Well, I hope everyone had a splendid weekend. I'm not sure about other cities, but it was rather cold out here in Houston. We Texans are not use to cold weather this soon in November. I really enjoyed my weekend. We had our first meeting with The Black Experience group. It wasn't a good turnout, but it was a great success. It ended up only being four of us, but the conversation that we had was mind blowing to say the least. I surprised myself at how much I spoke my mind, and laid out personal facts from my past. Even my best friend had to look twice at me, to see it was actually me speaking. It takes a while for me to warm up to new people, and I do NOT talk much during a first encounter. I have to feel out the scene, and dissect the people before I speak. Something felt different this time. I felt like I needed to say something. I was at liberty to say something. My pride wouldn't allow me NOT to say something.

".. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"

I wonder what the exact number is of the people who died for freedom. Died for speaking their mind. Died for the safety of their family. Died for the compensation they earned. Died for their last name. Died for the color of their skin. Do you have pride in those who have died for your freedom? I do, because as I strolled through that exhibit I realized just how far we've come, but also how far we still have to go. I couldn't even imagine living back in those times. I couldn't imagine being caged for days on end, because I tried to shield my children from pain. I couldn't imagine being shackled by the feet, neck and hands while red ants were poured at my feet to eat me alive. It was those same men and women who dies these horrible deaths that had pride in something more deep than one could imagine. It were these same men and women who said, "give me liberty, or give me death!"

I had a run in with the law this morning and it has me on edge right now. Doing 60 in a 40 exiting the freeway got my ass pulled over with the quickness trying to make it into work by 7:30. DRAT! Needless to say, I was late. The thick tongue officer issued me a ticket. Damn. I'm paying that muthafucka, because I don't have time for court appearances nor defensive driving. Hell, I tried to pay it as soon as I got into the office this morning, but I know that thick tongue officer has to do his thing first. I would've gave him cash if I could, then I would've probably been locked up for attempting to bribe an officer. Blah.

My horoscope has been contradicting itself lately it seems like. It's making me seem bipolar. Who knows? It's 2008; isn't everybody bipolar and gay now anyway? Whatever. One thing I do agree with here is not looking back. My mom always gets irritated with me, because I don't acknowledge her "what you should've did" comments. Clearly what should've been done was not done and all I can do is deal with the consequences of my present state, learn from them and not make the same mistake twice. Unfortunately, I can't retrace my steps and take back whatever was done. She thinks I'm being careless, I suppose. When in reality, I'm being logical about it. How much time is wasted by dwelling in the past over empty "coulda, woulda shoulda's"? Just have the common sense to not do it again and recognize it as a lesson learned.

I had a nice talk with someone last night about wasted emotion and how all humans are merely artists creating their own image of their life. Behind everyone's eyes is a world. Their world. Their perspective. No one's painted image of life is the same. Some may use similar strokes and similar colors, but it's never the same. I'm learning to not become upset when someone goes against the image that I've painted in my life. It's not their fault, because they've painted their own image and what they did very well may be logical to them. Who am I to say it's right or wrong? I may talk my shit (perhaps call them a circus monkey), frown my nose or I might stop talking to them for a small period of time, but at the end of the day; it's their image vs. my image. Do I let that person being who they are be the cause of me losing sleep at night or not being able to function throughout my day? Heck no! Life is too short for all of that. God did not create us to be the same and this is why he gave each of us our own brains and our own pair of eyes.

Anyone who keeps up with my blog or who considers themselves to be close to me; knows that my constant battle is accepting people. Having no expectations of them and understanding that they are who they are and that is all they will or can be. This has been the hardest thing for me to grasp. I test people and I set standards for them, but they always come up short. They cannot be the image that I paint and it's not fair of me to expect them to be in the first place. Someone whom I've been having a lot of trouble with accepting told me yesterday, "this is who I am, either you deal with it or stop talking to me." I thought about that for a second. I was irritated with that person, because they couldn't seem to hold an organized conversation, they're always bored, and were forever summing me up. I judged this person through my own created image of "perfection". Of course this person was not that. So I had a choice to make. Life is all about acceptance. We accept the things that happen in our lives, we accept the people that walk into our lives and we accept those same people that walk out of our lives for whatever reason. I quoted this before, and I'm doing it again; "It's true that there is conflict, but the conflict is in the human mind and not in the universe."

I can say that I've gotten much better with this whole accepting concept. I believe that God has placed someone in my life that is my ultimate test in this area. I'm tested everyday through this person and I'm learning different techniques in how to handle accepting them for who they are. Not letting my anger and emotions over come me just because they are not what I expect them to be; which is just like me. If I come to the conclusion that I cannot deal with that person and their image, then we both have to accept the fact that we do not fit into each others worlds. Plain and simple right? Righhhtttt.

Well I'm here stuck at work and not too happy about it. Comcast has scheduled everyone and their mother for overtime today, and nobody is calling! I hate when they do that, because it makes my night go by so slow. It's bad enough that I have to be here on a Saturday night anyway. Oh well, the money has to be made; that's for sure. I am a little weirded out today, because of the news on Bernie Mac's death. Just a couple days ago, it was declared as a rumor and it was said that he was doing better. Now he's dead. Pneumonia is no joke! We seem to be losing a lot of black stars. Well not just black, we are losing a lot of people period. It just proves that now is the time to get right or get left. Enough of that though, I'm not trying to be depressed at the moment.

So I've been dealing with having my Sister around my apartment, and it's not all that bad I guess. She does stay out of the way and she cleans up after herself; it just all boils down to me wanting what is best for her. I am trying to have patience though. Most know how hard that is for me to obtain, but I've come a long way with it in my opinion. I just released myself from a situation with someone that has taught me a lot in only a 2 week time period. It taught me to truly check myself and how I handle people, because it truly is unattractive. It taught me that sometimes even the most intellectual people can be the craziest people. It taught me that my nonchalant attitude really causes pain for some people. It taught me to truly learn to communicate no matter how much a fool the other party is acting. It taught me that if changes aren't made early; they are harder to shake later in life. It taught me to get the hell out of dodge when someone reveals their mentally unstable behavior. Another lesson learned and accepted. I love life and all that it gives me, good and bad. It helps me to grow stronger and wiser. They say life is a bitch; depending on how you dress her. Well my bitch looks good ya'll! Dressed in the finest stitches, I wouldn't change her for nothing!


Damn this dream stuff, I have woke the hell up! At times I do float in the clouds or get trapped in my own mind, and it all comes with the territory of being an Aquarius, but I do try to remember to float back on down to earth every now and then. I've been called irrational many times in my life when it comes to dealing with people I'm dating or people I'm in a relationship with. I have come to realize that I'm not all that bad! However, I do need to break those "it's my way or the highway" habits and understand that the world does not revolve completely around me. I was placed in a funhouse full of mirrors for the past couple of weeks, and I did not like what I saw. I did not like where my future personality traits were headed. Reality check ya'll! Thank you God for placing me in that situation in order show me what it's like for people on the outside looking in.

"The universe is as simple as it is or it is not, but humans complicate everything....It's true that there is a conflict, but the conflict only exists in the human mind, not in the universe." - Don Miguel Ruiz. Dude ain't said nothing but a word! Humans truly do complicate everything. Nothing can ever be "as is", because we question it all. We try to define every situation that we are in. Some things aren't meant to have a definition as soon as you walk in the door. With time comes answers and then a proper definition will follow. Now the situation that I was currently in could've been handled on my behalf much differently than I handled it. I could've committed emotional suicide and escalated everything to the fullest. My days could've grown longer and my nights could've been sleepless. I didn't see the sense in putting myself through all of that though. Acceptance goes a long way in life. Accepting things the way that they are and not forcing something that obviously isn't going to fit will eliminate the heartache and headaches in the future. Does this mean that I don't care? Hell no, because I do care. I care enough to walk away and accept the fact that some things that people go through need to be gone through on their own. That's the only way that progress will be made, guaranteed happiness with self, and a better time spent with the next person that walks into your life.

I feel free again and I'm looking forward to the outcome of the changes that I'll be making. I wonder what doors will open up for me and what people will be walking through those doors into my life. Hm, we shall see. Break is over now and it's back to the phone lines. I hope everyone is having a kick ass weekend! See ya'll Monday, peace.

Welcome to another terrible Tuesday; just kidding. I'm alright this morning. I haven't hated Tuesday all month. Probably because I took off from my second job every Tuesday in June. However, this is my last Tuesday off from Comcast. Next week starts another week from hell; starting with Tuesday. Yesterday was a pretty good day, I suppose. I found myself to be a tad bit irritated by the end of it for various reasons. I've come to the realization that I analyze people too much and they always come up short. ALWAYS.

In the words of Weezy F. "They don't make em' like me no more. In fact, they never made em' like me before. I'm rare; like Mr. Clean with hair." Totally agreed Dr. Carter! We are not the same I am MARTIAN! It's official. I think with both sides of the brain, my heart is on the right side of my chest, I live in a different time zone, and so on and so on; I am just DIFFERENT. I can't keep running into the same exact problem with everyone I meet and blame them; it's me. I cannot fault them for not being anything like me and not understanding where I'm coming from. How could they? I was talking to someone about this last night and she helped me to realize a lot of things. She asked me have I ever been in total awe by someone. I had to think a long time. Usually if I started out in awe; it later turned into an AWW SHIT! HELL NAH! NOT YOU TOO! Or something like that. By the way, thanks Diamond; for listening and pretending like you understood, loll.

So my scope says no one is more adaptable to circumstances than I. I'm sick of adapting to be honest. I'm sick of wasting my breath on people who will either dismiss what I have to say or retort with something that has no sensible meaning what so ever. Does anyone have a focused brain anymore? "No, Mica you're just too quiet." Not really. I speak with it's worth it. I don't know about anyone else, but my words are priceless and precious. Why waste them? I don't speak to be cut off and forced into a moment about what's going on with a television show or what's going on in your background. I'd much rather stay quiet. Forgive me if I don't respond; what you just said means nothing to me. That's where I go wrong though. When I'm talking to someone, I give them my undivided attention, because clearly, yet MISTAKINGLY label them as worth it. I turn off my T.V, I ignore incoming phone calls, text messages (depending on who it is), I close my laptop and I'm focused on that person and the conversation at hand. 95% of the time; I don't get this same considerate gesture in return.

It's funny, my scope also mentioned that I would run into the narrow-minded and unreasonable. *sigh* Lord not today, please. Give me a break. I just got off the phone with an old friend and she suggested that I just remain quiet. She's been trying the same technique and it's remarkable what you find out about people. The question is; do I look over certain things and still peruse a friendship or continue to write people off like I've been doing for the past 3 or 4 years? I know everyone one doesn't own the same qualities and everyone won't be that entire package. Some will lack what others possess. Like my old friend said, "You might just have to build a repertoire." Hm, food for thought. I was so use to having just one good friend who was equipped with the entire package. Bitch, loll. I can't stand her for setting the bar so high, now it's hard for me to settle for less.

I'm going to try and keep these realizations in mind and stop writing people off so soon and so fast. I'm going to hold true to my forgiving and compassionate soul (or lack there of? Loll!) and turn this people analyzing thing down a notch or two. It's really not a good look, for certain people. I'm becoming more and more irritated and will more than likely end up a lonely old hag because of it. I am a Martian, but I'll socialize with the earthlings until I find someone of my liking and of my kind. Good luck you say? Thanks, I'll need it.

Damn, I can't believe it is June already! We are half way through this year! 6 months away from being 2009, 6 months away from reaching my 5 year anniversary at my company, and 7 months away from being 25 yrs old. Yes, time is definitely flying this year. Even after all the crazy things that has happened thus far, I am still enjoying this year nonetheless. I am still excited about what other blessings are coming my way. This month's quote is about Solitude. This is truly right up my alley, because I am a person that is use to secluding myself from the world to gather my mental and concentrate on my spiritual. James Russell Lowell 's words are chosen for this month.

TGIF!! I say that with the utmost sincerity and excitement! The last day of a hectic week. Hectic in so many ways, might I add. I'm sitting here re-tracing all of the thoughts, emotions and events that took place. Mentally, I was all over the place this week! My mind took a hike around the world and it took me through a lot of obstacles and emotional mazes. I didn't know just how much of a control freak I was until now. I've always had complete control over everything in my life, and when things don't go that way; oh boy. During this mental hike, I analyzed all the current issues that I didn't control that had my mind blown. Coming to grips with the fact that I can't control everything and that sometimes it is okay to lose control; i started to feel a little better. It was then that I found my peace zone and was finally able to exhale.

It's definitely time for new blessings in my life. It's impossible to receive those blessings when I have my my "junk" and other people's "junk" blocking them. I have a habit of taking the blame for other people's issues. This is definitely the case when it comes to close friends and family. To avoid confrontation and change in our relationship, I take the blame for everything and take complete control over the situation. I can't do that anymore. No matter how much I love a person, I can't be held responsible for their "junk". Tamica is guilty of alot of things, but shes not guilty of everything. Those things I am guilty of, I repent for those guilts and ask for forgiveness. I am facing the fears of change and learning to take a loss. I'm being truly grown and learning how to love people enough to let them go. In fact, I had to file alot things that occurred this week in my "let it go and let God" folder. When its all let go of and thrown upon Him, this makes room for those new blessings created for me. I declare this day to be the first day of the rest of my life. I truly am appreciative of the people in my life that has been there for me no matter what. I am not the friendliest person or the easiest person to get along with. Yet and still, those roots under my tree still keep me standing tall. They never break from underneath me. They never let something petty break our friendship apart. My best interest is in their heart, and I am so honored to have friends and family like this in my life.

I am ready to kick start this weekend. Sadly, I have to work tonight and tomorrow night, but that is alright. I have a date with my big sister tonight and we're going to spend some quality time with one another. I'm trying to get her on to this whole blogging thing. I know it'll be right up her alley. Although, not as many people read and comment on my blog as I'd like, but it's still enjoyable. I still plan on going back home this weekend to hang out with the parents. I haven't been to "church" in quite some time so Sunday is the day that I partake in a visit that is long over due.

I wish everyone a eventful and safe weekend ahead. It's a tad big gloomy here in Texas, but the sun is surely shining in my world!