Almost there; one more day! Yesterday started off as a great day and I got through both jobs without dozing off one time! Go me. However, the night ended off pretty rocky. BUT, I made a vow not to lay my head down on the pillow for sleep with a heavy heart. All problems, angers, and worries need to be thrown to the sky before I drift off to la la land. This way I will wake up fully rejuvenated and free of yesterdays anxieties. Because Lord knows, each day brings on an entire new set of issues. Who wants to deal with yesterday's? Psh, that's insane.
So I've come to realize just how short my fuse really is. Ha, I know some folks are like, "Bitch we know how short your fuse is, why has it taken you so long to realize this?" I know, I know. Me being angry with my patience ran completely out, "is like a man smoking at a gas station. I'M ABOUT TO BLOW UP!" Who is there when the smoke clears though? Lmao, no damn body. People have either been hit with a flying burning object or ran away in fear for their lives. I don’t blame them either. I'm no good when I'm mad. I say shit that never needs to be said. Sometimes, I even say shit just to hurt people. Am I proud of that? No. Because, all the victims on my rap sheet were not 100% deserving of the verbal daggers thrown at them.
What makes me angry? Being misunderstood, and my attempts to communicate through an issue at hand going ignored. It's like I'm being backed into a corner with all of my feelings floating above my head like boulders ready to crash down on me. However, instead of standing there waiting to be crushed, I'll come out of that corner swinging; knocking jaws loose, blacking eyes and demolishing frontals. However, sometimes I'm wrong and if I'd only attained enough patience to actually sit back and wait; things would play out much differently. Feelings could've been spared and faces could've been saved. It's said that "A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains." Shit, but they also say "you are what you eat", and I don't consider myself to be a pussy. However, I do need to check myself; that can be admitted.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Your friends and coworkers may not be able to understand you today, even if you explain yourself again and again. But rather than prompting arguments, it's likely they will just nod in agreement, believing that they know what you mean. Nevertheless, you may be painfully aware of the gulf between you. Don't try to bridge the gap; it will go away naturally after tomorrow's eclipse.
Admitting when I'm wrong is never easy for me, but even when it's admitted does that mean people will forgive you right away or forget what happened at the snap of a finger? Nope. I know I hold grudges and even when an apology is laid out on the table, my pride sometimes still won't let me let it go that easily. Even still, what else can one do when you've admitted to your wrongdoing, explained your case and tried in multiple ways to communicate with someone and they still don't bite? You're damn right, leave it alone. I don't kiss ass, I don't chase and I do not linger where I am no longer wanted. I check pass and let them handle the ball. I'll be here when they're ready talk this out like one would adults know how to do.
So I've come to realize just how short my fuse really is. Ha, I know some folks are like, "Bitch we know how short your fuse is, why has it taken you so long to realize this?" I know, I know. Me being angry with my patience ran completely out, "is like a man smoking at a gas station. I'M ABOUT TO BLOW UP!" Who is there when the smoke clears though? Lmao, no damn body. People have either been hit with a flying burning object or ran away in fear for their lives. I don’t blame them either. I'm no good when I'm mad. I say shit that never needs to be said. Sometimes, I even say shit just to hurt people. Am I proud of that? No. Because, all the victims on my rap sheet were not 100% deserving of the verbal daggers thrown at them.
What makes me angry? Being misunderstood, and my attempts to communicate through an issue at hand going ignored. It's like I'm being backed into a corner with all of my feelings floating above my head like boulders ready to crash down on me. However, instead of standing there waiting to be crushed, I'll come out of that corner swinging; knocking jaws loose, blacking eyes and demolishing frontals. However, sometimes I'm wrong and if I'd only attained enough patience to actually sit back and wait; things would play out much differently. Feelings could've been spared and faces could've been saved. It's said that "A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains." Shit, but they also say "you are what you eat", and I don't consider myself to be a pussy. However, I do need to check myself; that can be admitted.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Your friends and coworkers may not be able to understand you today, even if you explain yourself again and again. But rather than prompting arguments, it's likely they will just nod in agreement, believing that they know what you mean. Nevertheless, you may be painfully aware of the gulf between you. Don't try to bridge the gap; it will go away naturally after tomorrow's eclipse.
Admitting when I'm wrong is never easy for me, but even when it's admitted does that mean people will forgive you right away or forget what happened at the snap of a finger? Nope. I know I hold grudges and even when an apology is laid out on the table, my pride sometimes still won't let me let it go that easily. Even still, what else can one do when you've admitted to your wrongdoing, explained your case and tried in multiple ways to communicate with someone and they still don't bite? You're damn right, leave it alone. I don't kiss ass, I don't chase and I do not linger where I am no longer wanted. I check pass and let them handle the ball. I'll be here when they're ready talk this out like one would adults know how to do.
It's that time again ya'll. College Wednesday; where we summarize 99% of the people whom you'll ever meet in college or in life period. Last week, I got a pretty good volume of responses on the 2 characters described, so let's see how this week tickles your fancy. Today we introduce The I Studied Abroad And It Changed My Life Girl/Guy and the Intellectual Superhero. This should be fun…
I Studied Abroad And It Changed My Life Guy/Girl - This person has spent anywhere from 3-12 months in a country that isn't too different from our own, but it's soooo much better. It's so cultured and you can drink without having the draconian American laws over your back. Most of this student's stores involve getting drunk and hooking up with creepy older gentleman or passing out on the couch interspersed with some sightseeing. But it changed his/her life, like OMG I totally know how people in other countries live, and I'll keep talking and talking and talking about it.
You know how people, not just if they studied abroad, says that something changed his or her life? Then when they go to explain how and why it changed their life, you soon realize that they didn't have much of a life to begin with! Studying abroad in Cancun Mexico, is really not all that amazing. I mean really, we all go there on our senior class trips anyway and we've already been super excited about the underage drinking laws over there. Who the fuck cares anymore? That's like studying abroad and being in chat rooms all day bragging about it! But you aren't doing anything abroad, you're barely studying! You're doing the same shit you could've stayed in the States doing. Another monkey doing flips in the circus. What a waste.
Intellectual Superhero - Intellectual superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don't tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with is insane bullshit, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it's a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don't worry; he'll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with is insane method of solving the problem. At least you'll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong.
Lmao! I hate this muthafucka, I really do. Some people are just incorrigible like this. They feel they know every damn thing, as a matter of fact, they call themselves "god" and perfection is their middle name. Bitch please. This is the same person studying abroad online all day trying to build a reputation, lmao! Don't let your internet buddies gas you up too much now. You know sometimes trying to prove people wrong with bullshit reasoning only marks you as the dumbass, this is why I sit back and watch people prove me right. I don't even have to say a word! Intellectual Superhero eh? More like Queen of Contradiction; who is saving your ass?! Signoff homie, take a tour of greatest place on earth; they call it reality!
Man, where's the dreaded 'pine sol' lady when I need her? Lmao. Don't feed the monkeys ya'll. Seriously, people once in their right minds are being mentally mauled and dismantled. These furry little creatures seem so cute, innocent and somewhat intelligent; don't let the manlike features fool you! Proceed with caution. I'll leave ya'll with that. See ya next week!
I Studied Abroad And It Changed My Life Guy/Girl - This person has spent anywhere from 3-12 months in a country that isn't too different from our own, but it's soooo much better. It's so cultured and you can drink without having the draconian American laws over your back. Most of this student's stores involve getting drunk and hooking up with creepy older gentleman or passing out on the couch interspersed with some sightseeing. But it changed his/her life, like OMG I totally know how people in other countries live, and I'll keep talking and talking and talking about it.
You know how people, not just if they studied abroad, says that something changed his or her life? Then when they go to explain how and why it changed their life, you soon realize that they didn't have much of a life to begin with! Studying abroad in Cancun Mexico, is really not all that amazing. I mean really, we all go there on our senior class trips anyway and we've already been super excited about the underage drinking laws over there. Who the fuck cares anymore? That's like studying abroad and being in chat rooms all day bragging about it! But you aren't doing anything abroad, you're barely studying! You're doing the same shit you could've stayed in the States doing. Another monkey doing flips in the circus. What a waste.
Intellectual Superhero - Intellectual superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don't tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with is insane bullshit, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it's a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don't worry; he'll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with is insane method of solving the problem. At least you'll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong.
Lmao! I hate this muthafucka, I really do. Some people are just incorrigible like this. They feel they know every damn thing, as a matter of fact, they call themselves "god" and perfection is their middle name. Bitch please. This is the same person studying abroad online all day trying to build a reputation, lmao! Don't let your internet buddies gas you up too much now. You know sometimes trying to prove people wrong with bullshit reasoning only marks you as the dumbass, this is why I sit back and watch people prove me right. I don't even have to say a word! Intellectual Superhero eh? More like Queen of Contradiction; who is saving your ass?! Signoff homie, take a tour of greatest place on earth; they call it reality!
Man, where's the dreaded 'pine sol' lady when I need her? Lmao. Don't feed the monkeys ya'll. Seriously, people once in their right minds are being mentally mauled and dismantled. These furry little creatures seem so cute, innocent and somewhat intelligent; don't let the manlike features fool you! Proceed with caution. I'll leave ya'll with that. See ya next week!
"…shit get on my level you cant get on my level
you would need a space shuttle or a ladder that's forever
however I'm better if not now than never
don't you ever fix ya lips unless you bout to suck my dick
bitch swallow my words taste my thoughts
and if its too nasty spit it back at me."
you would need a space shuttle or a ladder that's forever
however I'm better if not now than never
don't you ever fix ya lips unless you bout to suck my dick
bitch swallow my words taste my thoughts
and if its too nasty spit it back at me."
Listening to Lil' Wayne early in the morning is never a good idea. I'm convinced, and although his lyrics are a bit redundant and somewhat played, he's still capable of giving the lowest person some ounce of self-esteem. He's a hilarious young man, I must say, and I needed the laughs this morning as I headed into work. I'm now stuck in what proves to be the longest week of my f'n life! It's finally hump day though, and I'm happy about it.
So I've read plenty of blogs published by people on my blog roll and they've all mentioned how surprised they are when they find out that certain ones are reading their posts. Or how fast a specific post spread as if it was an AIDS epidemic in DC. Truth be told, you never really know how many eyes are on your words, but the question is; should I care? Should I filter what I say to spare the feelings of the sensitive ones that may be reading? Should I apologize after every single blog written? I honestly don't think so. I use my blog as a therapy session for some of my most personal feelings. Although, I will admit that sometimes I use my blog as a vice for my everyday frustrations. It's either that, or go on small killing sprees. And, "I'd rather be pushing flowers, than to be in the pen sharing showers."
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
The emphasis in your life now is on relationships, even while you are at work. Your co-workers may be making a lot of noise about what they are doing, but you aren't impressed by what you see. Unfortunately, you may be required to bury any negative judgments, for it won't be productive today to share your critical view. Keep your opinions to yourself until the end of the week.
Not much impresses me anymore. At this very moment there are only 3 impressive people in my life. They do not go out of their way to do so and all is being done naturally. The sad thing is that I'm one of the 3 people =. Everyone else is just blah; the same monkeys turning the same flips. Not advancing in life at all. It's like I'm at an Olympic track meet and all the runners are running in place at full speed, not going any damn where. Everyone is cheering and highly impressed with their speed and techniques, while I'm trying to find the nearest exit. "No sittin' at the table if you bringin' nothin' to it. I get straight to it; like it's nothin' to it."
So I suppose my dedication to my anonymous readers would be that if you're reading the blog and happen stumble across something you don't like, didn't know or are guilty of; try not to take it so personally. Many people have desired to get a taste of me, but I'm like a jawbreaker aiming straight for the throat. I can't be chewed and I'm extremely hard to swallow. 99% of the time I'm regurgitated and spit back up in one whole piece. Do I reckon this to be a problem? No, because I dig the fact that it takes a special person to melt me down and fully digest who I am. If everyone was able to take me, then I'd be one boring, tasteless bitch.
"They say I talk with so much emphasis,
OOOO they so sen-sa-tive.
Don't ever fix your lips like collagen
Say something where you gone end up 'apologin'.
Let me know if it's a problem man,
Alright man, holla then."
Lord, please don’t let me get hooked to this red bull again, but I just don't see me getting through this week without it. I bought one yesterday and a 4 pack today. Damn shame. Tomorrow I vow not to buy anymore. Why am I so tired? Well, although this is becoming a bit redundant; I met someone….again. I know at least 10 people just stopped reading this post, lmao! Pray for me! I don't blame them though, because this could be another bump in this vicious cycle I seem to be on. Who knows? I know, I know; what happened to the last one? Was she just the flavor of choice for the month of July? No! Let's just say that my personality does not mesh well with everyone's. I'm just thankful I have the ability to detect intolerable issues early on and I know when I need to get the hell out of dodge; saving us both the future headache. Blah, blah,blah.
I've had the pleasure, or lack of a better word, of experiencing a lot of personalities in my life span thus far. I can sometimes determine a person's sign without them telling me, before I actually exchange words with them. I do so by observing how they interact with other people, how they handle a situation and just how comfortable they are with themselves. Capricorn, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius. I know them all. Some I grew to love and others were just another crash and burn experience *cough CAPRICORNS cough*. The only sign I have not really experienced is my own; Aquarius. That was not until now. I'm not sure if anyone has really gotten into the mind of an Aquarius, I'm sure they haven't; that's almost equivalent to extracting gold in a mine. Damn near impossible. However, there are some lucky people who can reach the core of an Aquarius. They lost their own minds in the process, but they succeeded, loll.
So this Aquarius that I've had the pleasure of actually sitting down and chatting with is basically a mental mirror image of myself. It's like reading a book I've written and I know it by heart. This could either be superb or horrendous. I'm going to throw in a blah, blah, blah for good measure, because for some reason people always seem to mess up after a week of talking; so I won't put it past this one either. Their heads seem to be on straight and then all of a sudden it just falls clean off and you're trapped in a bad remake of Sleepy Hollow. Or like my friend just told me, "sometimes unhealthy people say the healthiest things." I'm not trying to be bamboozled again ya'll, loll. So here's another blah, blah, blah; for good measure.
I've had the pleasure, or lack of a better word, of experiencing a lot of personalities in my life span thus far. I can sometimes determine a person's sign without them telling me, before I actually exchange words with them. I do so by observing how they interact with other people, how they handle a situation and just how comfortable they are with themselves. Capricorn, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius. I know them all. Some I grew to love and others were just another crash and burn experience *cough CAPRICORNS cough*. The only sign I have not really experienced is my own; Aquarius. That was not until now. I'm not sure if anyone has really gotten into the mind of an Aquarius, I'm sure they haven't; that's almost equivalent to extracting gold in a mine. Damn near impossible. However, there are some lucky people who can reach the core of an Aquarius. They lost their own minds in the process, but they succeeded, loll.
So this Aquarius that I've had the pleasure of actually sitting down and chatting with is basically a mental mirror image of myself. It's like reading a book I've written and I know it by heart. This could either be superb or horrendous. I'm going to throw in a blah, blah, blah for good measure, because for some reason people always seem to mess up after a week of talking; so I won't put it past this one either. Their heads seem to be on straight and then all of a sudden it just falls clean off and you're trapped in a bad remake of Sleepy Hollow. Or like my friend just told me, "sometimes unhealthy people say the healthiest things." I'm not trying to be bamboozled again ya'll, loll. So here's another blah, blah, blah; for good measure.
As crappy as I feel right now, I still wanted to share this weeks quote with everyone. It deals with some things we all go through, which is loss, pain and sorrow. Things that are no doubt brought on by the tribulations of life, but all is up to us in how we handle such tribulations. This determines how much pain and suffering we will actually go through.
Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void.
- Pam Brown
It's in our human structure to fold under pressure and to retreat when danger is near. Oh and when we're hit, the melo-dramatic scenes begin to play out. Humans can take the smallest things and blow them up bigger than the World Trade Center. Most battles are fought within ourselves and we become our own worse enemies. What do we do? Blame everyone else around us. We blame that lover that left us, we blame God for taking someone away from us that we loved, we blame our childhood, we blame all of life's unfortunate circumstances, but never really take a deep look within and check ourselves. How do you hold someone else responsible for how you take YOUR LIFE'S SITUATIONS? If you have somebody controlling you like that, then I feel sorry for you! Life sucks when you're playing the roll of a joystick.
I've personally had some rough times with getting over situations in my life and realizing that some things are brought on by my own doing. Either, I did something, I didn't do enough, or I didn't do anything at all. The game of life is very tricky, but can be mastered when played the right way. We'll get knocked down, drug back and stepped on. However, we can also be advanced forward, helped back up on our feet and looked highly upon. So, I gladly invite life's problems on, because I know that once I've gotten through one problem, there is a greater blessing in store for me soon thereafter. Those same scrapes, bruises and tears are the things that replenish us. We just have to know how to take them. So lube it up, because life will fuck us raw! What can you do? Cry a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it!
Ya'll know the tough love was bound to come out, loll. Being pacified is a big problem for me. We are not babies any longer, so we should be able to handle this shit thrown at us. That's why I make sure that I give it to my friends and loved ones straight and nasty. That's how life is giving it to you right? All the time spent sulking is wasted, because moves can be made. Multi-task! Don’t get me wrong, you can cry. We all cry; baby cry until you can't cry any more, but be walking at the same time. Tell life and the crazy people in it, "yeah I know you see the tears, but check my footwork; I'm still on the move!" While the ones trying to pull you down are laughing, they don't even see you pass on by them. Now whose laughing?
Alright, I'm tired as hell and am about to fall off my soap box ,rather than carefully stepping off of it. I know my words are read on a daily basis, and I hope that I've reached somebody out there. Whatever you're going through, it'll be alright. Never let yourself or life's issues drown you. Keep building bridges high and low; remember that sometimes we do have to take a small detour to maneuver around a problem, but we will always end back up on the right path. I'm out. Peace.
Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void.
- Pam Brown
It's in our human structure to fold under pressure and to retreat when danger is near. Oh and when we're hit, the melo-dramatic scenes begin to play out. Humans can take the smallest things and blow them up bigger than the World Trade Center. Most battles are fought within ourselves and we become our own worse enemies. What do we do? Blame everyone else around us. We blame that lover that left us, we blame God for taking someone away from us that we loved, we blame our childhood, we blame all of life's unfortunate circumstances, but never really take a deep look within and check ourselves. How do you hold someone else responsible for how you take YOUR LIFE'S SITUATIONS? If you have somebody controlling you like that, then I feel sorry for you! Life sucks when you're playing the roll of a joystick.
I've personally had some rough times with getting over situations in my life and realizing that some things are brought on by my own doing. Either, I did something, I didn't do enough, or I didn't do anything at all. The game of life is very tricky, but can be mastered when played the right way. We'll get knocked down, drug back and stepped on. However, we can also be advanced forward, helped back up on our feet and looked highly upon. So, I gladly invite life's problems on, because I know that once I've gotten through one problem, there is a greater blessing in store for me soon thereafter. Those same scrapes, bruises and tears are the things that replenish us. We just have to know how to take them. So lube it up, because life will fuck us raw! What can you do? Cry a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it!
Ya'll know the tough love was bound to come out, loll. Being pacified is a big problem for me. We are not babies any longer, so we should be able to handle this shit thrown at us. That's why I make sure that I give it to my friends and loved ones straight and nasty. That's how life is giving it to you right? All the time spent sulking is wasted, because moves can be made. Multi-task! Don’t get me wrong, you can cry. We all cry; baby cry until you can't cry any more, but be walking at the same time. Tell life and the crazy people in it, "yeah I know you see the tears, but check my footwork; I'm still on the move!" While the ones trying to pull you down are laughing, they don't even see you pass on by them. Now whose laughing?
Alright, I'm tired as hell and am about to fall off my soap box ,rather than carefully stepping off of it. I know my words are read on a daily basis, and I hope that I've reached somebody out there. Whatever you're going through, it'll be alright. Never let yourself or life's issues drown you. Keep building bridges high and low; remember that sometimes we do have to take a small detour to maneuver around a problem, but we will always end back up on the right path. I'm out. Peace.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
