I am hating this Tuesday with a passion. There will be no pics in this episode unfortunately. Stop reading the shit at any time. I'm about to go off. I'm about to make some people mad. I'm about to make some people think. I'm about to make some people regret. Regret the fact that they ever crossed my path.

I have decided to really hit the pavement and find me another day time job. Hopefully I can find a day time job that will eliminate my night time job, and pay me like they have some sense.

My workload is unacceptable, and for the first time its starting to stress me out. Maybe it's that 5 year itch. Next month will mark that anniversary, and I'm tired. I look back on all the shit I've done here, and my paycheck has NEVER matched such shit. I'm pissed. People are dropping like flies and I see why. I am so proud of my Queen Bea for living, but now I actually envy her, but she put in wayyyyy more time in this company than I ever plan on putting in.

I don’t understand why females get jealous when you talk to the next chick. I mean if you aren't even attempting to grasp and hold my attention, why get mad? I'm not about to sit around and look at your dumb ass and you not bustin' a move. If you're never around, how the fuck am I going to get to know you? People are getting besides themselves, seriously. Folks take this next quote for granted. "What one woman won't do, another woman will." You're in way over your head, if you think I'm about to chase your ass around, and wait on you. Ha! Kick bricks.

What would you expect from somebody you gave $400 to when they said they really needed it? It was clearly out of the goodness of your heart, because the person didn't mention one time about paying you back. Am I stupid for actually expecting this person to go the extra mile for me since I did them that favor? I mean I'm not expecting rose petals to be dropped at my feet every time I walk, but damn can the person just be there for me when I'm having a bad day? My sister warned me that my mind would be playing tricks on me after I gave up a sum of money like that. She said it's going to feel like the person has changed and is taking me for granted, when in actuality they are just doing the same shit they did before the money was sent. Ahhh…never again.

I feel alone in my relationship, and it sucks. I would say it was bad timing, but when is the timing actually good?

I powered my phone off, and I don’t know when I'm going to turn it back on. I don’t believe it's anything anybody can say to me to actually lift my spirits. I've been talking to God all day, and I'm doing alright. I don't throw pity parties, so actually depending on a unselfish listening ear has never been my thing. That will just lead to more disappointment, because people can't handle the problems in their own lives, how dare I expect them to handle the problems in mine? So if you're calling, leave a message. I'll return the call eventually.

This isn't the attitude I wanted to end my year in. So I'm going to have to take the next two days off in pure solitude. I'm going to drown myself in positive thoughts, words and encouragement. I'm diving straight into that Book of Proverbs, Galatians and Ecclesiastes. I want to start 2009 off right. I want to have a clear mind. I want to have a clear slate. Well not totally clear, because I accomplished too many things in 2008 to erase them ya dig? This is a year of continuation. Finish what I started.

I thought about deleting my BlogSpot, but I doubt that I will. I'm just going through it right now, and that’s only natural to want to escape from every part of the world. I saw a boulder on the side of the highway the other day, and I almost pulled over to see if my ass could squeeze under it.

I hope that my "friends" can understand my absence for however long. I haven't had a real sabbatical in a minute. It's very rare, I get a call just to ask me how my day is going. Or to ask me how I'm feeling. Or to ask me if life is treating me well, and if it isn't, was there anything they can do? Lmaoo @ that thought. It's more like calls solely surrounded by that person and their problems. I have always been and more than likely always will be the listening ear. People are not use to Mica having personal problems, they never hear me talk about it. I just got off the phone with a friend who was extremely upset about her day, and I listened. I am sorry that her day is going bad, and I hope that it gets better. I did what I do best, and swallowed my own feelings and threw a blanket over my own problems to listen to my friend. That's what I am supposed to do though. However, I need some time. Away from it all.

Funny thing is, I have to leave this job and go to another one and listen to people's problems. People it all finally catching up to me? My parents didn't raise a quitter. But they also didn't raise a fool.

I really just want to crawl into my Queen Bea's lap and have her rock me back and forth. Crying my little eyes out and just listen to her say everything will be alright. Listen to her say that she and God will take care of me. I've never craved the strength of my father's embrace before until now. I want to hear I love you Tamica, and I want the person to mean it unconditionally. I want the actions to match the actual words. Not you love me one day, and shit on me the next. That's getting old.

Whewww this is a depressing ass blog, and I'm sorry ya'll. If you had any sense you would've stopped reading a long time ago, loll. I have more to say, but I'll leave that for my prayers. If I'm not back before the first; I hope every one of you has a great new years.

peace.

I just put Step Brothers on my iPod yesterday, and it was the first time I saw it. It was super hilarious. Champ said she hated it and only laughed twice during the entire movie. The parts that she laughed at weren't even funny though. Smh @ that. She mad silly though, and obviously ass backwards if she didn't find this movie funny. She be doing shit just like these clowns, lmaoo. Will Pharell is an ass of all trades though.

Last night somebody question who was calling my house phone at 2 a.m. Man, it made me realize that I haven't been questioned like that in a long time. It was…..cute.

So I've been hanging out with people that I haven't hung out with in what seems like ages. I had narrowed down my hanging out with friends down to just one person. That's unhealthy, loll. Although, all of my acquaintances are not residing on the same planet as I, we still have fun when we get together. I'm going to re-vamp my social life in the new year. I've been in hiding for about 6 or 7 months.

Besides when I cop this Nikon D90 as my 25th birthday present to myself come February, I'm going to need to eject myself from my cozy little apartment and snapshot the happenings in life. Hell for that kidna money, I'll be taking pics 24/7!! The Paparazzi won't have shit on Nookie.

I've come to find out that I'm a little too selfish to date women with kids. I never considered myself to be an attention whore. However, for one I'm not a fan of kids and two, they need too damn much. Don't get me twisted though, I don’t despise them; and if I find worth in the woman, I'll love her and her child or children, no doubt about it. Besides the M.I.L.F's make it kinda hard to discriminate, ya dig?

I'm super excited about this movie. I'm a big Marvel Comics fan. I also love me some Wolverine!! I will have to find my wayward, and now missing big sister so we can go see this when it comes out. Hopefully she'll turn up come May 1st.

I LOVE everybody's blog that I follow. I know I keep saying this over and over, but ya'll never cease to amaze me with the shit you guys publish. Creative, intelligently opinionated, comical, fashionable and ambitious are all understatements for each and every one of ya'll. I wish that I could sit around all day and keep up with every single blog ya'll produce, but man it's impossible. I had to designate Sunday as my day to just catch up with all the blogs. Ya'll do THE MOST!

People be sleeping on BlogSpot though. I learn new shit everyday. I mean just yesterday I traveled to the far lands of Jervis and learned that Lil' Kim was now a yellow bone. I for one was shocked, because I hadn't seen her in a minute. She's following in MJ's footsteps, and it's a crying shame to say the least!

Yo, it's this Hispanic fruit lady that comes up to our job every morning around 11:00 and she sales all kinds of fruits, tacos, burritos, and freshly squeezed fruit juices. Mami, be making a KILLING!! I swear one day, she going to pull up to this bitch in a drop top Bentley. She already had an extreme make over. I didn’t know who she was. I been buying fruit everyday, lmaoo. I wonder if she is hiring.

So, I've been reading Sista Souljah's book Midnight. I swear it make a chick want to mingle with the Sudanese and become a Arabic speaking Muslim. This shit is a bit far fetched, and I really thought it would have just a little something to do with The Coldest Winter Ever. It's an alright book though.

Word to life; I miss my Queen Bea. I didn't get a chance to go see her on Sunday. Her or my daddy. I miss both of them. This Sunday, despite their so called "busy schedules", I'll be forcing them to lay in the bed like we use to do and watch movies. They need to sit down somewhere anyway! I'm sick of this! How dare my parents have lives! Loll, I kid. They can have lives, so they won't be all up in my shit!

I remember laying up with my folks trying to convince my daddy to let me go to England with them. Back then, my mom could get like half price on international flights or something like that. All I know, is that The Queen said, hell no you can't go, loll. So I had to use my charm on daddy. After dropping a grand alone on my ticket, guess who was mingling with the British folks for seven days? Eventually, I want to return the favor. Pay for all of our way to some place out of the country. One day man, one day.

Peace ya'll