum that up.
Okay, so I might've gone left field with that last paragraph, but I caught a word! Forgive me. So for this day I pray that I listen to my instincts and let them guide me in the right direction. Along with the help of wisdom, faith, strength, understanding and peace. With that said, I wish all a wonderful weekend ahead. It'll be a weekend of cleaning, relaxing and shopping for me. Can't wait; peace ya'll.
In honor of my hectic week ahead; I know I'll need some inspiration, so this quote came right on time. It deals with kindness. I know that when I'm in my serious business mode, it's hard for me to remain in a kind spirit. Especially due to the fact that I don't consider myself to be all that kind most of the time anyway. I avoid people at all costs and I especially avoid conversation and any type of encounter with them. However, when I do have to speak to them I do try to be a tad bit kind, it just doesn't always come off that way. I notice that my co-workers will say good morning to everyone in my cubicle and skip over me. I know that this is because I've probably grumped at them in the past and they've learned their lesson. I'm at my kindest state when no words are exchanged. I'm going to make it a goal to work on that this week.
"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it." – Pablo Casals.
I am always quick to say I do not have time to deal with something or someone. I have always felt that me not getting involved in things is the best thing for me. I recite arguments within that I feel will justify my inaction. I will drown out that little voice inside my head called my conscience in a heartbeat. So I ask myself; do I have the courage to listen to the intrinsic decency and act on the promptings of inherent goodness?
Sympathy is something I do honestly try to have for people. I don't understand why this is so hard for me sometimes. I am always getting told by my supervisor at work to be sympathetic with my customers who call in. It's not the fact that I don't know those people, but it's just that I feel that we all go through things, but 9 times out of 10 people make things worse than what they really are. I'm always telling people to "stop crying and man up!" Life to me is too short to be crying over spilled milk. However, I do realize that some people out there do just need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. I do try to give the best advise I can give; which most of the time comes off as too raw. So I find myself apologizing a lot because of my lack tact and empathy.
It's said that being kind takes patience and understanding. Honestly speaking, I don't have patience for people who don't understand themselves. Who am I to tell you about YOU? I feel that you should already know. Why is it so easy for me to read people that can't read themselves? Perhaps they are ignoring the voices in their own head; causing them to be in extreme denial. That's a totally different subject though. Being kind for me sometimes causes me to dismiss the obvious and listen to what could be labeled as bullshit. It's also said that kindness cannot and should not be a platform for indulgence or permissiveness. True kindness firmly refuses to indulge someone in what is not good for that person. In other words, I'm the last person you need to come to, loll. I can be a bit of a bad influence and detrimental to the human foundation.
I will say that I have my moments and it does feel good when I know I've helped someone through something. I can't lie and say that I don't play favoritism. I tend to be much more kind to those that have earned their way into my heart. I honestly do want to stop doing this. I know that there are people out there who take advantage of those naturally kind souls and I've always said that I do not want to be that person. I'll be damned if someone walks over me and takes my kindness for weakness. So I've built this extra tough layer of skin over my softness. Hardly anyone makes it to that softness. Now that I think of it, the last person I tried to be genuinely kind to shut me down repeatedly. I think the world is so use to cold hearted ways that people portray that they don't know how to react when someone is actually being kind to them. So when I began to retreat back to my "hard and aggressive" ways; she accepted them with open arms. Odd.
However, I do know that kindness is an act smiled on by God, and anything that makes Him smile I want to portray. I believe with my current life experiences I can decipher between deserving people and undeserving people. I know who will take advantage of my kindness and who will humbly accept it. So this week I vow to being more kind to those around me. I will try and say good morning to everyone I see and give them a warm smile, instead of my usual half smirk and clenched teeth. I will try to willingly help everyone without spewing sarcastic remarks at them of them being able to do it their damn selves. I'm sure they will think the world is ending tomorrow and will retort their own smart remarks, but I'll do my best to ignore them. This new leaf is being turned over. Hopefully I won't get discouraged and end up using that same leaf as toilet paper and telling everyone to kiss my ass.
"Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it." – Pablo Casals.
I am always quick to say I do not have time to deal with something or someone. I have always felt that me not getting involved in things is the best thing for me. I recite arguments within that I feel will justify my inaction. I will drown out that little voice inside my head called my conscience in a heartbeat. So I ask myself; do I have the courage to listen to the intrinsic decency and act on the promptings of inherent goodness?
Sympathy is something I do honestly try to have for people. I don't understand why this is so hard for me sometimes. I am always getting told by my supervisor at work to be sympathetic with my customers who call in. It's not the fact that I don't know those people, but it's just that I feel that we all go through things, but 9 times out of 10 people make things worse than what they really are. I'm always telling people to "stop crying and man up!" Life to me is too short to be crying over spilled milk. However, I do realize that some people out there do just need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. I do try to give the best advise I can give; which most of the time comes off as too raw. So I find myself apologizing a lot because of my lack tact and empathy.
It's said that being kind takes patience and understanding. Honestly speaking, I don't have patience for people who don't understand themselves. Who am I to tell you about YOU? I feel that you should already know. Why is it so easy for me to read people that can't read themselves? Perhaps they are ignoring the voices in their own head; causing them to be in extreme denial. That's a totally different subject though. Being kind for me sometimes causes me to dismiss the obvious and listen to what could be labeled as bullshit. It's also said that kindness cannot and should not be a platform for indulgence or permissiveness. True kindness firmly refuses to indulge someone in what is not good for that person. In other words, I'm the last person you need to come to, loll. I can be a bit of a bad influence and detrimental to the human foundation.
I will say that I have my moments and it does feel good when I know I've helped someone through something. I can't lie and say that I don't play favoritism. I tend to be much more kind to those that have earned their way into my heart. I honestly do want to stop doing this. I know that there are people out there who take advantage of those naturally kind souls and I've always said that I do not want to be that person. I'll be damned if someone walks over me and takes my kindness for weakness. So I've built this extra tough layer of skin over my softness. Hardly anyone makes it to that softness. Now that I think of it, the last person I tried to be genuinely kind to shut me down repeatedly. I think the world is so use to cold hearted ways that people portray that they don't know how to react when someone is actually being kind to them. So when I began to retreat back to my "hard and aggressive" ways; she accepted them with open arms. Odd.
However, I do know that kindness is an act smiled on by God, and anything that makes Him smile I want to portray. I believe with my current life experiences I can decipher between deserving people and undeserving people. I know who will take advantage of my kindness and who will humbly accept it. So this week I vow to being more kind to those around me. I will try and say good morning to everyone I see and give them a warm smile, instead of my usual half smirk and clenched teeth. I will try to willingly help everyone without spewing sarcastic remarks at them of them being able to do it their damn selves. I'm sure they will think the world is ending tomorrow and will retort their own smart remarks, but I'll do my best to ignore them. This new leaf is being turned over. Hopefully I won't get discouraged and end up using that same leaf as toilet paper and telling everyone to kiss my ass.
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